Tempted by Her Innocent Kiss (Pregnancy & Passion #3)(48)

Dread consumed him. The realization, the true realization of just what he’d done threatened to completely unravel him. Oh, God. What had he done?

His legs buckled and would no longer sustain his weight. He staggered back onto the couch and slumped forward, burying his face in his hands.

She was right and so very wrong all at the same time. The realization was as clear to him as if someone had hit him over the head with it.

He’d destroyed something infinitely precious and he’d never forgive himself for it. He didn’t deserve forgiveness.

Dear God, was this what he’d done to her? She’d come into his office and delivered the news of her pregnancy in a dispassionate fashion, as if she were telling him that she had a dentist appointment or that she was buying new shoes.

Where she’d once jumped up and down and squealed her joy over her cousin’s pregnancy and vowed she’d do the same over her own pregnancy, she’d related the news with dead eyes and a broken spirit.

He’d done that to her. No one else. Him and his high-handed, arrogant opinions of how she should act or not act. He’d taken something beautiful and precious and had spit on it.

He’d suffocated a ray of sunshine and sucked every bit of joy and life from her.

Cam was right. Eric was right. Ashley was right. He didn’t deserve her. They’d seen clearly what he’d blithely ignored. In his arrogance, he’d assumed he was right and that he knew what was best for Ashley.

He had tried to change her. And she was bloody perfect just as she was. He hadn’t even realized how much he’d missed all the things he professed to be annoyed over. The random calls at work just to say she loved him. The sudden attacks of affection when she’d throw her arms around him. Her exuberance around others.

She hadn’t cleaned and organized their apartment because she felt like it. She’d eradicated every hint of her presence there because she’d thought that’s what he wanted. She’d tried to become this image of the perfect wife to please him. He himself had thought he wanted her to.

The cooking. The endless trying to kill herself to please him. She’d gone from a vibrant breath of fresh air to a subdued, beaten-down shadow of her former self.

She no longer sparkled. All because he was the biggest ass on the face of the planet.

His pulse ratcheted up and the sick feeling inside him grew as he realized just how long it had been since she’d said she loved him. Since she’d demonstrated any outward affection for him. Since she’d simply smiled and seemed happy.

Tears burned his eyelids. He’d taken something so very beautiful and he’d crushed it. He’d rejected her love. The very gift of herself. He’d arrogantly told her in essence that she wasn’t good enough for him. That he knew better. That she wasn’t worthy of him.

A low moan escaped him. Not good enough for him? He wasn’t good enough to lick her boots.

In clear and startling detail, he realized what perhaps he’d fought from the very first moment he laid eyes on Ashley. He loved her. Not the new, subdued Ashley. He loved the impulsive, passionate, sparkly Ashley. And the very thing he loved the most was what he’d tried to kill.

Rafe and Ryan had nothing on him when it came to being complete and utter bastards to the women who loved them. Devon had surpassed any amount of sin a man committed against someone they claimed to care for.

How could he possibly expect Ashley to forgive him when he’d never be able to forgive himself?

She was pregnant with his child and she was leaving him.

He didn’t deserve her. He should let her walk away and find someone who adored her beyond reason and would never ever treat her as he had.

But he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t be that selfless. He adored her beyond reason and if it took the rest of his damn life, he would make it up to her for every wrong he’d done to her.

But first he had to make damn sure she didn’t walk out of his life forever.

Nineteen

Ashley tugged the coat tighter around her as she stepped from the cab in front of her parents’ apartment building. She had no desire to face them today but she needed to get it over with and she wanted the comfort only her mother could provide.

Devon had already called her cell a dozen times until finally she’d shut it off so it would stop ringing. She’d expected resistance. She was fortunate that she’d caught him off guard enough that she’d been able to get out of his office without much fuss.

But now he would want to talk to her. No doubt he’d give her another lecture about being impulsive and reckless and whatever other adjectives he’d want to assign to her. Then he’d inform her that there was no reason they couldn’t have an enjoyable marriage, blah blah blah.

She wanted more than some damn enjoyable marriage. She wanted…awesome. She wanted a man who loved her and celebrated her for who she was. Maybe she’d never have it. But she damn sure wasn’t going to settle for someone her father had bribed to marry her.

Which was another reason she’d come to her parents’ apartment. Because first she was going to tell her father to stop interfering in her life. Then she wanted a hug from her mother.

She walked into the apartment and took off her coat. “Mom?” she called. “Daddy?”

Gloria Copeland hurried out of the kitchen and smiled her welcome. “Hi, darling. What brings you over today? I wish you’d called. I would have made sure I had tea ready.”