Temptation Ridge (Virgin River #6)(98)

“Come on,” Vanni said. “You can’t pretend. Something happened between you and Luke.”

“Nothing. Really, nothing.”

Vanni turned her around. “Something,” she insisted. “Did you have a fight?”

“No, nothing like that. It’s just that…” Her voice trailed away.

“What, honey? What happened?”

Shelby’s eyes welled anew and she shrugged. “Oh, well. I miss him.”

“It’s a couple of days, honey. That’s all…”

“I know.” She sniffed. “It would have meant the world to me if he’d called to wish me a merry Christmas. But I haven’t heard a word out of him. He loves me like I mean everything to him, but he never says the words. I don’t know why. Why, Vanni?”

Vanni ran a gentle finger along her cheek, wiping off a tear. “Baby, I don’t know Luke like you do.”

“It’s almost as though he tries to keep this distance between us…”

“You said you wouldn’t cry.”

“No, I didn’t. I said if he made me cry, I’d get over it. I still don’t have any regrets.”

“It hurts, huh?”

She took a deep breath. “I guess I’m as naive as everyone thought. I fell in love with him. I didn’t mean to.”

“Aw, baby,” Vanni said, pulling her into her arms.

Shelby put her head on Vanni’s shoulder. “It’s going to be real hard to give him up.” Then she let out a little huff of rueful laughter. “It’s going to be real hard if he lets me go. But…I’ll get over it. What are my choices? I couldn’t have done anything differently.”

The day after Christmas, while Walt was babysitting so Vanni could spend some time working on the wallpaper at her new house, Shelby drove over to the new neighbor’s place. She banged on Muriel’s front door and heard the sound of welcoming dogs inside. Muriel beamed when she pulled the door open.

“Any chance you have a cup of coffee?” Shelby asked.

“Sure. Come in. Everything all right?”

“Well, not exactly. Thing is, I need to talk to someone who’s not a member of my family. About Luke.”

“Gosh,” Muriel said. “I’m honored. I would’ve expected you to go to Mel. The two of you are awful close.”

“True. But she’s got a lot of family in town right now,” Shelby said. “And I just thought, maybe…I don’t know, Muriel. Maybe you can tell me something I don’t already know. About…you know…men.”

“You do realize I’ve been married five times and never could make it work,” Muriel said on her way to the kitchen. “It wasn’t my fault, I swear it, but still…”

“I think maybe I’ve been a fool,” Shelby said.

“Oh, now, that I’ve been a hundred times. I am an expert.” Muriel laughed, pouring Shelby a cup of coffee. “Just tell me what’s going on. I won’t breathe a word to anyone. Especially Walt.”

Shelby ran it down quickly. She met him, fell for him, bought into that whole never-settling-down program because she had big plans of her own and she didn’t regret it. Now she wanted more, but he was still in that same place, while she was suffering. “When he said he’d never put down roots and didn’t want that whole marriage-and-family deal, I really thought that meshed pretty well with what I was looking for. At the time, anyway. He never once lied to me, Muriel. He didn’t lead me on and he’s always treated me like pure gold. Maybe I was the one who lied to him—I thought that worked for me. But things changed. I still want to travel, go to school, but I also want the whole deal—a partner, a family, the security of a relationship I can trust. I don’t want to be with a man who’s just going to dump me right about the time I think I can’t live without him.”

“Oh, little darling,” Muriel said. “I wanted all those things, too.”

“You did?”

“I did. It didn’t work out for me. I hope it works out for you.”

“But you’ve had such an amazing career!”

“I was real lucky that way,” she said. She reached across her kitchen table and grabbed both Shelby’s hands. “I have some bad news, my sweet girl. One—you can’t change people. If he doesn’t change himself, you’re flat out of luck. And two—you want what you want. Need what you need.”

“I keep looking for a compromise…”

“Shelby, there are many compromises in relationships. You learn to live with men’s underwear on the floor just shy of the hamper, toothpaste spit on the mirror, and you learn to keep your mouth shut while he drives around in circles for hours because he won’t ask for directions. But the things you feel in the marrow of your bones, the deep and meaningful desires that will make your life complete—there’s no compromise in it.”

“No?”

Muriel shook her head. “You can force yourself to go along. You might even find a way to force him to go along. But there’s bitterness in it. It’s not worth it.”

“I guess you didn’t go along,” she said. “Do you have any regrets? About being alone?”