The Raider (Highland Guard #8)(115)

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Sir Alex asked softly.

She wasn’t sure at all. But it had to be done. Rosalin glanced across the black river at the flickering torchlight on the other side. She took a deep breath, feeling the hot swell of emotion tighten in her chest. God, why did it have to hurt so much? She nodded, and without further hesitation, they rode across the bridge.

It was morning when Robbie stormed into the yard of Park Castle. He’d ridden as if the devil were nipping at his heels, unable to quiet the voice inside him. Hurry!

But the moment he glanced up into the tower window, he knew it was too late. His heart sank like a stone in a bottomless well. Darkness crashed down on him. She wasn’t looking down at him from the window. She wasn’t there.

A fear that was confirmed moments later when Joanna Douglas met them in the Hall.

“Where is Rosalin?” he demanded, fear already slashing his voice with a harsh edge.

“Watch it, Boyd,” Douglas said. “I know you are angry, but don’t take it out on my wife.”

But Joanna did not shirk from his anger. “I don’t need you to defend me from overbearing brutes, James. I’m quite used to them and displays of black temper.”

Robbie winced. Had he really thought her too sweet?

She turned back to answer him. “I assume at Berwick Castle by now. She and Sir Alex rode out not long after you left.”

Though part of him had known it, the news still shook him. How could she be gone, damn it? He had to explain. He had to apologize. He had to tell her how wrong he’d been.

You drove her away.

Douglas swore. “And you just let them leave?”

Joanna’s sweet blue eyes turned glacial as her gaze leveled on her husband’s. “I did.”

From her tone, she seemed to daring him to say something more.

Douglas clamped his mouth shut. Apparently, after the mistake they’d narrowly averted, he’d decided to cut his losses with his wife. Joanna had been right. Rosalin and Seton had been right. And they all knew it.

Robbie clenched his fists, the raw emotion lashing around inside him like a whip. Anger. Disbelief. Despair. It needed a place to go, and he struck out against the only other person he could blame besides himself. How could the man who’d been his partner for seven years betray him like this? “I’m going to kill him.”

Joanna lifted a delicate brow. “Sir Alex?” She shook her head. “I fear that might be difficult.”

“What do you mean?”

“He left you something.” She pointed to the small solar off the Hall that Douglas used to conduct estate business. “It’s in there.”

Robbie closed the door behind him as he entered the room, grateful a moment later for the privacy when he opened the plain burlap sack to see the darkened nasal helm and plaid.

He flinched. For the second time in the space of a few minutes, he felt the hard slap of shock. And it stung—bitterly.

Seton had finally done it. He’d left the Guard and defected to the English. Robbie didn’t know why he was surprised. Hadn’t he expected Seton to betray them for years? He was a bloody Englishman. How could Robbie have trusted him, even a little?

Ah hell. Barely before he’d finished the thought, the truth hit him hard. That was exactly what had driven her away. She told him that he would always see her as English—as Clifford’s sister—and never be able to fully trust her. She’d accused him of being blinded by vengeance. She was right. His inability to see the sweet, caring woman who was offering him her heart had made him lose the best thing that had ever happened to him.

I thought you needed me.

He did need her. He hadn’t realized how much until now. She’d seen something in him that he’d almost forgotten was there. He thought her fierce sense of justice had reminded him of someone once, and now he realized who it was: him. Once he’d fought for the right reasons. Once he’d stopped to ask whether something was right or wrong. Winning didn’t have to come at the expense of honor, and somehow along the way, he’d forgotten that. But she’d brought it back to him.

Of course she’d left. He’d given her no reason to stay. When he thought of how many times she’d offered him her heart and he’d offered her nothing in return, he wanted to empty his stomach. She’d been willing to give up everything for him, and the only thing she’d asked for in return—his trust—he’d been unwilling to give her.

She loved him, and…

He dropped to a bench as the sickening truth crashed down on him.

He loved her. Of course he did. He’d known it and hadn’t wanted to accept it. He’d been too scared of what it might mean and too scared of having to send her back. And by refusing to admit it, he’d achieved the very thing he’d feared: he’d lost her.

He would never have given her back. If her brother didn’t agree he would have found another way. He knew that now. But she didn’t. And he’d lost the chance to tell her.

Seton had accused him once of being dead inside. He wished it were true so he didn’t have to feel the black emptiness opening up within him.

He put his head in his hands and tried to think, tried to hold on to the edge of the cliff to prevent himself from slipping into the chasm of darkness that was his future.

How in the hell was he going to get her back?