The Anatomical Shape of a Heart(66)

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about the anatomy lab,” I said after a time. “But we both know I can’t afford to go to college if I don’t get scholarship money and grants. As far as Dad goes, I’m not sorry I went to meet him. He’s still an *, if that makes you feel any better. And I don’t know if I want to see him again or not. But I’m not sorry about Jack. He’s going through something you can’t even imagine—”

“I don’t care,” Mom said, suddenly snapping out of her pain. “He’s a wanted felon, a troubled—”

“Please don’t say ‘Troubled Teen.’”

“Okay, smart-ass. But if you want to get into college so badly, think about this. You won’t be getting in anywhere if you have a police record.”

“I won’t—”

“That’s right, you won’t. You won’t be seeing him ever again. The only time you’re leaving this house is to go to work.”

“You can’t do that! I’m eighteen, not eight.”

“My house, my rules.”

“Fine. I’ll take my things right now and leave.”

“You even think about it, and I’ll go ring the Vincents’ doorbell and tell the mayor that his precious son has been vandalizing the city.”

“You wouldn’t dare.”

“Try me, Beatrix. I would and I will.”

How could she be so unbelievably cruel? “All that talk about wanting me to be happy, but when I finally am, you just couldn’t stand it, could you? You had to ruin my life, too, because if you aren’t happy, nobody is.” I stalked off toward my room and swung around for one last dig. “Maybe that’s why Dad left you in the first place.”

The X-ray doors shuddered when I slammed them closed. I fell onto my bed, sinking into misery and hopelessness, and buried my head beneath my pillow to shut out the sound of Mom’s crying.

27

I somehow managed to sleep until noon. When I woke, I stayed in bed and texted Jack to let him know I’d sent him an email about what was going on. He didn’t reply, but I figured he was probably asleep or dealing with his parents’ coming back from Sacramento. I listened for sounds of life outside my doors, and when I determined that the coast was clear, I made a beeline for the bathroom. When I got out of the shower and was combing my hair, a knock sounded on the door.

“Go away.”

“I’m so sorry,” Heath’s voice said through the wood.

“Me too,” I called back. “For trusting you.”

“Please, Bex. I want to know what happened with you and Dad.”

“You should’ve thought about that before you betrayed me. Go away.”

I turned on the shower again to make it sound like I was getting back inside, and he finally left. He didn’t make another appearance while I got ready for work, but Mom did. I saw her petite silhouette under the arch of the kitchen as I was headed out the front door. “I work from three to seven,” I said to her. “If you don’t believe me, you can call Ms. Lopez and verify my work schedule from now on.” And with that, I shut the door and left.

Much like my life, work was a disaster. I was preoccupied and a total klutz, and I nearly started crying when a twenty-something snot of a woman yelled at me for dropping her organic eggs. I think Ms. Lopez took pity on me or something, because she quietly told me I was overdue for my break (I wasn’t) and took over my register, sending me to the count-out room. Once there, I tried Jack’s breathing trick, but it didn’t help.

As if he knew I was thinking about him, my phone dinged with a Jack text, asking me to call him ASAP, so I did.

He answered right away with a breathless question: “Where are you?”

Relief rushed through me upon hearing his low voice. I wilted into a folding chair and answered, “At work, on a break.”

“Has your mom said anything to you today?”

“Not a word.”

“Think she’s serious about telling my folks?”

“If she catches me sneaking out to see you, yeah. She might do it. I’m so sorry, Jack. I didn’t mean to tell Heath.”

“Dammit, Bex. You were the only one who knew. I trusted you to keep it secret.”

He was angry with me? Worry tightened my chest and gummed up my throat. “It was after Jillian’s seizure, and I didn’t know if you were blowing me off, so I asked Heath for advice. He just guessed because I’m a terrible liar, and I never thought he’d betray me—”

“What’s done is done,” he said.

I covered my eyes with hands, as if he could see me through the phone. “I’m so sorry. You’ve got to believe me.”

“Look, I have to go. I’ll think of something.”

“Jack—”

He’d already hung up.

I dreaded going home after my shift. Mom wasn’t working, which made me anxious that she’d be waiting for me. Usually on days like these, she’d hold off eating dinner until I got back, and even if it was just salad or the Ultimate Sin (what she dubbed homemade guacamole and chips when we sometimes ate it as a meal), we’d watch something trashy on the DVR and eat together.

That wouldn’t be happening tonight, not after everything I’d said to her. But it wasn’t like I could just text and say I was going out. My sneaking-around days were over. So I kept my head down and strode into my room, quickening my pace when I heard movement in the kitchen. But before I could hunker down and wall myself away, her footsteps stopped outside my door.