The Host (The Host #1)(129)

“I can see that.” He touched my battered face with one fingertip. “Sorry.”

“No. Anyone would do the same. I know what you must have felt.”

“You wouldn’t —”

“If I were human, I would. Besides, I wasn’t thinking of that.… I was remembering the Seeker.”

He stiffened.

I smiled again, and he relaxed a little. “Mel wanted me to throttle her. She really hates that Seeker. And I can’t… find it in myself to blame her.”

“She’s still searching for you. Looks like she had to return the helicopter, at least.”

I closed my eyes, clenched my fists, and concentrated on breathing for several seconds.

“I didn’t used to be afraid of her,” I whispered. “I don’t know why she scares me so much now. Where is she?”

“Don’t worry. She was just up and down the highway yesterday. She won’t find you.”

I nodded, willing myself to believe.

“Can you… can you hear Mel now?” he murmured.

I kept my eyes closed. “I’m… aware of her. She’s listening very hard.”

“What’s she thinking?” His voice was just a whisper.

Here’s your chance, I told her. What do you want to tell him?

She was cautious, for once. The invitation unsettled her. Why? Why does he believe you now?

I opened my eyes and found him staring at my face, holding his breath.

“She wants to know what happened to make you… different now. Why do you believe us?”

He thought for a moment. “An… accumulation of things. You were so… kind to Walter. I’ve never seen anyone but Doc be that compassionate. And you saved Kyle’s life, where most of us would have let him fall just to protect ourselves, intended murder aside. And then you’re such an appalling liar.” He laughed once. “I kept trying to see these things as evidence of some grand plot. Maybe I’ll wake up tomorrow and feel that way again.”

Mel and I flinched.

“But when they started attacking you today… well, I snapped. I could see in them everything that shouldn’t have been in me. I realized I already did believe, and that I was just being obstinate. Cruel. I think I’ve believed since… well, a little bit since that first night when you put yourself in front of me to save me from Kyle.” He laughed as if he didn’t think Kyle was dangerous. “But I’m better at lying than you are. I can even lie to myself.”

“She hopes you won’t change your mind. She’s afraid you will.”

He closed his eyes. “Mel.”

My heart thudded faster in my chest. It was her joy that sped it, not mine. He must have guessed how I loved him. After his questions about Jamie, he must have seen that.

“Tell her… that won’t happen.”

“She hears you.”

“How… straightforward is the connection?”

“She hears what I hear, sees what I see.”

“Feels what you feel?”

“Yes.”

His nose wrinkled. He touched my face again, softly, a caress. “You don’t know how sorry I am.”

My skin felt hotter where he had touched it; it was a good heat, but his words burned hotter than his touch. Of course he was sorrier for hurting her. Of course. That shouldn’t bother me.

“C’mon, Jared! Let’s go!”

We looked up. Kyle was calling to Jared. He seemed utterly at ease, as if he had not been on trial for his life today. Maybe he’d known it would go his way. Maybe he was quick to get over anything. He didn’t seem to notice me there beside Jared.

I realized, for the first time, that others had.

Jamie was watching us with a satisfied smile. This probably looked like a good thing to him. Was it?

What do you mean?

What does he see when he looks at us? His family, put back together?

Isn’t it? Sort of?

With the one unwelcome addition.

But better than it was yesterday.

I guess…

I know, she admitted. I’m glad Jared knows I’m here… but I still don’t like him touching you.

And I like it too much. My face tingled where Jared’s fingers had brushed it. Sorry about that.

I don’t blame you. Or, at least, I know I shouldn’t.

Thanks.

Jamie wasn’t the only one watching.

Jeb was curious, that little smile gathering up the corners of his beard.

Sharon and Maggie watched with fire in their eyes. Their expressions were so much the same that the youthful skin and bright hair did nothing to make Sharon look younger than her grizzled mother.

Ian was worried. His eyes were tight, and he seemed on the verge of coming to protect me again. To make sure Jared wasn’t upsetting me. I smiled, to reassure him. He didn’t smile back, but he took a deep breath.

I don’t think that’s why he’s worried, Mel said.

“Are you listening to her now?” Jared was on his feet but still watching my face.

His question distracted me before I could ask her what she meant. “Yes.”

“What’s she saying?”

“We’re noticing what the others think of your… change of heart.” I nodded toward Melanie’s aunt and cousin. They turned their backs on me in synchronization.