The Saint (Highland Guard #5)(82)

Her sarcasm pricked his temper. He stiffened. “I was showing you honor and respect.”

“I didn’t want honor and respect, I wanted passion. I was a young girl dreaming of romance, not a convent. I wanted to think you loved me. But when you didn’t come for me, didn’t give me another chance, I feared I was wrong. I waited for you, Magnus. Every night I looked out my window, peering into the shadows, and wondered if you were there. For months I made up excuses to walk in the forest.” Her heart squeezed, and tears burned behind her eyes. “But you never came. Your pride was stronger than any feelings you had for me.”

Magnus was reeling from her accusations. God, was it possible she hadn’t known how he felt? He thought back on it, looking at what had happened through her eyes, and realized that it wasn’t only possible, it was likely. He’d never said he loved her. Never even told her how much he cared about her. He’d assumed that his actions would be enough. But even these she’d misinterpreted. Not feel passion for her? She had no bloody idea.

He dragged his fingers through his hair. Christ, what a mess! “I’m sorry, I thought you knew how I felt. You weren’t the only one who was young.” He’d hated that her brother—his enemy—had witnessed her refusal. “My pride stopped me from coming back. By the time I realized my mistake it was too late. You were betrothed to my friend—and then you married him.”

“You could have stopped me. But you lied to me. You were too stubborn to admit you still cared for me.”

His mouth tightened, unable to deny the bitterness that still rose inside him. “I never thought you’d go through with it.”

“I was hurt, Magnus—confused. If I wasn’t certain of your feelings before, should I have been certain of them three years later? I tried, but you told me you no longer cared for me. I only knew the truth at the wedding feast when I saw your face. I knew then I’d made a mistake. William realized it, too—”

She started to say something but he cut her off. Gordon was the last thing he wanted to talk about with her. Even the mention of his name served as a brutal reminder. The hopelessness of the situation bored down on him. “It doesn’t matter. We both made mistakes. But I’m not trying to punish you. I don’t blame you for what happened, and haven’t for a long time.”

“Then why are you still doing this? I know you care about me.”

He didn’t bother to deny it. But love wasn’t always enough. “Have you forgotten about your family?”

“Of course not. I told you that I will not let them stand in the way again.” She came closer. “I’ll prove it to you. Just give me the chance.”

Did she know what kind of temptation she presented? Prove it to you. God, she was killing him. He wanted her with every fiber of his being. Wanted to take those sinfully red lips under his and show her all the passion he’d kept in check for far too long.

But she was offering him the one thing he didn’t deserve: happiness.

He turned away. “There are things you don’t know.”

She drew closer, putting her small hand on his chest again. His body shook at the contact. “Then tell me.”

“I can’t.” The Guard. Gordon. He could speak of neither.

Her mouth tightened. “It has something to do with William, doesn’t it? You think your feelings for me are a betrayal. But I never belonged to William. I barely knew him. You are choosing the memory of your friend—a ghost—over the flesh-and-blood woman who loves you.”

To prove her point, she slid her arms around his neck, lifted on her tiptoes, and pressed her soft body against his.

Jesus. His body jerked at the contact. He felt as if he were jumping out of his own damned skin.

Instinctively, his arm circled around her waist, holding her to him. Her soft, feminine curves fit in all the right places.

“You are the most stubborn man I know. But you know something, I can be stubborn, too. I want you, Magnus, and I intend to fight for you.”

Their eyes met in the semidarkness. It was a mistake. He felt the pull. The irresistible temptation. His head lowered. Just one kiss. One little taste. Was that too much to ask?

He let his lips fall on hers for only a moment. But even the fleeting contact was enough to harken danger. His senses exploded. Her lips were so soft and sweet. She tasted of passion and desire held in check for too long. His body hammered, ached to deepen the kiss. But he knew that if he didn’t pull back soon, he wouldn’t be able to.

Still, he couldn’t force himself to break the contact, needing to absorb just a little more of her sweetness …

Suddenly, he felt her tiny fist pound on his chest. She tore her mouth away with a cry. “Stop! Damn you, stop!”

What in Hades? Magnus gazed down into fierce blue eyes glistening with unshed tears. “What’s wrong? I thought you wanted me to kiss you.”

“I do, damn you. But did you hear nothing I said? Why are you holding back? I want you to kiss me like you started to in the forest. I want you to kiss me like you did the woman at the wedding. I want you to touch me. Talk to me. Tell me everything you want to do to me like you did when you thought I was Joanna. I want you to stop treating me like a—”

“Virgin?”

Magnus snapped. He captured her fist from his chest and pinned it behind her back, dragging her against him. He knew it was wrong to begrudge his dead friend what was rightfully his, but he did. She should have been mine. There, he’d put it to words. Damn his soul to hell for it.