The Remedy (The Program 0.5)(64)

HELLO, BEAUTIFUL, it says.

I drop down on the edge of my bed, my cheeks burning from the flattery. DO YOU WANT TO SEE A MOVIE TONIGHT? I ask. In reality, I don’t hate movies. I kind of love them.

DEFINITELY, he writes. I HAVE PRACTICE UNTIL SEVEN. I’LL PICK YOU UP AFTER.

I tell him to have a great day, and then slip the phone into my backpack and go outside to meet my parents at the car. None of us mentions anything to break the illusion. Not one word.

“You love the river,” my mother tells me from the front seat, beaming as we drive toward the park.

“I can’t wait,” I say, watching the trees pass outside the window. The sky is a gorgeous blue. It’s a new day. A new life. I smile and settle back against my seat.

The afternoon glides by, easy and calm. My father grills wearing a button-down shirt with bold patterns, and a wide-brimmed hat. He looks like he’s on vacation in Florida. My mother sits at a picnic table, reading a book and drinking soda out of a can with a straw. I’m lying on a towel in the grass with my chin on my folded hands, watching the water rush by. It’s still a little too cold to swim, but in this spot the wind doesn’t touch us.

Isaac texts me throughout the day, telling me how he wishes I could be his lab partner in physics class instead of Byron, who’s “dumb as shit.” He says he’s been dodging Kyle most of the day, and that he thinks he’s going to fake sick one day this week so he can hang out with me instead. I tell him I like this plan.

“Who’ve you been talking to?” my mother asks curiously as we sit at the picnic table, eating burgers. I feel myself blush, and wipe off a bit of ketchup that’s smeared on the corner of my mouth.

“Isaac,” I say, and take another bite. I have a quick worry about their reaction.

“He’s better with you,” she says, but not dreamily. I look up and find her staring at me, her expression clear. “We thought we’d lost him; no one could get through to him,” she continues. “But your sister told me he’s improving. That he’s been better since you arrived. If you stay . . .” She tilts her head. “I think he’d be really happy.”

My mother is saying what I already feel. There’s a place for me here, with Isaac and with them. Maybe after Isaac graduates, I can go to California too. Take classes. I can fill in all of their empty spaces and make something of this life that was cut too short.

I set down my food and grab a new napkin to wipe my hands. “I think I’d be happy too,” I tell my parents. My heart swells at the idea of being part of their family. I don’t let myself think about how impossible it would be—how the department would never let me. In my head, it could be real.

My father reaches to put his large hand over mine. “Then stay,” he says.

* * *

Isaac and I don’t watch much of the movie. The theater was almost completely empty, and we sat in the shadows of the very back row. Now his mouth is on my neck, his tongue occasionally touching my skin and driving me wild. I don’t think about anything. My mind is blank and I just feel, blanketed by heat and emotion.

We kiss again, his mouth sweetened by candy. By the time we stop, still breathing each other in, the movie is almost over. We pull apart and look around, glad no one has noticed us, or at least they’ve pretended not to. I’m embarrassed by our complete lack of control. My lips are raw and swollen, and Isaac is watching me, wild with passion. But then suddenly . . . it worries me. Like this is too much too fast.

“We should go,” I say abruptly. Isaac’s face twists in confusion, and I lean in and peck his lips. “Sorry,” I tell him. “But you’re too tempting.”

He laughs. “Me?” He looks me over and then moves in to kiss me again. I hold out my hand to stop him. Despite the fact that I’m insanely attracted to him, I’m too aware of us now.

“Come on,” I say, taking his hand to pull him up. We skip out before the final scene of the movie, but neither of us cares. Isaac’s arm is thrown over my shoulders as we walk through the outdoor mall, and he talks about practice and school—regular things that I don’t know much about. But I listen, nod when I should. When a cool breeze blows by, I snuggle up a little closer and he holds me tight, kissing the top of my head.

This is what it’s like to be normal, I tell myself. I watch the people who pass us on our way to his truck, watch their expressions and try to mimic them. Try to take their normal.

* * *

When I get home, I see I’ve missed three calls from Aaron and two from Deacon. They’ve sent text messages too, but I don’t read them. I’m tired. I climb into bed and close my eyes. But I don’t retreat into any memories tonight. Or the next night. This time, my world is enough to comfort me.

And so I let the week stretch on like a beautiful dream that I never want to wake up from.

CHAPTER TWO

THERE IS AN INSISTENT BUZZING. My eyelids are heavy, as if I could sleep for a few more hours. I finally sit up, pushing my hair away from my face, and turn to see my phone lit up on the side table. It’s Aaron. I click ignore again and turn my clock so I can read the numbers. It’s nearly ten a.m.

I get dressed and find my mother cleaning up the living room. My father has already left for work, and my mother is really focused on getting the details right for my party next week.

We spent Wednesday afternoon going over invites, and I listened to her stories about my parties past. Yesterday we went back to the mall to pick out the perfect dress, one that needed to be let out just a little. Today she wants to run some errands to get the decorations, but I’m worn out from all the planning. She asks if I want to go with her, but when I scrunch my nose, she laughs. She tells me to take the day off.