Take a Chance (Chance #1)(11)

He was vulnerable. If he lost her he wouldn’t be able to survive it. She would take every ounce of life in him with her. He couldn’t breathe without her. I’d left that day and drank until the idea of Harlow was numb. The sweet taste of her mouth was a blur, and the way she’d felt when I’d been inside her was a memory.

Harlow scared me. What I felt for her scared me. I had fought going back to her. I had been tormented with the memories of how her smile made my chest swell, and the way she made those innocent little sighs of pleasure. Then that night . . . that one incredible, mind-blowing night. I was afraid I would never be able to wash it away and move on. That was a power I had never allowed anyone to have over me. When Harlow didn’t respond to my calls and her dad warned me to stay away, I finally forced myself to push those memories to the back of my mind. Whiskey helped. When I didn’t have whiskey she was hard to forget. Even with whiskey, I remembered her—it just hurt less.

My need to see her had started to control me, and I had called Dean Finlay to get some help. He had told me that Kiro would have me arrested if I stepped foot on their property. He wasn’t happy with how I had used Harlow. Kiro believed I had slept with Harlow while I was still sleeping with Nan. I tried to explain and defend myself, but Dean had hung up on me.

So I’d drunk even more, because when I was sober the need for her returned. Before, I had done it to deal with Nan’s shit. But now I needed it more. I needed to forget what I’d done to someone so innocent and undeserving. I’d done this for two months. It helped me deal with the loss of Jace, and the taste of something I’d had but destroyed.

After all that . . . Kiro had sent Harlow here. To sit right under my nose without his security and protection. It was confusing as hell.

I reached Nan’s room and the sick feeling in my stomach returned. This felt dirty. Sex for fun had never felt dirty but this . . . it felt f**king disgusting. I hated myself. I grabbed my jeans and jerked them on and slipped my T-shirt over my head before grabbing my boots and shoving my feet into them.

I didn’t tell Nan bye. She didn’t care and I didn’t want to. I just got the hell away from there. I needed to get clean. I wanted to wash her off me. Then I was going to call Harlow. I had to find a way to explain. I just hoped she’d let me.

The sporty little black Audi sitting in the driveway right beside my truck had been a kick in the gut. Why hadn’t I noticed it last night? I should have known someone was here. Too much damn whiskey. That’s why I didn’t notice.

Jerking the keys out of my pocket, I slammed my car door, furious with myself, and cranked the engine. I wouldn’t be drinking today. Or any damn day from here on out. I couldn’t do that anymore. I had to find a way to deal with Harlow being here, and get her to understand why I had backed away.

I just hoped she would understand. I didn’t want her to be hurt. But as much as I wanted her, the fear of being that vulnerable to one person was stronger. She had trusted me and I had betrayed her. I wouldn’t forgive myself for that.

I needed to talk to Rush. He was the only one I could talk to. We might not have been brothers by blood, but he was my brother. He had been since I was a kid. He was the only person in my life I’d ever let get that close. Not even my father truly knew me. He had never really tried. And my mom . . . she was a whole other story.

I called Rush’s number before pulling out of Nan’s driveway.

“Yeah,” he said. The sound of a baby’s laughter came through on the other line.

“I need to talk. You keeping Nate today?” I asked. Rush spent more time with his son, Nate, than any dad I knew. I would say it was because he was making sure he gave his kid something neither he nor I’d had, but I knew better. He adored that kid. He adored his wife. Getting him away from them wasn’t easy.

“Blaire’s here. We were headed out to the beach, but if this is important you know she won’t mind me leaving for an hour or so.” He had picked up on the urgency in my voice.

“If she doesn’t mind. I really need to talk.”

“Let me finish putting sunblock on the little man and help her get set up outside. Then I’ll head over to your place.”

“I’m headed to the club. Meet me there. And thanks,” I said.

“Only for you,” he replied, and I understood. He didn’t make time for anyone outside of Nate and Blaire except for me. It was our bond.

“Tell Blaire thanks for me, too.”

“Okay. See you in a few.”

I hung up the phone and threw it over to the passenger’s seat and headed to the club.

Harlow

Finding the club was easy. Rosemary Beach was a small coastal town; it couldn’t even be called a city. It was where the elite lived and vacationed. After driving through it and seeing the houses up and down the gulf front, I understood why Nan wanted to live here.

Pulling up to the front gate of the club, I flashed my member’s pass that Daddy had given to me at the gatekeeper. He opened the large iron gates for me to enter and I followed the signs toward valet parking. I didn’t want to figure out where the parking lot was, and I could ask the valet how to get to the tennis courts.

A young guy in a white polo and white shorts walked toward my car when I pulled up to the valet. I reached into the backseat and grabbed my racquet before he opened my door.

“Good morning, Miss,” he said with a friendly smile. His long blond hair fell over one eye and he tucked it back behind his ear. I imagined that he was a surfer. He looked like one.