The Host (The Host #1)(149)

Nothing.

“No, Ian. Really kiss me. Like… like you’re trying to get slapped. Do you understand?”

“No. What’s wrong? Tell me first.”

I put my arms around his neck. It felt strange; I wasn’t at all sure how to do this right. I pushed up on my toes and pulled his head down at the same time until I could reach his lips with mine.

This wouldn’t have worked with another species. Another mind wouldn’t have been so easily overwhelmed by its body. Other species had their priorities in better order. But Ian was human, and his body responded.

I shoved my mouth against his, gripping his neck tighter with my arms when his first reaction was to hold me away. Remembering how his mouth had moved with mine before, I tried to mimic that movement now. His lips opened with mine, and I felt an odd thrill of triumph at my success. I caught his lower lip between my teeth and heard a low, wild sound break from his throat in surprise.

And then I didn’t have to try anymore. One of Ian’s hands trapped my face, while the other clamped around the small of my back, holding me so close that it was hard to pull a breath into my constricted chest. I was gasping, but so was he. His breath mingled with mine. I felt the stone wall touch my back, press against it. He used it to bind me even closer. There was no part of me that wasn’t fused to part of him.

It was just the two of us, so close that we hardly counted as two.

Just us.

No one else.

Alone.

Ian felt it when I gave up. He must have been waiting for this—not as entirely ruled by his body as I’d imagined. He eased back as soon as my arms went limp, but kept his face next to mine, the tip of his nose touching the tip of mine.

I dropped my arms, and he took a deep breath. Slowly, he loosened both his hands and then placed them lightly on my shoulders.

“Explain,” he said.

“She’s not here,” I whispered, still breathing in gasps. “I can’t find her. Not even now.”

“Melanie?”

“I can’t hear her! Ian, how can I go back in to Jamie? He’ll know that I’m lying! How can I tell him that I’ve lost his sister now? Ian, he’s sick! I can’t tell him that! I’ll upset him, make it harder for him to get well. I —”

Ian’s fingers pressed against my lips. “Shh, shh. Okay. Let’s think about this. When was the last time you heard her?”

“Oh, Ian! It was right after I saw… in the hospital. And she tried to defend them… and I screamed at her… and I—I made her go away! And I haven’t heard her since. I can’t find her!”

“Shh,” he said again. “Calmly. Okay. Now, what do you really want? I know you don’t want to upset Jamie, but he’s going to be fine regardless. So, consider—would it be better, just for you, if —”

“No! I can’t erase Melanie! I can’t. That would be wrong! That would make me a monster, too!”

“Okay, okay! Okay. Shh. So we have to find her?”

I nodded urgently.

He took another deep breath. “Then you need to… really be overwhelmed, don’t you?”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

I was afraid I did, though.

Kissing Ian was one thing—even a pleasant thing, maybe, if I wasn’t so racked with worry—but anything more… elaborate… Could I? Mel would be furious if I used her body that way. Was that what I had to do to find her? But what about Ian? It was so grossly unfair to him.

“I’ll be right back,” Ian promised. “Stay here.”

He pressed me against the wall for emphasis and then ducked back out into the hallway.

It was hard to obey. I wanted to follow him, to see what he was doing and where he was going. We had to talk about this; I had to think it through. But I had no time. Jamie was waiting for me, with questions that I couldn’t answer with lies. No, he wasn’t waiting for me; he was waiting for Melanie. How could I have done this? What if she was really gone?

Mel, Mel, Mel, come back! Melanie, Jamie needs you. Not me—he needs you. He’s sick, Mel. Mel, can you hear that? Jamie is sick!

I was talking to myself. No one heard.

My hands were trembling with fear and stress. I wouldn’t be able to wait here much longer. I felt like the anxiety was going to make me swell until I popped.

Finally, I heard footsteps. And voices. Ian wasn’t alone. Confusion swept through me.

“Just think of it as… an experiment,” Ian was saying.

“Are you crazy?” Jared answered. “Is this some sick joke?”

My stomach dropped through the floor.

Overwhelmed. That’s what he’d meant.

Blood burned in my face, hot as Jamie’s fever. What was Ian doing to me? I wanted to run, to hide somewhere better than my last hiding place, somewhere I could never, ever be found, no matter how many flashlights they used. But my legs were shaking, and I couldn’t move.

Ian and Jared came into view in the room where the tunnels met. Ian’s face was expressionless; he had one hand on Jared’s shoulder and was guiding him, almost pushing him forward. Jared was staring at Ian with anger and doubt.

“Through here,” Ian encouraged, forcing Jared toward me. I flattened my back against the rock.

Jared saw me, saw my mortified expression, and stopped.