Take Me for Granted (Take Me #1)(70)

“I can’t wait that long. I can’t risk losing her, Cheyenne.”

“You already have.”

Her words hit me like a ton of bricks, so I couldn’t imagine what it had just done to Grant. I’d risked so much by getting involved with him, but it felt like I was risking more by giving him up. And this relationship purgatory we were currently hanging in made the agony of a decision even worse.

He hadn’t lost me. I was still his.

My heart and my body called out to comfort him, but I didn’t. My mind was still reminding me of how much he’d hurt me.

“Well, if you see her, then tell her I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said those things. I shouldn’t have even let Kristin into my room. I understand how serious it all is, but there is no one else for me. No one. It wasn’t even a thought in my mind. Ari is it. She’s the only girl I’ve ever fallen for, and I’d really be worthless if I let her walk away without a fight. So…so, just tell her to talk to me. I want to make it right.” Grant’s voice was hoarse. I’d never heard him like this.

“I’ll tell her, but I really think you should just leave her alone,” Cheyenne said.

“I can’t. I’ll never be able to.”

Cheyenne sighed. “At least for break. Just think about what she wants for a change. If she wanted to talk to you and make things right, wouldn’t she be talking to you right now?”

“I’ll give her whatever she wants. If she wants silence, I can give her that.” He practically forced the words out. “But I’m here to stay, Cheyenne. You tell her that, too.”

“I’ll tell her,” she said before closing the door. “Well, that went well.”

I shook my head and let the tears fall freely. “I should have spoken to him. He sounded so distraught.”

Cheyenne plopped down next to me and wrapped a comforting arm around my shoulder. “I know this is your first real relationship, Ari, but take it from someone who knows…it’s better to let him suffer a little.”

“I don’t want him to suffer.”

“Don’t you? Just a little?”

I laughed, but it came out more like a hiccup. “I just want to put the pieces back together. I feel…God, I don’t even know. I feel like he ripped my body in half.”

“It’ll be okay,” she said softly.

I rested my head on her shoulder and cried.

“Just go away for break. Take some time to think about everything that happened. If you want him back, then it sounds like he’s willing.”

“What if I wait too long?” I whispered the fear that came to me.

“Then, he was never worth it to begin with.”

Chapter 41: Grant

The only thing I wanted for Christmas was hundreds of miles away and refusing to talk to me. Despite telling Cheyenne that I would remain silent if that was what Ari wanted, I was having a terrible time with it. I’d texted her constantly the first couple of days, and I’d called her more times than I even wanted to admit. She hadn’t responded. I had to face facts that she actually wanted my silence.

I still texted her when I couldn’t bear to let her think that she was off my mind. But even those, I let dwindle to once a day, then every other day, and then every third day.

Guilt infected everything. Guilt about how I’d treated Ari, how I’d talked to her, for not going after her, for not doing enough. Guilt about how I’d treated Sydney, how I’d treated the guys, how selfish I’d been in everything I’d been doing for months…years. I was no better than my old man. That much was becoming a pretty obvious fact. Self-sabotage was the name of the game, and I was the goddamn reigning champion.

Normally, in these situations…well, shit, I’d never been in this kind of situation. But when I got down, I usually overindulged in anything that would make me forget. Everything made me think about her though. I didn’t want to drink. I didn’t want to smoke. I didn’t have the energy to think about anyone but her, so there was no way I was going near women. A f**king blizzard had ripped through Jersey, so I couldn’t ride my bike. The only thing I still had was my guitar, and her song seemed to be the only one I remembered.

“Are you going to mope around all break?” Sydney asked a few days before Christmas.

I’d apologized to her as soon as she’d gotten back from the ski lodge. She’d brushed it off like it didn’t matter and told me it just ranked right up there with my other bizarre behavior. Really reassuring.

“I’m not moping.”

“You are so moping!”

I just shrugged. I didn’t want to argue with her. I started strumming out “Life Raft” for the hundredth time, and Sydney groaned.

“Stop playing that song. Can’t you just…I don’t know…find someone else?”

My eyes shot daggers at her.

“All right, all right. Bad idea.”

“She just needs time.”

“Has she spoken to you at all since she left?”

I couldn’t think about that. I couldn’t consider that she had moved on. My life was hanging on the edge of disaster with those thoughts constantly swirling through them. I didn’t need the push that would send it into a spiral of chaos.

“Look, cuz,” she said, sinking into the seat next to me, “I know this is hard on you, but you need to do something else, something to get your mind off of her.”