The Countess Conspiracy (Brothers Sinister #3)(21)
Sebastian ignored this dire warning and stepped inside. The entry was a mere pace or two wide, but there was enough room for him to shrug into a smock, find a pair of gloves, and check himself for insects. When he’d done so, he passed through the second door.
A set of wheeled shelves stood on either side. These were crammed with hundreds of miniature clay pots scarcely higher than his thumb. Each of them was marked; the ones nearest him read CD101, CD102.
Sawhorses elevated massive beds of soil waist-high. They stretched from where Sebastian stood down to the end of the greenhouse.
Violet stood at the far end before one of the beds. She wore a white gardening smock over her dark gown and dark gloves over her hands. Her hair was covered by a white cap.
She didn’t look up when Sebastian entered. He wasn’t even sure that she’d made note of him, although he hadn’t tried to be quiet.
They’d done this a thousand times—met in the greenhouse while Violet planted or made markers on orangewood sticks, explaining to him what she was doing and why. In order to play her, he’d had to understand every step she completed.
Today, she had one of her notebooks open in front of her. She was wielding a needle—a long, thin piece of metal, not so different from the knitting needles she carried in her bag—to transfer pollen from one flower to another. There was a grace to her movements—the quiet grace of a woman performing a task she enjoyed.
His throat tightened.
He’d been imagining this moment ever since he saw her in the park earlier. It had been weeks since they’d argued with each other in Cambridge. He’d missed her, missed her so much that he’d wanted to find her and apologize for everything, to just put all his uncomfortable emotions back where they had come from, ignoring them for another six months. It wouldn’t do any good, though; they’d only return.
He was used to feeling more than Violet did. He was resigned to it, in fact. Possibly even at peace with it. But he didn’t know what to do with a world where she felt nothing at all.
He’d missed her madly, and he wasn’t even sure that she had noticed he’d been gone. She hadn’t noticed his arrival, after all.
He came up behind her. He knew better than to interrupt her in the middle of her work, so he stood back and watched.
It would be odd to say that Violet was a mystery to him. He knew her better than he knew anyone. When she smiled, he usually knew the joke that had tickled her imagination. When she bit her lip, he knew what she wasn’t saying. And yet there were some things—so many things—that he couldn’t make sense of.
She reached to her side, picked up a little bag made of parchment paper, and slipped this over the head of the flower. She tied this all in place with a silk thread, picked up her pen, and made a notation in her book.
AX212: cross of BD114 with TR718.
She’d made ten thousand such notations over the years: crossing plants one with the other, transferring pollen by hand, noting parentage, covering the fertilized flowers with parchment bags so as to make sure that she gathered all resulting seed.
She folded her arms and stared off into the distance. Sebastian didn’t know what she was seeing or why her brows furrowed the way they did. He didn’t even know if she was aware of his presence. Sometimes, she wasn’t.
Finally she spoke. “My sister thinks I’m difficult.”
He took a step forward to stand next to her, letting his hands trail in the soil. It was loose and friable, a perfect blend of black dirt and decaying woodchips, slightly moist against his fingers. It smelled of earth and humus.
“Your sister is right,” he finally said.
“I’m not difficult,” Violet said. “I’m simple. I like good books and clever conversation and being left alone much of the time.” She took the needle she’d used and set it in a bucket—one overflowing with a dozen other such needles. She unwrapped gauze from the next needle and bent over a new plant. “How does that make me difficult? I make sense. I don’t talk about my feelings, of course, but then, I don’t want to.” She shrugged. “So that’s reasonable.”
Sebastian smiled despite himself, a smile that felt bitter even to him. “God, no,” he said, looking up at the ceiling of the greenhouse. “Not feelings. Heaven forbid that you have anything so messy.”
Her face was bowed to the plant and her shoulders stilled. “I have feelings.” She spoke stiffly. “I just don’t talk about them. What’s the point? Talking never changes them.”
It was an oblique message, one he understood all too well.
Don’t ask what I want.
“I take it all back,” Sebastian said. “You’re not difficult.”
She huffed.
“Some people are like a blacksmith’s puzzle—intricate loops of iron fitted together in some convoluted manner. You can play and pry at them over and over, but if you don’t know their secret, you’ll never take them apart. Those people are difficult until you know their secret. Then they’re easy.”
Her nose wrinkled, and she turned to the flower next in line, carefully separating its petals. He wondered, offhand, if she realized how erotic the action was—Violet calmly fertilizing flowers, spreading their petals wide and sliding the pollenated needle in. The analogy made itself. She spent half her life in this clinical, insect-free structure, functioning as both birds and bees. As she leaned over, her hips shifted against her smock.