The Hawk (Highland Guard #2)(82)

She wanted to hold on to this moment forever.

Awash in the euphoria of the most amazing moment of her life, she was surprised when he suddenly rolled off her. Without the weight of him on top of her, without the fullness of him inside her, she suddenly felt cold. A prickle of unease wormed its way into her consciousness.

She expected him to take her into his arms and cradle her against his body the way he usually did, but instead he was lying on his back staring up at the ceiling, his magnificently honed chest rising and falling with the heaviness of his breathing.

She stole a surreptitious glance at him from under her lashes. His body was incredible. He looked even more powerful without his clothes.

Why wasn’t he saying anything? Though only a few seconds had passed, the silence seemed interminable.

Say something.

“I’m sorry.”

Her stomach dropped. Not that.

His face was like stone. He wouldn’t even look at her. “That should never have happened.”

The regret in his voice was like a knife in the chest. If she’d secretly hoped for some declaration, it had just become brutally clear that she was going to be very disappointed.

Her heart twisted. She was a fool. She’d gambled with her innocence and lost. All she’d succeeded in proving was that he lusted for her. Lust was not love. Maybe it was she who didn’t know the difference.

He was a man who loved a challenge—who thrived under competition—and now the challenge was gone.

My God, what had she done?

What the hell had he done?

The truth hit Erik square in the chest: he’d lost his head, broken his vow, and taken her virginity.

He’d never intended it to go that far. He’d been an arrogant fool, thinking he could play with fire and not get burned.

What was he going to do?

He couldn’t marry her. She was a nursemaid, for Christ’s sake. He had a responsibility to his clan as chieftain to marry someone who would increase the clan’s power and prestige. Besides, he was too young to tie himself down to one woman. He didn’t want to disappoint all those lasses.

It didn’t matter that he hadn’t thought of another lass since meeting Ellie. He was confident he would.

Though Edward Bruce’s reaction to Ellie had angered him, it wasn’t unexpected. Erik had always gravitated to beautiful, sensual women. Ellie was pretty enough, and he liked her—even if she was a wee bit uptight and bossy—but she wasn’t his usual type. His fierce attraction to her didn’t make any sense.

Realizing she hadn’t said anything, he glanced over at her. The look on her face cut him to the quick. Her chin trembled, her skin was pale, and her eyes were filled not with disappointment, but with disillusionment.

Ah, hell. He was acting like an arse. He’d been so consumed by his own guilt that he hadn’t thought about how difficult this must be for her.

For a man who was known for always saying the right thing, his words had come out all wrong at the time it mattered most. Instead of apologizing, he should have pulled her into his arms and reassured her—told her how amazing it had been and how beautiful she was. Just like he always did.

But he’d never been so overwhelmed by swiving someone. He’d never been rattled by unfamiliar emotions.

He reached for her, but she turned, grasping for her chemise. “You have nothing to apologize for,” she said matter-of-factly. “I knew what I was doing. I wanted this.” She pulled her chemise over her head and then managed a smile. “Thank you, it was quite nice.”

Nice? Erik frowned, taken aback. It wasn’t nice. Admittedly, she was new to this and all, but it had been pretty damn spectacular.

She handed him his clothes. “We should get back. I’m sure you have a lot to do before we leave.”

He couldn’t believe it. Wasn’t he the one who was supposed to have the urge to run?

He grabbed her arm. “It can wait. We need to talk about this.” He raked his fingers through his hair. He’d never been in this situation before and didn’t know what to say. “I took your innocence.”

She pulled away as if his words had burned her. “Please, you don’t need to say anything. I don’t want anything from you. Pleasure, nothing more, remember? What just happened doesn’t change anything. My innocence was mine to give, and I did so freely.”

Erik couldn’t believe it. She was letting him off the hook.

He knew he should be relieved. But he wasn’t feeling relieved at all. What he felt was damn annoyed.

He yanked his tunic over his head and jerked on his braies. She should at least have some expectation that he would marry her. Did she think he was completely without honor? She couldn’t believe he was the kind of man who would take a lass’s innocence without thought. She’d said she hadn’t believed the pirate talk—she’d thought him noble.

And what did she mean by “nice”? She might be inexperienced, but he wasn’t. He’d never felt anything like that in his life. It had been bloody well perfect.

She was clearly impatient to leave and had already slid back into the water. He jumped in after her and took her hand in his—with quite a bit of possessive anger—leading her back through the watery tunnel of rock.

Was she just going to give up without a fight? Return to her position as nursemaid and bottle up all that passion beneath a prim facade?