The Host (The Host #1)(113)

“I’m here, I’m here,” I murmured as he cried out his wife’s name. “Shh, it’s okay.” The words were meaningless. It was something to say, though, and it did seem that my voice calmed the worst of his cries.

I don’t know how long Jared watched me with Walter before I realized he was there. It must have been a while. I was sure his first reaction would be anger, but when I heard him speak, his voice was cool.

“Doc,” he said, and I heard the cot behind me shake. “Doc, wake up.”

I jerked my hand free, whirling, disoriented, to see the face that went with the unmistakable voice.

His eyes were on me as he shook the sleeping man’s shoulder. They were impossible to read in the dim light. His face had no expression at all.

Melanie jolted into awareness. She pored over his features, trying to read the thoughts behind the mask.

“Gladdie! Don’t leave! Don’t!” Walter’s screech had Doc bolting upright, nearly capsizing his cot.

I spun back to Walter, shoving my sore hand into his searching fingers.

“Shhh, shhh! Walter, I’m here. I won’t leave. I won’t, I promise.”

He quieted down, whimpering like a small child. I wiped the damp cloth over his forehead; his sob hitched and turned into a sigh.

“What’s that about?” Jared murmured behind me.

“She’s the best painkiller I’ve been able to find,” Doc said wearily.

“Well, I’ve found you something better than a tame Seeker.”

My stomach knotted, and Melanie hissed in my head. So stupidly, blindly stubborn! she growled. He wouldn’t believe you if you told him the sun sets in the west.

But Doc was beyond caring about the slight to me. “You found something!”

“Morphine—there’s not much. I would have gotten here sooner if the Seeker hadn’t pinned me down out there.”

Doc was instantly in action. I heard him rustling through something papery, and he crowed in delight. “Jared, you’re the miracle man!”

“Doc, just a sec…”

But Doc was at my side already, his haggard face alight with anticipation. His hands were busy with a small syringe. He stuck the tiny needle into the crease at Walter’s elbow, on the arm that was attached to me. I turned my face away. It seemed so horribly invasive to stab something through his skin.

I couldn’t argue with the results, though. Within half a minute, Walter’s entire body relaxed, melting into a pile of loose flesh against the thin mattress. His breathing went from harsh and urgent to whispery and even. His hand relaxed, freeing mine.

I massaged my left hand with my right, trying to bring the blood back to my fingertips. Little prickles followed the flow of blood under my skin.

“Uh, Doc, there really isn’t enough for that,” Jared murmured.

I looked up from Walter’s face, peaceful at last. Jared had his back to me, but I could see the surprise in Doc’s expression.

“Enough for what? I’m not going to save this for a rainy day, Jared. I’m sure we’ll wish we had it again, and too soon, but I’m not going to let Walter scream in agony while I have a way to help him!”

“That’s not what I meant,” Jared said. He spoke the way he did when he’d already thought about something long and hard. Slow and even, like Walter’s breath.

Doc frowned, confused.

“There’s enough to stop the pain for maybe three or four days, that’s all,” Jared said. “If you give it to him in doses.”

I didn’t understand what Jared was saying, but Doc did.

“Ah,” he sighed. He turned to look at Walter again, and I saw a rim of fresh tears start to pool above his lower lids. He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out.

I wanted to know what they were talking about, but Jared’s presence made me silent, brought back the reserve I rarely felt the need for anymore.

“You can’t save him. You can only save him pain, Doc.”

“I know,” Doc said. His voice broke, like he was holding back a sob. “You’re right.”

What’s going on? I asked. As long as Melanie was going to be around, I might as well make use of her.

They’re going to kill Walter, she told me matter-of-factly. There’s enough morphine to give him an overdose.

My gasp sounded loud in the quiet room, but it was really just a breath. I didn’t look up to see how the two healthy men would react. My own tears pooled as I leaned over Walter’s pillow.

No, I thought, no. Not yet. No.

You’d rather he died screaming?

I just… I can’t stand the… finality. It’s so absolute. I’ll never see my friend again.

How many of your other friends have you gone back to visit, Wanderer?

I’ve never had friends like this before.

My friends on other planets were all blurred together in my head; the souls were so similar, almost interchangeable in some ways. Walter was distinctly himself. When he was gone, there would be no one who could fill his place.

I cradled Walter’s head in my arms and let my tears fall onto his skin. I tried to stifle my crying, but it made its way out regardless, a keening rather than sobs.

I know. Another first, Melanie whispered, and there was compassion in her tone. Compassion for me—that was a first, too.