The Newcomer (Thunder Point #2)(62)

“They’re being idiots about it, too. But they don’t really appreciate the value of education—neither of them went to college and they’re pretty satisfied with things. Dad says the union did more for him than an education ever would.” He shook his head. “They think Downy’s going to make millions and build them a big house on the ocean. Crazy.”

She laughed lightly. “Where did you come from?” she asked, shaking her head.

“The cabbage patch, I think. Doesn’t Downy get that that his whole life is only as good as his rotator cuff or his elbow if he goes with baseball?”

“You know what, Frank? He was born to take that on. Athletics has always been the most important thing to Downy. Any sport. He lives that way—it’s his life. Being a star athlete—that was more important to Downy than anything else. And you? Learning is most important to you. I think you’re both going to do well in life, that’s what I think.”

“I hope you’re right.”

“I bet you already have scholarship offers,” she said. “Just based on your SATs.”

He shrugged.

She laughed. “I knew it! Well, I guess there’s a lot more to the Downy family than people know. Your folks might not have big flashy degrees, but they have some talented kids.”

“Sure. Thanks. Back to the prom...”

She reached out and touched his arm. “You know what, buddy? If I didn’t have a lot of crap to deal with, I would totally accept that invitation. And it isn’t just about Downy being your brother, either. It’s just that this year, even though I was really looking forward to it, I’m not going. With anyone. Justin Bieber could ask me and I’d say no thanks.”

“What good is it going to do to skip it just because my brother acted like such a jerk?”

“It’s not about him anymore, Frank. It’s about me. I was so into Downy, it was almost like he absorbed me or something. It seemed so cool to have this popular senior like me, promise to love me forever.... Then when he left me, I couldn’t find myself again. I was so broken. Now my work is to figure out who I am. I want to go back to who I was—I want to be that strong girl again.”

“You’ve always seemed strong to me,” he said.

“I was, back before Downy decided I was the anointed one. Then having him became more important to me than anything else. I didn’t realize it at all, not until he was gone and all I could feel was so empty and lost I couldn’t get out of bed. Did you know I spent a week in the hospital?”

“I think everyone knows that, Ash.”

“Do you know why?”

He tilted his head. “Depression?”

“Yeah. Depression and feeling like I didn’t want to live. It scared my mom so much, she called the counselor. And while I was in the hospital I met a girl who had the same issues and she tried to fix her boy problems with a razor blade.” She shook her head and shuddered. “You just can’t mess around with those kind of thoughts, Frank. I’m never losing myself like that again. I had wanted to go to the prom. But I’m not letting a fancy dress or a popular boyfriend be more important to me than living. For God’s sake!”

He gave her a wan smile.

“Now why would you smile at that?”

He reached for her hand. “I guess because you know what you need now. You’re going to be all right.”

“I’m still struggling,” she said. “I felt so left out that I couldn’t celebrate the draft rumor with him. I would have encouraged him to stay in school, but still...”

“He’s such a f**king idiot,” Frank muttered.

“I don’t want you to hate your brother because of me,” she said.

“Look, Downy took good care of me when I couldn’t take care of myself. When I was skinny little kid who’d rather read than play soccer or sandlot ball. I’ll always owe him for that. I’m not going to feud with him over this, but I have my own opinions. He’s not my hero at the moment.”

“I still cry,” she whispered, as if it was a secret.

“Yeah? Me, too.”

Her eyes grew large with the question.

“I had a dog. The only thing in my family that was really mine. I lived in a house full of jocks and I was the runt. I couldn’t see to get out of bed without my glasses, but Dodger loved me. He died last fall. He was fourteen—long for a Golden, actually. He’s better off—he’d started dragging his hind quarters and I helped him outside to go to the bathroom. No life for a rabbit-chasing, happy, fun-loving dog. But if I think about him, I can still cry. I think loving someone and losing them can leave a hole in your heart. For a while, anyway.” He pulled her hand into his and rubbed his thumb over the back. “But scars are much tougher than virgin skin. Right?”

Another thing Ashley hadn’t thought about at all—the Downys’ dog had died. It never occurred to her that he was Frank’s dog. That Frank was grieving.

“You should get another dog,” she said.

“You should get a better boyfriend. One with an IQ higher than a turnip.”

“Not yet.” She laughed. “I think maybe some good came out of this mess.”

“Yeah?”

“Well, I feel closer to you. You’ve been so nice.”