The Host (The Host #1)(205)

Ian slid the red door aside, and I went straight to the mattress on the right. I balled up there, knotting my shaking hands in front of my hammering heart, trying to hide them behind my knees.

Ian curled around me, holding me close to his chest. This would have been fine—I knew that he would end up sprawled out in all directions when he was really asleep—except that he could feel my trembling.

“It’s going to be fine, Wanda. I know we’ll find a solution.”

“I truly love you, Ian.” It was the only way I could tell him goodbye. The only way he would accept. I knew he would remember later and understand. “With my whole soul, I love you.”

“I truly love you, too, my Wanderer.”

He nuzzled his face against mine until he found my lips, then he kissed me, slow and gentle, the flow of molten rock swelling languidly in the dark at the center of the earth, until my shaking slowed.

“Sleep, Wanda. Save it for tomorrow. It will keep for the night.”

I nodded, moving my face against his, and sighed.

Ian was tired, too. I didn’t have to wait long. I stared at the ceiling—the stars had moved above the cracks here. I could see three of them now, where before there had been only two. I watched them wink and pulse across the blackness of space. They did not call to me. I had no desire to join them.

One at a time, Ian’s arms fell away from me. He flopped onto his back, muttering in his sleep. I didn’t dare wait any longer; I wanted too badly to stay, to fall asleep with him and steal one more day.

I moved cautiously, but he was in no danger of waking. His breathing was heavy and even. He wouldn’t open his eyes till morning.

I brushed his smooth forehead with my lips, then rose and slid out the door.

It was not late, and the caves were not empty. I could hear voices bouncing around, strange echoes that might have been coming from anywhere. I didn’t see anyone until I was in the big cave. Geoffrey, Heath, and Lily were on their way back from the kitchen. I kept my eyes down, though I was very glad to see Lily. In the brief glimpse I allowed myself, I could see that she was at least standing upright, her shoulders straight. Lily was tough. Like Mel. She’d make it, too.

I hurried to the southern corridor, relieved when I was safe in the blackness there. Relieved and horrified. It was really over now.

I’m so afraid, I whimpered.

Before Mel could respond, a heavy hand dropped on my shoulder from the darkness.

“Going somewhere?”

CHAPTER 58

Finished

I was so tightly wound that I shrieked in terror; I was so terrified that my shriek was only a breathless little squeal.

“Sorry!” Jared’s arm went around my shoulders, comforting. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“What are you doing here?” I demanded, still breathless.

“Following you. I’ve been following you all night.”

“Well, stop it now.”

There was a hesitation in the dark, and his arm didn’t move. I shrugged out from under it, but he caught my wrist. His grip was firm; I wouldn’t be able to shake free easily.

“You’re going to see Doc?” he asked, and there was no confusion in the question. It was obvious that he wasn’t talking about a social visit.

“Of course I am.” I hissed the words so that he wouldn’t hear the panic in my voice. “What else can I do after today? It’s not going to get any better. And this isn’t Jeb’s decision to make.”

“I know. I’m on your side.”

It made me angry that these words still had the power to hurt me, to bring tears stinging into my eyes. I tried to hold on to the thought of Ian—he was the anchor, as Kyle somehow had been for Sunny—but it was hard with Jared’s hand touching me, with the smell of him in my nose. Like trying to make out the song of one violin when the entire percussion section was bashing away…

“Then let me go, Jared. Go away. I want to be alone.” The words came out fierce and fast and hard. It was easy to hear that they weren’t lies.

“I should come with you.”

“You’ll have Melanie back soon enough,” I snapped. “I’m only asking for a few minutes, Jared. Give me that much.”

Another pause; his hand didn’t loosen.

“Wanda, I would come to be with you.”

The tears spilled over. I was grateful for the darkness.

“It wouldn’t feel that way,” I whispered. “So there’s no point.”

Of course Jared could not be allowed to be there. Only Doc could be trusted. Only he had promised me. And I wasn’t leaving this planet. I wasn’t going to go live as a Dolphin or a Flower, always grieving for the loves I’d left behind me, all dead by the time I opened my eyes again—if I even had eyes. This was my planet, and they wouldn’t make me leave. I would stay in the dirt, in the dark grotto with my friends. A human grave for the human I had become.

“But Wanda, I… There’s so much that I need to say to you.”

“I don’t want your gratitude, Jared. Trust me on that.”

“What do you want?” he whispered, his voice strained and choked. “I would give you anything.”

“Take care of my family. Don’t let the others kill them.”