The Program (The Program #1)(35)

I tiny gasp escaped my lips, and my entire body warmed at his confession. But I was terrified of what would happen next, what it would mean. “You can’t kiss me,” I said, taking another step back. “You’ll ruin everything.”

“I know!” he agreed. He looked around my room, clearly annoyed, and then back at me. “What have you done?” he asked me.

“Me?”

“God,” he said, ignoring my question. “Do you know how many girls I don’t like? And then the one I do . . . It’s my best friend’s little sister?”

Butterflies went crazy in my stomach. “You like me?”

His eyes met mine, and then he furrowed his brow like he thought I was stupid. “Yes, Sloane.”

“And you’re being mean to me because . . .”

Then suddenly, James’s face cleared and he laughed. “I don’t know exactly. But I’ve been trying to not like you since you gave me a hard-on in the tent so—”

“What?”

“Don’t worry about it. Okay, so listen. We’re not going to kiss or anything,” he said, as if I’d propositioned him. “Maybe . . . I don’t know, maybe if we hang out—just the two of us—we’ll realize that we don’t really like each other. You could end up hating me. I can be a total shithead.”

My mouth twitched with a smile. “James, I’ve known you since I was in second grade. I’m not sure spending more time together is a great idea.”

He watched me for a while, thinking it over. “Probably not,” he said quietly. “But I want to anyway.”

“Oh.”

He shrugged. “Come here.”

I widened my eyes, startled. I thought he said we wouldn’t kiss. “No.”

James didn’t wait and instead moved to wrap his arms around me, pulling me into a hug. He rested his cheek on the top of my head, and I wasn’t sure what to do. We didn’t move for a long moment, and eventually I slid my hands from my side and put them around his waist. He sighed when I did.

“Freaking hell, Sloane,” he breathed into my hair. “We’re gonna end up making a mess of things.”

“I know.”

He squeezed me one more time and then dropped his arms, turning and leaving the room without another look back at me. I was stunned, standing there alone in my room. But after a moment, I put my hand over my heart and smiled.

• • •

I startle when the buzzer sounds the minute I’m done talking, signaling the end of therapy. I feel better, the remembered moments with James enough to make me want to live another day. Even if it’s just today.

I stand to leave when Dr. Warren calls my name. I turn back and she smiles, sliding the Dixie cup with a yellow pill toward me. “You forgot your medication,” she says.

Even though the calming effects of the last pill are still heavy in my system, I get a sudden sense that something is wrong. I look down at the medication, trying to figure out what’s really going on.

“What’s in the pills?” I ask, narrowing my eyes at Dr. Warren.

“I told you, just something to relax you.”

“Then I don’t need it,” I say. “The last dose is still with me.”

Her expression doesn’t falter. “Take the pill, Sloane.”

My heart kicks up its beats, and I move back a step. “No.”

Dr. Warren removes her glasses, setting them beside her before folding her hands on the desk. “This is an important step in your recovery,” she says. “You must take it or we’ll have to give it to you intravenously. And that’s never pleasant.”

“You’d force me?” I ask. Even though I knew the situation all along, knew that I was in The Program against my will, the idea of being physically restrained again is enough to make me panic.

“This is treatment,” Dr. Warren says. “Think of it as your antibiotic. We need to treat the virus, and then you’ll be free of it. Take the pill and go home, Sloane. It’s as simple as that.”

I consider arguing, fighting my way out. But there’s nothing outside this office but the stark white halls of The Program. And so I throw the doctor a hateful glare and lean forward to grab the yellow pill, swallowing it down before walking out.

CHAPTER FOUR

IT’S NEARLY DINNERTIME WHEN NURSE KELL COMES in to get me, saying that Dr. Warren has denied my request to eat in my room. The nurse helps me get dressed because I’m still groggy from my therapy session. I’m not sure I’ve had one clear moment since coming to The Program.

Nurse Kell holds my arm as we walk to the dining room, and the moving around actually helps me wake up a little. I try to think back on where the day went, but it’s all a blur. “Stop drugging me,” I mumble. “It’s too strong.”

Nurse Kell looks concerned. “Oh, dear. Well, I’ll certainly mention it to Dr. Francis. Maybe he can change your dose.”

“Yeah,” I say, pulling my arm from hers now that I can stand on my own. “I’m sure he will.” I turn away and head toward the serving line, looking over the different foods set out on trays. I don’t want to eat. I don’t want to talk. What I want is to take this tray and smash things with it, but I know that won’t get me home any faster.