The Hawk (Highland Guard #2)(74)

Where was he? Hawk had said he would see her tonight, but instead he’d sent word that he would be eating at camp with his men and asked for Thomas to join him as soon as possible.

Ellie had seen the two men arguing earlier and feared that his absence had something to do with her. She bit her lip, suspecting that Thomas had seen her leaving the barn. What must he think? Her chest squeezed. Exactly what she deserved: that she was a wanton.

She gnawed her lip a little more anxiously, watching for any sign of that tall, muscular physique. But she couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong.

“Looking for someone?”

Ellie quickly closed the shutter and turned around to face an amused Meg. She shook her head. “I was just admiring the full moon.”

Meg gave her a smile, too kind to challenge her lie. “I wouldn’t worry. I’m sure he’s merely lost track of time. If Hawk told you he’d be here, he will. For all that devil-may-care bluster of his, he’s one of the most dependable people I know. You can count on him.”

It was odd but true. Ellie blushed. “It’s not like that.”

Meg smiled. “I think it’s exactly like that.” Her eyes twinkled. “It wasn’t so long ago that I was watching out the window for my Colin.” She sighed. “Ah, the first blush of love.”

Ellie startled. “I’m not in love,” she protested, forgetting the silly story Hawk had concocted. She knew Meg well enough now, however, to suspect that she’d never believed it anyway.

Ellie couldn’t be in love. Horror washed over her. The air suddenly felt heavy and smothering. She couldn’t be so foolish as to lose her heart to a man with whom there was no chance of a future. Who would only break her heart.

Meg acted as if she hadn’t spoken. She shook her head woefully. “I never thought I’d see the day Hawk had his wings clipped.”

Ellie’s heart stopped, then started again in a rapid flurry. “What do you mean?”

“He doesn’t know it yet, but that man is in love with you.”

Ellie’s heart was beating so hard it hurt. Meg was wrong; she had to be wrong. “Didn’t you just warn me that he loved women too much to ever give his heart to one?”

Meg shrugged as if her words no longer mattered. “I’ve seen Hawk with many women, and I’ve never seen him look at anyone the way he does you.”

Ellie’s mind was having a hard time controlling the almost desperate yearnings of her heart. Maybe it hadn’t all been her imagination. Could Meg be right?

Ellie forced herself to be rational. “It doesn’t matter. Even if it were true, he means to return me to my family as soon as we leave.”

Meg took her hand and gave it a squeeze. “Give him time, lass. Things are complicated right now, and Hawk isn’t the type of man to come to his feelings willingly. He might need a little pushing, but eventually he’ll get there.”

The maelstrom of emotion tossing inside her for the past few days threatened to unleash. Tears stung the back of her eyes and throat. Ellie gazed up into the kind eyes of the woman who’d become her friend. The urge to confide in someone was overpowering. “I don’t have time,” she whispered.

Meg’s brows knit together. “Are you married?”

Ellie shook her head. “Not yet. But I’m betrothed.”

A broad smile cleared the worry from Meg’s face. “Then there is still time. You’ll just have to push a little harder.”

Meg made it sound so simple, though it was anything but. Even if she were convinced of Hawk’s feelings—which she wasn’t—there was the betrothal contract to consider. How would her father react if she asked to break the contract? For a woman of her rank and position, personal feelings weren’t supposed to matter. She was expected to do her duty. As it hadn’t occurred to her to tell her father her feelings, she had no idea what his reaction would be.

There was also Ralph and King Edward’s reactions to consider. Though Ralph did not seem to have feelings for her, he could be angry. But given the circumstances of his first marriage, perhaps he’d understand. King Edward’s reaction was impossible to guess.

Her father cared for her, and something made her believe he would not force her into a marriage she did not want. But that didn’t mean he would welcome a pirate for a son-in-law.

She knew there was another alternative. She could always run away with him and risk her family disowning her. But to a girl who’d always tried to do the right thing, who believed in duty and responsibility, who loved her family with all her heart, it seemed almost unthinkable to contemplate. It was something Matty would do—not she. She wasn’t impetuous, she was serious and …

Boring. Doomed to live a life that she didn’t want—with a man she didn’t want.

“Does Hawk know about the betrothal?” Meg asked.

Ellie shook her head. “I don’t think it would matter to him. He’s made it clear that our … uh, relationship is temporary.”

Meg harrumphed. “There is a big difference between what men say and what they feel. You’ll never know how he’ll react unless you tell him.” Meg must have read the indecision on her face. “If you are sure that is what you want.”

Ellie wasn’t sure of anything. But if there was some chance that Meg could be right, she had to find out. And she didn’t have much time to do so.