The Pairing (The Proposition #3)(39)
Instead, he kept right on with his compressions. The elevator doors opened, and Megan met the expectant faces of the surgical team. When one doctor stepped forward, she shook her head. “She’s gone.”
Pesh growled across from her. “No, she isn’t. We have to keep trying. Get a cart in here.”
The doctor eyed the stats on the monitors. “I don’t think it will help.”
Jerking his head up from Mary, Pesh snarled, “Get the f**king cart!”
As one of the nurses scrambled away, two others pulled the gurney from the elevator. Megan stood back, feeling helpless as to what to do. Once the cart arrived, Pesh ripped open Mary’s gown. “Charging 260 joules.” He rubbed the paddles together. “Clear!”
Mary’s chest jolted off the gurney with the force of the electricity. Megan didn’t need to look at the monitors. The heart stayed in a flat line. “Charging 360 joules.” Megan closed her eyes when Pesh administered the second shock. “Dammit, Jade, don’t do this! Try for me!”
Megan couldn’t hold back the gasp that escaped her at Pesh calling Mary by his late wife’s name. Before Pesh could do another charge, one of the surgeon’s stepped forward. After he removed his mask, he put his hand on Pesh’s back. “Calling time of death.”
Defeated, Pesh dropped his head. Slowly, he eased back from the gurney. A nurse took the paddles from him and put them back on the cart. “I’ll go notify the family,” Pesh murmured.
The surgeon shook his head and stared pointedly at Megan. “Get a resident to do that. Nadeen, you go take a breather, buddy.”
“They deserve to speak to the doctor who was with her when she died.”
“You don’t need to do this.”
Pesh slung away from the surgeon and started for the elevator. Megan knew there was no point in arguing with him or trying to get one of the residents to take his place. She didn’t know if she should try to go to him or not. She regretted her decision when he turned to face her in the elevator. His expression was agonizingly broken. As the doors closed, her heart ached for him. She knew any doctor hated to lose a patient, especially a young one, but this went far deeper than that. From his behavior, Megan knew that Mary’s death had exposed a raw nerve in Pesh—one that after two years still hadn’t healed. Somehow he had seen his wife in Mary, and once again, he wasn’t able to save her.
After she had escorted Mary’s body back upstairs to wait on the funeral home, Megan went in search of Pesh. She couldn’t find him in any of the exam rooms, nor was he in the doctors’ lounge or break room. Finally, she went to Kristi for answers. “Did you see where Dr. Nadeen went?”
Kristi gave her a sad smile. “You’ll probably find him on the roof.”
Megan’s brows shot up in surprise. “The roof?”
Kristi nodded. “Whenever he has a really bad day about his wife—” She sucked in a breath when she realized she might have said too much.
At the thought of Pesh’s grief, Megan’s chest tightened in agony. He was too good of a man to have to suffer like he did. “So he goes up to the roof?” Megan finished for Kristi.
“He likes to be alone to clear his head. Although none of us would say anything, he usually ends up pulling another shift to make up for the time he was gone.”
Of course Pesh would do something like that. He was honorable every moment of his life, even after those of immense grief. Even though she knew he probably wanted and needed to be alone, Megan wanted to check on him. She couldn’t bear the thoughts of him suffering so much.
“Um, if it’s okay, I think I’ll go ahead and take my dinner break.”
Kristi gave her a knowing look before nodding. “Sure, honey. Go right ahead.”
Megan smiled before brushing past Kristi. She bypassed the break room where her purse was. Instead, she kept going. After a brisk walk down the hall, she got to the Authorized Personnel Only stairwell. She didn’t dare use the elevator shaft where trauma patients were brought in from being airlifted. Without hesitation, Megan swiped her access card. When the lock clicked, she flung the door open and started up the flights of stairs. She was winded when she reached the top. Cautiously, her hand hovered over the doorknob. She couldn’t help wondering what she might find on the other side. Would Pesh be an emotional mess? Would he be angry that she had interrupted his private grieving? Shaking the thoughts from her head, she flung open the door.
As she stepped onto the roof, the air grew cooler. A breeze rippled her scrubs. Her gaze spun around frantically until she found him. Pesh stood at the edge of the roof. His usual ramrod straight posture was slumped, his broad shoulders drawn in. Although she couldn’t see his face, his gaze seemed fixed straight ahead into the night sky. To add insult to injury, clouds blotted out the stars, cloaking everything in darkness.
Tentatively, she started over to him. “Hey,” she said softly.
He whirled around in surprise. Her heart clenched at the sight of the tears sparkling in his eyes. Even in the darkness, she could see a blood-red flush entering his cheeks. His hands quickly came up to swipe away the moisture from his eyes. “Hello,” he finally replied in a hoarse whisper.
They stood in an awkward silence, staring each other down. Finally, Megan took a step forward to close the gap between them. “How did you know I was up here?” he asked.