The Chance (Thunder Point #4)(55)

“What happens when you have closure?” he asked.

“I don’t know. I was kind of hoping for a mysterious calm. I do get the sense that one small edge that gnawed at me is defused. It’s like when the doctor is coming at you with a syringe with a big fat needle in it—and the needle is gone and it’s just a syringe. Harmless. And right this minute, I don’t feel scared, but that’s not just about this compound being disarmed. It’s about seeing it with you.”

“You never let on that anything about it bothered you. You’re the most controlled person I know.”

She laughed softly. “I’ve just about got that perfected, huh? I can look that way when I have to. It’s just a look.”

“You thinking about going back to work or something?” he wanted to know.

She shook her head. “I like this consulting work. I’m happy doing that. Poor bastards—if there’s anything sketchy to be found, I’m going to find it. Force of habit, I guess. And a really good nose.”

“You’re not heading home? To Virginia?”

She shook her head again. “You ready to be rid of me?”

He gave a short laugh. “I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. You keep me wondering, keep me surprised. You asked me for a date, you asked me for that first kiss, you wanted me to spend the first night, you wanted me to share closet space. One of these days you’re going to be ready for something more. Or maybe something different. Or ready to be finished with this, with us. I’m getting sore muscles from bracing myself.”

“I like my life,” she said. “I’ve gained five pounds, have you noticed that? As much as I run and work out, I still gained five pounds. Most of it on the ass, by the way. I think it’s from having so much time to cook and eat. But I think it also might be from just being wound down a few notches. I’m so relaxed.”

“You don’t miss the adrenaline?” he asked.

“I get an adrenaline rush when it’s time for you to come home from the station....”

He leaned closer and kissed her cheek. “I like that.”

“I’m getting that commendation from the FBI,” she said. “The one Senior said he refused to celebrate. I wanted to come here one more time, look at where it happened, close the door. I thought by now I might be itching to get back to it, on to the next case. Hopefully the biggest case yet. But instead I have the feeling I’ve gone as far as I need to go in the Bureau. I might be ready to move on to the next chapter in my life. It’s so funny that it would be in Oregon. In a little dinky town in Oregon, close to where I could have lost my life.”

“Can we leave?” he asked.

“Why? Does it give you the creeps? Thinking about it?”

He shook his head. “You like your life now. That includes me. That makes me want to be alone with you, make out with you for a while. But not here where that other life was. I want to be alone with you. No ghosts. No edge. No needle.”

She smiled at him. “You asking me to step away from that job I had? The one that gives you scary pictures in your head?”

“I think I convinced myself that if that’s what it took to keep you happy, I could shut off my brain. I know you can do anything. Anything. No matter how difficult or scary.”

She laughed. “My mother used to say that capable was my middle name. She said I would do what I set my mind to, no matter how hard it was, and impossible tasks would just take me a little longer.”

“Yeah, that’s you. The idea that you’re ready to try a new kind of adrenaline, a new kind of restless, I could live with that. And about the five pounds? I hadn’t noticed, but I like it.”

“You love me,” she said, grinning at him.

“I’m not making out with you here, in front of the cop, in the shadow of a place where you risked everything. Come with me now. Let me drive us home. Let me find an abandoned farm road and pull over and show you. Anyone can say it. I want to show it.”

“Will you go back to D.C. with me when I get my commendation?”

“If you want me to, I will. I’m proud of you. No, it’s bigger than that. I admire what you can do, what you’re willing to do. You amaze me. I have a feeling you always will.”

She stood up and pulled on his hand. “You have a way with words. I’m just a glutton for praise. Take me out of here.”

* * *

Laine was making a blackberry pie when her cell phone rang. She wiped off her hands, looked at it, saw it was her brother and answered cheerily. “Hey, Pax.”

“Got a minute?” he asked. His voice sounded grave.

“Sure. What’s up? How is everyone?”

“We’re all good—headed for the last weeks of school before summer.” And he ran through a litany of what was happening with each female in his world.

“And how’s Senior?” she asked.

“Not completely sure,” Pax said. “There’s some kind of drama with him that I really don’t get. I heard through the grapevine that a couple of weeks ago, he left the O.R. after a patient had been anesthetized and didn’t come back. He didn’t come back all day. He didn’t answer his cell phone for hours. When he finally did answer a call from the head nurse in O.R., he said he’d had the phone turned off—he was playing golf.”