The Saint (Highland Guard #5)(10)

Ironically, when she’d had the chance to seize the day she’d faltered. It was the one time in her life she’d tried to do what was right. Instead of following her heart, she’d let her brother persuade her to do her duty to her family and return with him. She knew Kenneth thought he was doing what was right, and perhaps given the circumstances it was. Rationally. But love wasn’t rational. Love had its own rules, and she’d been too weak to follow them. She’d been confused. Unsure of Magnus’s feelings for her and, truth be told, of hers for him. The enormity of the decision had overwhelmed her.

Her family had been so convincing. A youthful folly, they’d told her. “You know how you are, Helen, you love to love.” It was the excitement. The illicit nature of their relationship. She would see. Give it time. She would forget about him.

But it didn’t take her long to realize her feelings weren’t going away. That what she felt for Magnus was special. He saw her differently than anyone else and loved her for it. Her longing for passion had been misplaced. She’d taken for granted his calm solidity. The security in knowing that he was there for her.

She’d begged and pleaded for her family to reconsider, but an alliance with the hated MacKays was unfathomable. And then it was too late. Magnus had disappeared and her father had betrothed her to William.

She’d never thought it would be forever. She thought Magnus would come for her. But he hadn’t. War broke out, and nothing had ever been the same.

But maybe it wasn’t too late after all. Maybe—

“Is everything all right, Helen?” Helen turned to see Lady Isabella—or Bella, as she insisted on being called—watching her. She smiled. “Or is the comb not to your liking?”

Helen looked down and blushed, realizing she’d been staring absently at the comb in her hand for some time. She shook her head and put it down. “I think perhaps I should not have broken my fast. My stomach is a bit unsettled.”

“It’s your wedding day,” Bella said. “It’s normal to feel as if you have a few butterflies fluttering around in your belly. Perhaps you would feel better if you lay down for a while?”

Helen shook her head, the means of escape suddenly coming to her. She stood up. “A spot of fresh air is all I need.”

“I shall go with you,” Lady Anna volunteered, overhearing the last part of their conversation.

“Nay, please,” Helen said quickly. “That isn’t necessary. I shall only be a short while.”

Bella came to her rescue a second time this morning. “Anna, weren’t you going to fetch some earrings …?”

The recently married young bride jumped to her feet, the soft roundness of her belly just visible beneath the folds of her gown. “That’s right. Thank you for reminding me. They will go perfectly with your eyes,” she said to Helen.

“Your dress will be ready for you to put on when you get back,” Christina said with a bright smile. The formidable MacLeod chief’s wife was easily one of the most beautiful women Helen had ever seen.

Helen felt a stab of guilt, seeing how eagerly everyone was looking forward to this wedding. Everyone but she.

Bella followed her to the door. “I’ve always enjoyed the path through the forest to the chapel,” she suggested. “I believe what you are looking for is there.” Their eyes met. The hint of compassion in the other woman’s eyes told her she’d guessed at least some of the truth. “I love them both,” the former Countess of Buchan finished quietly.

Helen nodded, understanding. No matter what happened, someone would be hurt.

But unlike Bella, Helen loved only one of them. She raced down the stairs and out of the tower into the frigid December morning. The thick blanket of icy mist had yet to lift from its moorings and hung like a silty sea of gray across the large courtyard.

Thankfully, no one remarked upon the oddity of seeing the bride make her escape out the gate mere hours before her wedding. Moments later, Helen found herself walking down the small, rocky rise upon which the castle sat and into the shadowy darkness of the forest to the south.

It was a short walk through the trees to the small chapel, which served the spiritual needs of the castle and the surrounding village. The stone building sat on a small rise in the middle of the small woodland. It was quiet as she approached. Eerily quiet. A whisper of trepidation slid down her spine.

She slowed, for the first time considering what she was doing. Her brothers would be furious. Her betrothed … angry? She didn’t know him well enough to guess his reaction. Her father, gone now for two years would have given her that look that he always did when she’d done something that seemed perfectly logical to her, but incomprehensible to him. It was the same look Will had perfected, often accompanied by some comment about her hair. As if red were some explanation for all the trouble she caused.

But it didn’t matter. She knew what she was doing. She was following her heart. What she should have done all those years ago.

The chapel was only a few feet away when she saw him. Her heart caught in a gasp in her throat. He sat with his back to her on a rock a few feet from the chapel door, staring at it as if he couldn’t decide whether to go in. The mere sight of him swelled her chest. If there was even the slightest chance that they might be able to find happiness, she had to seize that chance.

“Magnus.” Even saying his name invoked too much emotion, and the simple word came out as a strangled cry.