The Host (The Host #1)(181)

I wondered how many human lives I would save. How many souls’ lives I might save. The only one I couldn’t save now was myself.

I sighed heavily. Even over the sound of our exerted breathing, Jared heard that. In my peripheral vision, I saw his face turn, felt his eyes boring into me, but I did not look over to meet his gaze. I stared at the ground.

We got to the jeep’s hiding place before the sun had climbed over the eastern peaks, though the sky was already light blue. We ducked into the shallow cave just as the first rays painted the desert sand gold.

Jared grabbed two bottles of water out of the backseat, tossed one to me, and then lounged against the wall. He gulped down half a bottle and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand before he spoke.

“I could tell you were in a hurry to get out of there, but we need to wait until dark if you’re planning a smash and grab.”

I swallowed my mouthful of water. “That’s fine. I’m sure they’ll wait for us now.”

His eyes searched my face.

“I saw your Seeker,” he told me, watching my reaction. “She’s… energetic.”

I nodded. “And vocal.”

He smiled and rolled his eyes. “She doesn’t seem to enjoy the accommodations we provided.”

My gaze dropped to the floor. “Could be worse,” I mumbled. The strangely jealous hurt I’d been feeling leaked, uninvited, into my voice.

“That’s true,” he agreed, his voice subdued.

“Why are they so kind to her?” I whispered. “She killed Wes.”

“Well, that’s your fault.”

I stared up at him, surprised to see the slight curve of his mouth; he was teasing me.

“Mine?”

His small smile wavered. “They didn’t want to feel like monsters. Not again. They’re trying to make up for before, only a little too late—and with the wrong soul. I didn’t realize that would… hurt your feelings. I would have thought you’d like it better that way.”

“I do.” I didn’t want them to hurt anyone. “It’s always better to be kind. I just…” I took a deep breath. “I’m glad I know why.”

Their kindess was for me, not for her. My shoulders felt lighter.

“It’s not a good feeling—knowing that you profoundly deserve the title of monster. It’s better to be kind than to feel guilty.” He smiled again and then yawned. That made me yawn.

“Long night,” he commented. “And we’ve got another one coming. We should sleep.”

I was glad for his suggestion. I knew he had many questions about exactly what this raid meant. I also knew he would have already put several things together. And I didn’t want to discuss any of it.

I stretched out on the smooth patch of sand beside the jeep. To my shock, Jared came to lie beside me, right beside me. He curled around the curve of my back.

“Here,” he said, and he reached around to slide his fingers under my face. He pulled my head up from the ground and then moved his arm under it, making a pillow for me. He let his other arm drape over my waist.

It took a few seconds before I was able to respond. “Thanks.”

He yawned. I felt his breath warm the back of my neck. “Get some rest, Wanda.”

Holding me in what could only be considered an embrace, Jared fell asleep quickly, as he had always been able to do. I tried to relax with his arm warm around me, but it took a long time.

This embrace made me wonder how much he had already guessed.

My weary thoughts tangled and twisted. Jared was right—it had been a very long night. Though not half long enough. The rest of my days and nights were going to fly by as if they were only minutes.

The next thing I knew, Jared was shaking me awake. The light in the little cavern was dim and orangey. Sunset.

Jared pulled me to my feet and handed me a hiker’s meal bar—this was the kind of rations they kept with the jeep. We ate, and drank the rest of our water, in silence. Jared’s face was serious and focused.

“Still in a hurry?” he asked as we climbed into the jeep.

No. I wanted the time to stretch out forever.

“Yes.” What was the point in putting it off? The Seeker and her body would die if we waited too long, and I would still have to make the same choice.

“We’ll hit Phoenix, then. It’s logical that they wouldn’t notice this kind of raid. It doesn’t make sense for humans to take your cold-storage tanks. What possible use could we have for them?”

The question didn’t sound at all rhetorical, and I could feel him looking at me again. But I stared ahead at the rocks and said nothing.

It had been dark for a while by the time we traded vehicles and got to the freeway. Jared waited a few careful minutes with the inconspicuous sedan’s lights off. I counted ten cars passing by. Then there was a long darkness between the headlights, and Jared pulled onto the road.

The trip to Phoenix was very short, though Jared kept the speed scrupulously below the limit. Time was speeding up, as if the Earth were spinning faster.

We settled into the steady-moving traffic, flowing with it along the highway that circled the flat, sprawling city. I saw the hospital from the road. We followed another car up the exit ramp, moving evenly, without hurry.

Jared turned into the main parking lot.