Tempted by Her Innocent Kiss (Pregnancy & Passion #3)(54)

The trip to Greenwich, Connecticut, took longer than he’d like. The drive was silent and tense. They both seemed nervous and ill at ease. By the time he turned onto road that would wind around to the front of the sprawling home he wanted Ashley to see, they only had an hour of daylight left.

He pulled to the curb just before the bend in the private lane and shut the engine off. Beside him Ashley’s brow furrowed in obvious confusion.

He walked around to her side of the car and opened the door. He pulled her out, carefully arranged her scarf and cap so she’d be warm and then took her hand and tugged her onto the road.

Snow drifted in the ditches and spread out over the landscape, a pristine covering of sheer white. It reminded him of her. Magical, almost like a fairy tale.

He’d once told her that life wasn’t a fairy tale, but damn it, she was going to have one. Starting right now.

“It’s beautiful here,” she said breathlessly.

Enchantment filled her eyes as she stared out over the rolling hills. Her face had softened into a dreamy smile and he felt a stirring in his heart. This was how he wanted her to look every day. Happy. Sparkling. So damn beautiful she made him ache to his bones.

He pulled her up short just as they reached the sharp bend in the road. He kept hold of her hand and pulled her to face him, his heart pounding damn near out of his chest.

Their breaths came out in visible puffs. Snowflakes began to fall again, spiraling lazily down, some sticking in her hair, some melting and absorbed by the splash of sun in the barren white of winter.

“Ash.”

It came out as a croak and he cleared his throat, prepared to fight with everything he had to keep the woman he loved.

She cocked her head to the side and sent him an inquisitive glance.

“Yes, Devon?”

Her voice was sweet and clear in the silence that had settled over the area. Only the distant crack of a tree limb disturbed the calm.

He hated that he stood here, tongue-tied, unable to form a single damn word, his heart in knots. There was so much to say he simply didn’t know where to start. Finally his frustration got the better of him.

“Damn it, I love you. I’m standing here trying my best to come up with the words to everything I have to say and all I can think, all that weighs on my mind, is that I love you so damn much and I can’t live without you. Don’t make me live without you, Ash.”

Her expressive eyes widened in shock. Her mouth popped open and then snapped shut again. She shook her head wordlessly as if she had no idea what to say to his sudden declaration.

Then hurt entered her eyes, crushing him with the weight of her pain. Her gaze held the memory of all the terrible things he’d said and done. He couldn’t breathe for wanting to drop to his knees and beg her forgiveness.

“Then why?” she choked out. “If you love me, really love me, then why would you want me to change? You don’t love the real me, Dev. You love the image you have in your head of how the perfect wife should be. Well, I’ve got news for you. I’m not her. I’ll never be her.”

She was glorious in her anger. Her eyes came to life and sparked darts of fire. Color suffused her cheeks and her lips pinched together as she glared holes through him.

“Trying to change you was the biggest mistake I’ve ever made or will make in my life. God, Ash, when I think of how stupid I was I just want to punch something.”

He put his hands on her shoulders and stared intently into her eyes. “You are the most beautiful, precious thing that has ever barreled into my life. I didn’t see it because I didn’t want to see it. When your father suggested the marriage, I was pissed and I resented his interference.”

“That makes two of us,” Ashley muttered.

“But the thing was, I didn’t mind the idea of marrying you. Even when I told myself that I was angry, there was a part of me that didn’t at all mind the idea of marriage and settling down. Starting a family. With you.

“I was torn and I was an immature jerk acting out because I felt like marriage was being forced on me instead of when I was ready for it. Even though I didn’t mind the outcome, I was resentful on principle. Which is stupid. And then on our honeymoon night I was gutted when you found out because the last thing I ever wanted was to hurt you. I felt cornered. Here you were demanding to know how I felt and my feelings weren’t even something I could admit to myself. So I answered out of frustration and I said all that crap about how we could have a good marriage anyway because in my mind I wanted things to go on as they had before but without the vulnerability I felt every time the question of love popped up.”

He sighed and released her shoulders, stepping back for a moment as he stared off into the distance. “Your entire family baffles me, Ash. I don’t always know how to take them. I’m not used to having this big, huge loving family where dysfunction isn’t a way of life. Your dad was always calling me ‘son,’ and he wanted me to marry you, and all I could think was that I don’t fit here. I’m not good enough. I wasn’t worthy. And that made me angry because after I left home, I was determined never to feel inferior again.”

She was still staring at him like she had no idea what to say.

“You scared me, Ash. You barged into my life, turned it upside down with your take-no-prisoners attitude. You were the one thing I couldn’t control, couldn’t put in its proper place, and I tried. Oh, I tried. I was determined that you weren’t going to be a threat to me. I hated how rattled you made me feel and how I went soft every time you entered a room. I thought somehow if I covered you up that you wouldn’t shine quite so brightly and that maybe I could better control my reaction to you or at least I wouldn’t feel like my guts had been ripped out every time you smiled at me.”