Temptation Ridge (Virgin River #6)(83)

“It will. I’m too old. I’m not going to stand still while she gets older. She’ll be thirty-five and I’ll be almost fifty. She’d find herself with an old man.”

“At fifty?” She laughed. “I liked fifty,” she said with a dismissive shrug. “Fifty was good. I was only twenty-three when I married your father and I never thought of him as too old for me. To the contrary, it made me feel better in so many ways, to be with a mature man, a man of experience who didn’t have doubts anymore. He was stable and solid. It brought me comfort. And he was awful good to me.”

Luke straightened his shoulders. “I’m not getting married. Shelby will move on, Mom. She wants a career. A young husband. She wants a family.”

“You know this?” Maureen asked.

“Of course I know that,” he said. “You think we haven’t talked? I didn’t lead her on. And she didn’t lead me on. She knows I don’t want a wife, don’t want children…”

Maureen was quiet for a long moment. Finally she said, “You did once.”

Luke let go a short laugh that was tinged with his inner rage. “I’m cured of that.”

“You have to think about this. The way you’ve managed your life since Felicia hasn’t exactly brought you peace. I suppose it’s normal when a man gets hurt to avoid anything risky for a while, but not for thirteen years, Luke. If the right person comes along, don’t assume it can’t work just because it didn’t work once, a long, long time ago. I know this young woman as well as I ever knew Felicia. Luke, Shelby is nothing like her. Nothing.”

Luke pursed his lips, looked away for a second and then took a slow sip of coffee. “Thank you, Mom. I’ll remember that.”

She stepped toward him. “It’s going to hurt just as much to let her go as it hurt you to be tossed away by Felicia. Remember that.”

“You know, I don’t think I’m the one guilty of assumptions here,” he said impatiently. “What makes you think all people want a tidy little marriage and children? Huh? I’ve been damn happy the past dozen years. I’ve been challenged and successful in my own way, I’ve had a good time, good friends, a few relationships…”

“You’ve been treading water,” she said. “You’re marking the years, not living them. There’s more to life, Luke. I hope you let yourself see—you’re in such a good place right now—you can have it all. You put in your army years and it left you with a pension while you’re still young. You’re healthy, smart, accomplished, and you have a good woman. She’s devoted to you. There’s no reason you have to be alone for the rest of your life. It’s not too late.”

He’d met her soft gaze while she talked but now he turned away from her instead of arguing. He didn’t see it that way; he thought it was too late. What he saw was a beautiful young woman agreeing to life with him, having a child or two, then waking up one morning to realize she hadn’t really lived yet. She’d have gone from her mother’s sickbed to Luke. She would still be young, beautiful, vibrant and sorry she hadn’t looked a little further, for someone with more to offer her. Maureen was wrong. If that happened, if Shelby gave him a few years and then came to her senses and walked away, it was going to hurt a lot more. A lot more.

She spoke quietly to his back. “Listen, I have no idea what possessed Felicia to do the things she did. She could have had everything with you—finding a man who knows what he wants and cherishes it every day, that’s not easy. But she was so foolish and shortsighted. On a stupid whim she gave it up. Maybe she thought she had logical reasons. She had a chance to have it all. But she walked away from a good man, a good life, a hopeful future.”

Luke turned around and there was anger in his eyes. “Stop it,” he said. “You don’t have to draw me any more pictures. I know Shelby is nothing like Felicia.”

“I wasn’t talking about Shelby,” Maureen said. “I was talking about you. In this case you’d be the one in love who, on a stupid, illogical whim, throws it away. Think, Luke. Don’t throw away the best chance at happiness you might ever get.”

“Stop it,” he said softly, in a desperate plea.

Maureen wasn’t easily intimidated. “You’ve held on to this anger way too long. It’s time to let yourself have the life you really want.”

They locked eyes for long seconds. Then Sean bounced out of the house, all smiles. “Well, we ready to head out? Mom? Luke?”

It took a second for them to recover themselves. “Sure am,” Maureen said, handing off her coffee cup to Sean. “Just let me go down to the river and say goodbye to Art.”

“Yeah, I should do that, too,” Sean said, handing Luke the cup. “Then let’s make tracks, huh?”

Luke waited by Sean’s car until they came back. His mother was smiling that enormous smile of hers, green eyes twinkling. “Luke, honey, it was wonderful. I love your house and cabins, your town, your new friends. I think if you decided to stay right here, you might like it.” She went to him and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “Thank you so much for everything. I’ll talk to you soon.”

“Real soon,” Luke said. “Sean, drive carefully. Get her there in one piece.”

Luke was brooding long after his mother and brother left. He knew what point she was trying to make. He could even give her credit for making some sense, but what she didn’t understand was that even if he could work up the courage to take that kind of risk, it was impossible for him to put Shelby through a challenge like that. She was young and fresh. He was not. He was seasoned, bruised and holding back how he felt was by now a habit.