The Dead Zone(51)

'Sure,' he said. 'That would be fine, Sarah.' He hesitated, not wanting it to end so inconclusively, not wanting to hurt her or himself if it could be avoided. Wanting to say something honest.

'Sarah,' he said, 'you did the right thing.'

'Did I?' she asked. She smiled, and it trembled at the corners of her mouth. 'I wonder. It all seems so cruel and ... I can't help it, so wrong. I love my husband and my baby, and when Walt says that someday we're going to be living in the finest house in Bangor, I believe him. He says someday he's going to run for Bill Cohen's seat in the House, and I believe that, too. He says someday someone from Maine is going to be elected president, and I can almost believe that. And I come in here and look at your poor legs...' She was beginning to cry again now. 'They look like they went through a Mixmaster or something and you're so thin ...

'No, Sarah, don't.'

'You're so thin and it seems wrong and cruel and I hate it, I hate it, because it isn't right at all, none of it!'

'Sometimes nothing is right, I guess,' he said. 'Tough old world. Sometimes you just have to do what you can and try to live with it. You go and be happy, Sarah. Ann if you want to come and see me, come on and come. Bring a cribbage board.'

'I will,' she said. 'I'm sorry to cry. Not very cheery for you, huh?'

'It's all right,' he said, and smiled. 'You want to get off that cocaine, baby. Your nose'll fall off.'

She laughed a little. 'Same old Johnny,' she said. Suddenly she bent and kissed his mouth. '0h Johnny, be well soon.'

He looked at her thoughtfully as she drew away.

'Johnny?'

'You didn't leave it,' he said. 'No, you didn't leave it at all.'

'Leave what?' She was frowning in puzzlement.

'Your wedding ring. You didn't leave it in Montreal.'

He had put his hand up to his forehead and was rubbing the patch of skin over his right eye with his fingers. His arm cast a shadow and she saw with something very like superstitious fear that his face was half-light, half-dark. It made her think of the Halloween mask he had scared her with. She and Walt had honeymooned in Montreal, but how could Johnny know that? Unless maybe Herb had told him. Yes, that was almost certainly it. But only she and Walt knew that she had lost her wedding ring somewhere in the hotel room. No one else knew because he had bought her another ring before they flew home. She had been too embarrassed to tell anyone, even her mother.

'How...

Johnny frowned deeply, then smiled at her. His hand fell away from his forehead and clasped its mate in his lap.

'It wasn't sized right,' he said. 'You were packing, don't you remember, Sarah? He was out buying something and you were packing. He was out buying... buying... don't know. It's in the dead zone.'

Dead zone?

'He went out to a novelty shop and bought a whole bunch of silly stuff as souvenirs. Whoopee cushions and things like that. But Johnny, how could you know I lost my r...

'You were packing. The ring wasn't sized right, it was a lot too big. You were going to have it taken care of when you got back. But in the meantime, you.. ....... That puzzled frown began to return, then cleared immediately. He smiled at her. 'You stuffed it with toilet paper!'

There was no question about the fear now. It was coiling lazily in her stomach like cold water. Her hand crept up to her throat and she stared at him, nearly hypnotized. He's got the same look in his eyes, that same cold amused look that he had when he was beating the Wheel that night. What's happened to you, Johnny? What are you? The blue of his eyes had darkened to a near violet, and he seemed far away. She wanted to run. The room itself seemed to be darkening, as if he were somehow tearing the fabric of reality, pulling apart the links between past and present.

'It slipped off your finger,' he said. 'You were putting his shaving stuff into one of those side pockets and it just sllipped off. You didn't notice you'd lost it until later, and so you thought it was somewhere in the room.' He laughed, and it was a high, tinkling, tripping sound - not like Johnny's usual laugh at all - but cold ... cold. 'Boy, you two turned that room upside down. But you packed it. It's still in that suitcase pocket. All this time. You go up in the attic and look, Sarah. You'll see.'

In the corridor outside, someone dropped a water glass or something and cursed in surprise when it broke. Johnny glanced toward the sound, and his eyes cleared. He looked back, saw her frozen, wide-eyed face, and frowned with concern.

'What? Sarah, did I say something wrong?'

'How did you know?' she whispered. 'How could you know those things?'

'I don't know,' he said. 'Sarah, I'm sorry' if I...' 'Johnny, I ought to go, Denny's with the sitter.' 'All right. Sarah, I'm sorry I upset you.'

'How could you know about my ring, Johnny?' He could only shake his head.

7.

Halfway down the first-floor corridor, her stomach began to feel strange. She found the ladies' just in time. She hurried in, dosed the door of one of the stalls, and threw up violently. She flushed and then stood with her eyes closed, shivering, but also close to laughter. The last time she had seen Johnny she had thrown up, too. Rough justice? Brackets in time, like bookends? She put her hands over her mouth to stifle whatever might be trying to get out - laughter or maybe a scream. And in the darkness the world seemed to tilt irrationally, like a dish. Like a spinning Wheel of Fortune.