The Heiress Effect (Brothers Sinister #2)(42)
“You think that all you’ll have to do to go to Cambridge is learn a little Greek?”
She stared up at him, her eyes clear and defiant.
“Do you have any idea what you’re taking on? When I went to Cambridge, I was barraged with an unceasing deluge of insult, both subtle and overt. I couldn’t go a day without someone telling me that I didn’t belong. You’ll have every one of my disadvantages—except I had my brother and Sebastian. You’ll be alone. And you’re a woman, Free; everyone will be against you. They’ll want you to fail twice as much as they wanted me to—first because you’re a nobody, and second because you’re a woman.”
She shook her head. “Then I’ll have to succeed three times as hard as they want me to fail. You, of all people, should understand that.”
“I love you,” he said. “That’s all this is. I love you, and I don’t want you to suffer. And…for me, Cambridge was the beginning. It was a handful of classes and exams and professors and papers, and afterward, the camaraderie of having attended school with a group of friends. And enemies.” He looked over at her.
She raised her chin defiantly.
“It won’t be like that for you. Going to Cambridge will not be a thing you do, followed by another thing and another thing. Going to Cambridge will define who you are forever after. For the rest of your life, you’ll be The Girl Who Went to Cambridge.”
“Someone will have to be The Girl Who Went,” she said. “Why shouldn’t it be me? And don’t worry; I have no intention that getting a college degree will be the last of the dreadful things I do. I’d rather be the Girl Who Did instead of the Girl Who Didn’t.” She sniffed and looked away. “And I never thought you would talk me out of it, Oliver. Of all the people who I imagined would wish me to fail—”
“I don’t wish you to fail,” he said tersely. “If you are going to Cambridge, I wish you to succeed. I wish you to succeed against all odds. I only wish they didn’t have to be arrayed against you.”
“Then don’t be one of my barriers.” She spoke quietly. “You said you would help me learn Greek, Oliver. Everything else, I’m managing as best I can on my own. But Greek…”
“I’m not very good at Greek. I can manage the basics, but that’s all. If you want to succeed against all odds, you’ll need the best help you can get.” He waited a moment longer. “Mama and Papa have their rules about taking the duke’s money, but…it really is mine, you know. Shall I hire you a tutor?”
She swallowed. “Is that what you think I need? I’d be more comfortable with you.”
“I’m not just saying that to get out of the duty,” he said. “I don’t think you understand how awful my Greek is. If you’re going to do this, you’re going to have to learn to be uncomfortable.”
Slowly, she lowered herself down to sit on the ground. “What will Papa say?”
“I leave that to you to worry about.” He sat beside her and hooked his arm over her shoulder. They sat there like that for a long moment, not speaking. Oliver wasn’t sure what to say. He knew his sister too well to attempt to change her mind, but then…
He also knew what was waiting for her. That thing she yearned for right now with all her heart? The shine would come off it, he suspected, and the only way she’d make it through would be by gritting her teeth and bulling her way to the end. He wouldn’t wish his Cambridge years on anyone. Least of all someone he loved.
“I worry about you,” he finally said to Free. “I’m afraid that you’re going to break your heart, going up against the world.”
“No.” The wind caught her hair and sent it swirling behind her. “I’m going to break the world.”
She almost seemed not to have heard the words she’d said, so absently did she speak. As if it were a conclusion she had come to years ago, one she didn’t even need to examine any longer.
He watched her breathe in. The sun fell on her skin—she was going to freckle dreadfully—but she wouldn’t care. Her eyes were shut, and she turned to face the breeze as if the wind could take her to another place.
“Is that what happened to you?” she finally asked, without opening her eyes. “Cambridge broke your heart?”
He barely kept from startling. His eyes widened and he turned to her. But she hadn’t moved, and she didn’t say anything at all to him. She just sat there, her head thrown back, a little breeze catching a strand of her hair. Oliver wasn’t sure why his heart was racing. Why his fists were clenched as he stared straight ahead.
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Oliver finally said. “It’s just a school. That’s it; it’s just a school.”
Chapter Nine
The University of Cambridge had an extraordinary set of botanic gardens, carefully planted with exotic species brought back from around the world and arranged in order of Linnaean classification. No matter how strange the species were, however, they could not rival how oddly Jane felt.
She could feel the kiss that Mr. Marshall hadn’t given her still lingering on her lips three days after he’d declined to give it. It tingled, a sharp, sweet secret, that undelivered kiss, and she felt as if it painted every word that came out of her mouth with the fullness of its ungranted promise.