The Best Man (Blue Heron #1)(46)

It was really time for that to change. She’d kept a few secrets of her own, even from him. And maybe those were just as important as his had been.

“I realize how wrong it was for me to lie to you, Faith,” Jeremy said, staring at the table. “I used you so I could be the person I wanted to be, not the person I was, if that makes any sense. I’m more sorry about that than anything.”

“I might’ve done some of that, too,” she admitted.

“But you never lied.”

“Maybe not.” Then again, maybe so.

He looked at her, his eyes solemn. “I have this fantasy,” he said. “That you forgive me. That we become really close again. All the feelings I had for you, Faith...I wasn’t faking that. I was crazy about you.” His voice broke a little. “I’ve missed you so much.”

Well, hell. She couldn’t just leave him there, hanging. Faith reached over to grip his strong, smooth hands, bittersweet memories sliding through her like a river. His face as he saw her dressed for the prom, the way he always leaned forward a little when she was talking, as if he was afraid he’d miss a single word. The way he brought flowers to the airport when she came home from college, hugging her so hard he’d lift her right off the ground, the inevitable “aw” of a few onlookers.

“Of course we can be friends, Jeremy,” she said. “Of course.”

Maybe this was what she needed to get on with her life. For three and a half years, she hadn’t been able to find a meaningful relationship. Maybe being here, being around Jeremy, was the final piece of the puzzle.

“You guys ready to order?” Jessica was back, and clearly no more conversation would be tolerated till their dinners had been chosen.

They ordered and ate, talking about ordinary things—Ted and Elaine spent most of the year in San Diego. Lyon’s Den was run by a manager and had been featured in the Times. Jeremy’s practice was bustling; he saw patients who were newborns, patients in their nineties, and, clearly, he was doing what he was meant to do. She brought him up-to-date on the Holland news, her plans for the barn and library.

The time had come to ask the awkward question. Faith realized her toes were curled in her slutty, painful shoes. “Are you seeing anyone?” Faith asked, and Jeremy’s face took on that hint of sadness again.

“No. I, uh...no. I had a, um, a friend in the city about a year ago, but not anymore. The long-distance thing was too hard.” He looked out the window. “I’m so busy, I don’t see how I’d find someone. Dating websites, maybe. I don’t know. I keep thinking someone will just show up one day. Maybe. Or maybe I’m destined to be single, which would be okay, too. I don’t mean to sound pathetic. I’m very happy.”

“You do sound pathetic,” Faith said. “You sound like Bob Cratchit after Tiny Tim dies. ‘I am a happy man.’”

He grinned. “How about you, Faith? Anyone special?”

“I’ve dated here and there,” she said. Still haven’t slept with a straight guy, though that is definitely something I’d like to cross off my bucket list.

“But nothing...serious?” Jeremy asked, and she could tell he was hoping she’d say yes.

She shook her head. “A good man is hard to find.” She hesitated, then told him about her last date, Clint and his kid calling her whore, and by the time she was done, they were both laughing so hard they were crying.

“It’s so good to be with you again,” Jeremy said, wiping his eyes.

“Right back at you,” she said, and her heart gave a twist. She did love Jeremy, and she always would. They could be friends. Real friends, honest this time around. Because men like Jeremy...they just didn’t make them like that anymore.

“Hey.”

Faith startled a little. Crap, it was Levi, like an irritable grammar school nun about to whack their hands with a ruler. He still wore his uniform, gun and all. He gave her a five on the Boredom Scale, his eyes glancing over her and dismissing her in a nanosecond.

“Levi! Have a seat, buddy,” Jeremy said, letting go of her hand. “Faith and I were just catching up.”

“So I see.” He paused. “Faith.”

“Levi.” She mimicked his solemn tone, but he didn’t seem to notice.

Jeremy beamed. “Sit down. You want something to eat?”

“Yeah, join us, Levi,” Faith said, narrowing her eyes just a little. He wouldn’t sit down. He disliked her too much.

He sat. Next to Jeremy of course, the better to level that God, you’re so uninteresting look at her, now a seven. Faith smiled at him, making sure to wrinkle her nose like a Disney princess. His look shot up to a nine and a half. Already, his fingers were drumming on the table, ever itchy where she was concerned. Good. Let him itch. Let him have an infestation of fleas, perhaps, or a festering, scabby rash.

“My grandmother baked some brownies for you, Levi,” she said sweetly, tipping her head and tucking some hair behind her ear. “Since you were so helpful with the flying squirrels.”

“He lives to serve,” Jeremy said, grinning. Levi gave Jeremy a wry look, which slid right off his face when he returned his gaze to Faith.

“Well, she’s a huge fan, Levi. If you ever wanted a girlfriend, I’m convinced she’d leave my grandfather for you.” Another sunny smile, which failed to illicit any reaction at all, though Jeremy laughed.