The Ranger (Highland Guard #3)(102)

She stiffened, his accusation stinging. “I told you the alliance with Ross was my idea.”

“That’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about using you as his messenger.”

She sucked in her breath. He knew about that? Oh God, had she unwittingly given him information? “When?” she breathed. “When did you find out?”

“Not until a few weeks ago—unfortunately.” His face turned fierce. “Damn it, Anna, do you know how much danger you were in?”

“Aye, but I never imagined the source.” From you. He was the enemy, spying on her and doing what he could to ...

She stared at him as all the terrible ramifications came tumbling through her mind. Suddenly, she jerked back in horror. No, not that. Please. Her stomach turned. “Why did you insist on accompanying me north, Arthur?”

“To keep you safe.”

“And to prevent the alliance with Ross?”

He met her stare unflinchingly. “Aye, if necessary.”

Pain lashed her heart so hard she choked on a sob.

“It’s not what you think. I didn’t plan for that to happen.”

The pain lashed inside her. She felt raw—bleeding. “And I’m supposed to believe you?”

His jaw clenched. “It’s the truth. What happened in that room was because I was half-crazed with jealousy, nearly out of my mind at the thought of losing you. I’m not proud of what I did, but I swear to you it wasn’t planned.”

“It just happened, is that it? And what about last night? Did that just happen too?” Her voice shook with the emotion flaying inside her. “How could you, Arthur? You knew what was going to happen eventually, and yet you let me believe that you cared for me—that you planned to marry me. But it was all a lie.”

How could she have been so foolish to have given herself to a man who was planning to betray her. To betray them all?

“Nay,” he said roughly, forcing her to look at him. “It wasn’t a lie. None of it was a lie. I—” He hesitated, as if the words didn’t fit in his mouth. “I love you, Anna. Nothing would make me happier than to marry you.”

For one foolish moment, her heart leapt as she heard the words she’d longed to hear. Words that should have made everything perfect, but instead made it feel even more wrong.

He was cruel. Telling her what she so desperately wanted to believe. He was probably just trying to manipulate her so she wouldn’t turn him in.

Turn him in. Oh God, what was she going to do?

She had a duty to tell her father what she’d discovered. But if she did, she had no doubt what would happen: Arthur would die. And if she didn’t, Arthur would take whatever information he’d learned while spying on them and give it to their enemies.

It was an impossible choice, but even after all that Arthur had done, she knew that she couldn’t be the one to put the noose around his neck. One man could not defeat an army.

“You honestly expect me to believe you love me?”

He stiffened, but held her gaze to his. “Aye, I do. Perhaps I don’t have any right to do so, but it’s the truth. I’ve never said those words to anyone and never thought I would. But from the first moment we met I felt something special—I know you felt it, too—a connection I couldn’t resist.”

“What you felt was lust,” she said, throwing his words back at him. His mouth tightened. She knew she was pushing him, but she was too hurt and angry to care. “How can you expect me to believe you love me, when you’ve lied to me from the first moment we met?”

“What would you have had me do? I couldn’t very well tell you the truth. Do you think I wanted this to happen? Bloody hell, you were the last person I wanted to fall in love with.”

Anna flinched. Was that supposed to make her feel better? Though hearing how reluctant his feelings were for her stung, his words rang of truth.

“I tried to stay away,” he pointed out, his frustration taking a toll. “But you wouldn’t let me.”

“So this is my fault? Is that it?”

He sighed, dragging his hand through his hair again. “Nay, of course not. Even if you had avoided me, I would have fallen in love with you from afar. I was drawn to you the first time I saw you. Your warmth. Your vitality. Your kindness. You’re everything that I didn’t know was missing in my life—that I didn’t think was possible for me. I never wanted that kind of closeness until I met you.”

Despite her every intention not to be gulled by him again, she felt a pang in her heart.

He cupped her chin in his hand and tilted her face to his. “I know I can’t expect you to believe me, Anna, but I hope you’ll try to understand that I did the best I could under impossible circumstances. I was doomed to betray you before we even met.”

Her eyes raked his face, looking for signs of deception but seeing only sincerity. She wanted to believe him, but how could she with what he meant to do? Even if his feelings for her were real, he still meant to betray her. He was on one side and she was on another. He wanted to kill her father.

She wrenched her face away, fearing her own weakness. When he looked at her like that all she could think about was kissing him, and how good it would feel to let him put his arms around her and pretend it would be all right.

“How can I believe you care for me when you are here spying on us to destroy my family, and to exact some kind of revenge on my father? If you really loved me, you wouldn’t do this.”