The Promise (The 'Burg #5)(61)

But I liked it.

I tilted my head back, opening my eyes, and I saw Benny.

Half asleep, my belly still did a dip.

“Hey,” he whispered, his voice deep, easy, and gruff, and right on the heels of the last one, my belly did another dip.

“Hey,” I replied.

“How you feelin’?” he asked.

Groggily, I did a mental scan and found that either Benny’s bed with his body in it was a miracle elixir, or the lateness with which I took the pill meant it hadn’t worn off yet, because I felt awesome.

“Good,” I answered.

“Good,” he murmured, and I tensed when he lifted his head and buried his face in my neck.

The tenseness lasted a millisecond before I felt his lips at my neck and my body melted into his, even as my hands slid from his chest, one pushing under his body, which he shifted to accommodate me so I could wrap both my arms around him.

“Gonna get up.” His voice rumbled against my skin.

“I’m gonna snooze,” I replied.

“Mm.” The soft noise he made rolled along my neck, causing a shiver to glide down my spine and my hands to move along the intriguing ridges and flats of his back.

His mouth glided up my neck and I felt his tongue touch the hinge of my jaw.

I closed my eyes and dipped my hands lower, going under his tee and shifting up so I could feel those ridges and flats, skin against skin.

That was better, by a whole lot. His skin was warm and soft, the ridges and flats fascinating.

When my touch came unhindered, one of Benny’s hands slid to my ass and cupped it.

I pressed my lips together to suppress my own “mm.”

Even so, his mouth came to my ear and he whispered, “Like your touch, baby, but like it too much. This’s gotta end now.”

I felt disappointment slide through me as his hand gave my ass a squeeze before it drifted up to the hollow of my back and he lifted his head away from my ear. I opened my eyes and his caught mine.

“Doctor gives the go-ahead, we’re all over that,” he told me quietly. “He doesn’t, we’ll wait. Findin’ the wait’s worth it, so know when we get there, it’ll still be worth it.”

Still sleepy and slightly turned on, my hands encountering Benny’s skin for the first time, I didn’t have it in me not to blurt out, “You’re even awesome in the morning.”

He grinned, his eyes warm, sexy, and full of promise when he said, “I’m awesome all the time, babe.”

At his arrogance, I kept all the goodness of the last three minutes but still narrowed my eyes at him.

“Seriously?” I asked.

“Fuck yeah,” he answered, still grinning.

Before I could retort, he dipped his head, touched his mouth to mine, and pulled back.

“You snooze. I’m gonna hop in the shower. You’re not up, I’ll wake you when you gotta start getting ready.”

After delivering that, he gave me another mouth touch, let me go, and rolled out of bed.

But as he did all that, I thought there was no way I would be able to snooze with a na**d Benny in the shower just a room away.

Still, I snuggled up under the covers. Cautiously curling my knees closer to my belly and still feeling no pain, I settled in, closed my eyes, and listened for the shower.

I felt a slow smile spread on my lips when it came.

The smile died when my mind moved to other thoughts.

I had not woken in a man’s arms in over seven years and the last man’s arms I woke in were Vinnie’s.

Vinnie, like Benny, was a cuddler, even in sleep. He liked contact. He showed affection whenever he could—awake, asleep, physically, verbally, even going so far as to let me know he was thinking of me when he was going about his day. I knew this when I’d come home to flowers. Or a little sweet nothing gift. Or even a card that had a hokey love message. Vinnie would write in the card, making fun of it, but we both knew he meant those words and that’s what made it sweet.

When he started to work for Sal, when he became whatever it was they were before they became a made man, those little gestures started dwindling. Not the physical affection. The verbal affection, the gifts, and the cards.

Apparently, a wise guy in training (and definitely those out of it) didn’t do sweet things for his woman. Apparently, a wise guy showed no weakness, even for his woman. Apparently, a wise guy considered doing thoughtful things for the woman he loved a weakness, when the woman he loved thought it was the opposite.

Knowing he had that in him, guessing why he took it away from me, the crack that had formed in our relationship when I tried to talk him out of approaching his father about franchising (and he didn’t listen)…

The crack that cut deeper each time he did something reckless that I tried to explain was just that (and he didn’t listen)…

The crack that split between us further when he took up with Sal…

It tore us apart.

I just wouldn’t admit to it or give up.

I knew that now, forced to come to terms with it in Vinnie’s brother’s bed.

And lying in that bed after having a hint of Benny Bianchi’s good morning for the first time, a hint that was sweet and sexy, a hint that I knew could only get bigger and better, the thing that hit me was that it wouldn’t matter whose bed I was in. I would think back to what I’d had and how it went bad. I would make the comparisons. Unless I continued to live my life as I was the seven years before I was shot, which I didn’t intend to do, I would find a man and as I adjusted to a new person in my life, those thoughts were bound to drift through my head. In order to get healthy mentally and get on with my life, I would eventually have to come to terms with it.