The Other Man(61)

All he could give me was a big fat maybe, just maybe someday, and I needed more than that, plain and simple.

I had myself worked up into a temper when I heard the front door opening.

I threw on my robe and charged through the house.

And there was Heath, locking the door behind him with one hand, a bouquet of pink lilies in the other.

My temper left me in one long, dreamy sigh.

“I forgot last night,” he explained, holding up the flowers.  “But then I remembered this morning.  I noticed that your boys brought you different kinds, so I thought I’d surprise you.”

I smiled, moving to take them from him.  “It’s true, I like variety.”

“Hopefully you’re only talking about flowers when you say that.”

I laughed, shooting him a look over my shoulder.  “You tell jokes now?  Surely that’s a sign of the apocalypse?”

I was rewarded with his version of a fond smile.

I put the lilies in a vase and was just setting them on my entryway table when his voice made my breath catch in my chest.

“If you tell me to stay away, I’ll do it.  Otherwise . . . I’ll never leave you alone, never let you move on.

I shut my eyes tight.  “Stay away.”

“Do you mean it?”

I stood my ground, barely.

I let out a deep, stuttering breath and gave him a very soft, tremulous, “Yes.  I need to move on, and I’ll never move on if we keep doing this.  Not if you can’t give me something real, something lasting.”

“I’ve always given you something real.  This is real.  And for what it’s worth, it’ll last as long as I live.”

Powerful emotion made my voice thick.  I couldn’t quite believe what he was saying to me.  “Then why have we never so much as talked about the future?”

“I don’t have a future, Lourdes.  But if I did . . .  if I did, it would be yours.  I’d give it you in a heartbeat.  I wish I could give you everything you deserve.”

“Will you explain that to me?  Why don’t you have a future?”

“They’re not my secrets to tell.”

“This is our entire problem.  If you could just stop being cryptic for one second and tell me what is going on.”

His fists clenched.  “I’m doing my level-best here,” he enunciated slowly.

“Well, I need you to do better.  If you’re asking me to do what I think you are, to wait for you, for some indeterminate amount of time, then I need at least some answers.”

His eyes closed, jaw clenched in defeat, and I thought we were dead in the water.

But then he proved me wrong about him, yet again.  “Ask me a question, and I’ll try my best to answer it, okay?

I didn’t know whether I was relieved or appalled.  What would I be willing to do for a Heath that was actually upfront with me about his life?

It boggled the mind.

I started with the most important question.  “Why don’t you have a future?

“I’m on an assignment right now that is very dangerous.  I’ve already taken six bullets for it over two different occasions and lost several men.  I’m protecting a witness, a very important one, one that is in a great deal of danger.  I can’t discuss the details of the case, but it is high stakes, and there is no other option but for me to see it through to the end.”

“Can’t you just go into hiding for a while?”

“We have, and we do, but this witness has powerful enemies working in the government, and my team’s already been compromised twice.  And besides that, at some point my witness will be taking the stand in a very public trial.  We can’t hide for that part.”

“I got the impression your sister is right in the middle of this mess.  How is she involved?”

His mouth turned down into a frown that made me want to burst into tears, it was so full of pain.  “She’s the witness.”

Oh God.  There really was no way out for him.

“I’ll fight to the end to protect her, to stay alive myself,” he continued. “But our odds are shit poor.  Impossible to sugar coat it.  And even if somehow we succeed, and I keep Iris alive long enough to do the job she has to do, I still have years of work ahead of me before I can ever sleep easy at night.”

“So,” I said slowly, “if we’re optimistic and things work out in your favor, we’re talking years you’re asking me to wait?”

“It’s a very good possibility.  I’m sorry.  I wish I could give you a better answer.”

I wished he could too.

“Tell me something sweet, Heath,” I uttered softly.

“I know I’m not being fair to you here.  I know I should let you move on.  But I can’t.  I’ll do anything to be with you for as much time as I can.  Anything you ask.”

I soaked that up.  I don’t know how he did it, but he always managed to say the thing that made it worth me sticking around, no matter how little he had to offer.

“Okay,” I finally said, even while my mind still raked over all of the things I’d learned.  “I’ll wait for you.  As long as you’re faithful.  And as long as you try your damned hardest to get back to me as soon, and as often, as you can.”