The Hawk (Highland Guard #2)(112)

Her eyes darted like those of a hare caught in a trap. “You need to relax,” she said uneasily. “You’re being ridiculous. Let me go.”

Relax? Him? He was always relaxed, damn her. He leaned closer, as if he could force her to realize the magnitude of the danger she’d put herself in and experience a hint of what he was feeling. “No.”

He knew he shouldn’t be getting such a thrill out of this, but damn, it felt good to have her right where he wanted her. At his mercy. Bending to his will.

He should have known better.

She lifted her knee sharply, causing enough damage for him to fall back in pain, but not enough to put their future progeny in jeopardy.

When he was able to unfold himself from the bent position and breathe again, he realized his unconscious slip. He drew back, stunned. Their progeny.

Something tightened in his chest as he stared at her in astonishment. It was so clear—so obvious—that he wondered how he could not have realized it before. A knee in the bollocks had forced him to acknowledge the truth that had been staring him in the face for a long time. He couldn’t picture anyone else but her as the mother of his children because he loved her.

He loved her.

Christ, what a blind fool he’d been! The tangle and intensity of emotions, the fierce attraction, the overwhelming urge to protect—to possess. The reason he couldn’t forget her. The reason that despite his anger he’d been drinking in the mere sight of her since she stepped through the flap of the tent. He’d wanted to marry her not because he thought he was doing her a favor, but because he loved her.

How could he have let this happen?

Better to ask how could it not have happened. They were a perfect complement for each other. She brought out his serious side and he made her laugh. They shared the same love of adventure. Ellie had been the first woman to ever care about what he thought. To dig beneath the jesting and the flirting to get to know him. It had probably been there from the first eye roll or the first time she gave him that decidedly unimpressed nursemaid look of hers. Or maybe it all came down to something as simple as Domnall’s profound observation: she didn’t take his shite.

Mistaking the source of his surprise, she said, “Don’t try to intimidate me with all those muscles. It won’t work. Do you honestly believe I think you’d hurt me?” She gave him a long look in the moonlit darkness. “Not that you don’t look the part of a dangerous ruffian.”

Still reeling from his discovery, Erik dragged his fingers through his unkempt hair. Did he look so horrible? “There hasn’t been much opportunity to shave of late.”

“I’m not saying I don’t like it,” she hastened to correct. Despite the darkness, he swore he could see her cheeks pinken. “Just that it makes you look more dangerous.”

He frowned, puzzled by the comment. She almost made it sound as if that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing.

“I’m sorry if I hurt you,” she said, biting her lip. “But you made me angry.”

“I know the feeling,” he said wryly. He raked his hair back with his fingers. “God, Ellie, when I saw you in that tent and thought of the danger you were in by being here, I got scared, I …” He shrugged. “I guess I lost my temper.”

She made a sharp harrumphing sound. “Yes, well, I would have rather not come out here like this myself. But there wasn’t anyone else. I did what I thought I had to do.”

Because she loved him. The knowledge that she’d put herself in danger for him humbled him.

She stared him in the eye, daring him to disagree.

“It’s not that I don’t appreciate what you’ve done,” he said. “God knows, you’ve saved many lives tonight and maybe even a crown, but I don’t want you anywhere near this.”

He could see her face fall in the semidarkness. “You have not forgiven me for what I did.”

“There is nothing to forgive. I was to blame for what happened.” She looked as if she didn’t believe him, and he explained. “I was angry at first that you didn’t tell me, but once my temper cooled, I realized you had every reason not to tell me. I’d given you no reason to trust me, nor had I asked for your trust. What happened in that cave … I wanted you so much, you could have told me you were the Queen of bloody England, and I wouldn’t have cared.”

She smiled wryly. “I hope it hasn’t caused too many problems with Robert. I couldn’t help but notice the tension between you two.”

“It’s nothing,” he dismissed.

“Of course it is.” She knew how much loyalty meant to him. “I should have told you. I did trust you, I just wanted to know …” Her voice ebbed off.

“Know what?”

She looked away, embarrassed. He didn’t think she was going to answer, but finally she said, “I wanted to know if you could care about me for myself. Not because of who I am or because you felt honor-bound to marry me.”

His chest squeezed, suddenly understanding. “That’s why you refused me.” Not because she didn’t love him, but because she wanted him to love her. That’s what she’d been offering him. That’s what he hadn’t seen. He’d offered for her out of honor and duty, but she’d wanted emotion and love.

“My mother loved my father with all her heart,” she said. “And trying for years and years to make him love her back ended up killing her. The fever took her life, but she’d been dead inside for many years before that.”