The Chief (Highland Guard #1)(100)

He looked thoughtful. “Perhaps.”

She tilted her head, studying him curiously. “Why is sharing your thoughts so difficult for you?”

He held her gaze. From his silence, it appeared he was waging some kind of internal debate. She was pleased when he answered her. “Because it is my duty as chief to keep my own counsel. I know only too well the harm that can come when I do not.”

“What happened?”

“I told you of the raid on Dunvegan that killed my parents?” She nodded. “My father was betrayed by a man he thought a friend—a kinsman. The Earl of Ross used information he’d tricked from my mother to order the attack that killed my parents and nearly destroyed my clan. Women, children—no one escaped the bloodletting. It was a slaughter.”

She covered her mouth with her hand, horrified. She hadn’t realized when he’d told her before. “You were there.”

He nodded, his eyes bleak. “Aye. Hidden in the chapel with my brother and sister. My father lived long enough to tell me what happened.” He paused. “My mother was not so fortunate by the time Ross’s men had finished with her.”

She gasped, tears springing to her eyes. “Oh my God, I’m so sorry.”

He shrugged. “It was a long time ago.”

But Christina was not fooled. He lived with the legacy of that day even today. It was why he kept himself detached. Alone. Her heart went out to him. To the little boy who’d seen his parents killed and his clan nearly destroyed, and was burdened with the weight of putting it all back together. “And afterward, you were left to pick up the pieces?”

He looked at her as if it should be obvious. “I was chief.”

“But you were only ten,” she said, appalled. It was far too much responsibility for any one person, let alone a child so young. He wouldn’t have stayed a child for long.

“I managed.”

She put her hand on his arm. “Quite well, it seems. Your clan is fortunate to have you.” He was an amazing man. She’d known it before, but hearing what he’d gone through made her even more proud of him. And determined. After the selfless devotion to his clan for years, he deserved some happiness for himself.

She sensed this was all she was going to get out of him for now. The fact that he’d opened up even just a little bit was quite an achievement—a miracle, really. Seeing him struggle and get all prickly, she was hard-pressed not to throw her arms around him—he looked so adorable. But the world was not made in a day, and neither would her husband change a lifetime of silence.

“I’m sorry, too,” she said. “I was so focused on you confiding in me, I never stopped to think about what I was really asking for. I wish you could confide in me, but I understand why you cannot.”

“I am trying to protect you, Christina, not hurt you.”

“I know that.”

“I don’t want you interfering because it is dangerous. I need you to trust me on this.” His eyes fixed on her intently. “Can you do that?”

She nodded, though she wished the trust were mutual.

He seemed to consider something. When he spoke it was very carefully, as if the words did not come easily. “I would like to suggest a compromise.”

Her eyes widened to exaggerated proportions. “Compromise? I didn’t think you knew that word.”

He gave her a sharp look. “It’s not one I’ve used very often, but for you I’m prepared to make an exception.”

He was teasing her. She couldn’t believe it. “I’m duly honored,” she said with an exaggerated bow of her head.

He flashed her a roguish grin, and it felt as if the sun had broken through the clouds. It changed his whole face, making him look years younger. “How old are you?” she blurted.

A puzzled look creased his brow. “One and thirty.” Ignoring her strange question, he went back to what he’d been about to say. He cleared his throat. “If you can agree to accept when I cannot tell you something, then I shall endeavor to be more …”

He seemed to be having considerable difficulty finding the right word.

“Forthcoming,” she offered, trying to bite back a smile.

One side of his mouth curved in a wry grin. “Aye, forthcoming.”

She grinned. “I should like that.” It was enough. For now. But she still hoped that eventually he would make her more a part of his life. After her experience with organizing the books, she knew he could use her.

He smoothed her hair back from her face, studying her for so long with those implacably clear ice-blue eyes that a self-conscious flush rose to her cheeks. “I must look a fright,” she said, lowering her gaze.

His eyes darkened with heat. “You look beautiful.”

The simply spoken words startled her with their sincerity. Warmth spread through her. She’d heard the words before, but never had they mattered. “You’ve never said so.”

He looked surprised. “Haven’t I? I’ve thought it hundreds of times.”

“My mind-reading skills aren’t what they used to be.”

He laughed, and Christina thought it was the most wonderful sound in the world. This was exactly the kind of moment she’d dreamed of. She wished she could hold on to it forever.

His laughter died, and their eyes met.