Sweet Temptation (The Sweet Trilogy #4)(73)

See? I can do this. I’ll even take out the last bag of rubbish without her asking.

I’m feeling good when I run into Anna in the hall at the stacked washer and dryer. That is, I was feeling good. Now I see the look on her face and the paper in her hand.

Shiiiiiiite . . . shite, shite, shite!

It’s the f*cking note Anna Malone left me. I only remember one damn line from the whole thing—something about picking up where we left off. This is not good.

“I heard a rumor that you’re not working,” Anna says quietly. “Is that true?”

I wish I could say yes, completely.

“Mostly. I work if whisperers come around or if my father gives me a task, but even with Marissa’s nieces it’s not usually sex.”

She pauses and I want to tell her everything—about how hard I’ve tried and how good I’ve mostly been, but the proof is right there in her hands that I’ve done something, sex or not.

“Were there whisperers here when you had people over?” When she asks this, I know what she’s really asking. Did you hook up with her because you had to or because you wanted to? Emptiness fills me. I won’t lie to her, even though I’d rather gouge my eye out than admit this.

I shake my head. “No.” I wasn’t working.

She crumples the note and turns away from me, back to the washing machine, and I feel as if I’m falling. I know how she’s feeling. I know that sickening sense of betrayal, and now I’m feeling like a hypocritical prat for giving her such a hard time about a kiss with Kope when I’d done even worse. God, if Kopano had done to her what I’d done to the other Anna . . . I clench my jaw, then I get a grip. I have to fix this.

“Anna.” She ignores me and goes about stuffing laundry in. “Ann, please. Listen.”

How can I make this go away? She turns to face me and her eyes are wet. I shove my hands into my hair, wondering how I can salvage this night.

“It was after I’d spoken with Marna,” I try to explain. “I believed you and Kope were together, even though Marna said you weren’t. I was certain you’d fall in love with him.”

I hate admitting that my own insecurities led me to doing bastardly things, but I have to come clean with her. Anna closes her eyes, and her face is pained, as if she’s imagining the worst. I want to take those images from her.

“Did you sleep with her?” she asks.

“No.” Though I don’t expect her to be impressed, I need her to know. “It wasn’t nearly as hard to stop as it had been with you.”

She still doesn’t open her eyes.

“I’ve mucked it right up, haven’t I?” She looks at me now with sad eyes. “I’d been good for so long, Anna. You wouldn’t believe how good.” Eight months since I’d had to work that party in New York. Nothing besides that except snogs in bars if whisperers showed. I wonder if she’s able to understand how difficult it’s been, how much I’ve missed her. A set of tears run down her cheeks. I want to wipe them, but I don’t know if I’m allowed to touch her.

“When I saw you on Valentine’s Day I was going to tell you everything. . . .” I ramble on about how I’d found out about her and Kope. “I rang Marna, expecting another no, but she hesitated . . . and there was nothing worth being good for anymore.”

I need to shut up. I’m digging myself a hole. Inexplicably, Anna holds out her hand to me. I stare at her offering for a moment before I take her hand in mine.

She pulls me to her and says with conviction, “No more. No more running in the wrong direction.”

I exhale and feel the tension from my body release as she holds me tighter. It’s going to be all right. We’re going to work through this. I once again marvel at Anna’s ability to forgive, to love selflessly. I only wish I could erase all the pain I’ve caused her.

“No more,” I promise her. I start by gently kissing under one of her eyes, and then the other, and down her cheeks, soaking up the salty tears on my lips.

Her hands are strong as she reaches up to grip the sides of my face. “You run to me,” she demands. And then she kisses me hard.

Her forwardness ignites me. I back her into the washer and dryer. My knee parts her legs until it’s between her thighs. She is what I need. I know without a doubt I will never again run to another. “To you,” I say against her mouth. “I swear it.”

Our kiss turns frenzied and I fear I’ll never be able to get enough. I fear my need will always overtake me. It’s hard to control myself when she’s wild like this, but if I focus on Anna and her pleasure, instead of my own, perhaps that will sate me.

I think about the striptease she did at Blake’s and my mind goes berserk. Those thighs. If I can get her naked but keep my own clothes on . . . just for a moment.

My lips pull from hers and move to her ear. I’m strangely nervous. I don’t want to scare her away. I grip her tightly.

“Let me see you again,” I whisper.

“What?” she whispers back.

I don’t ease up on my tight hold of her, and I nibble the freckle atop her lip. I know I’m being too vague, but I’m afraid she’ll balk if I grunt, “Naked. Now,” as I really want to. So I choose my words carefully, knowing I’ll need to take this slowly, layer by layer.