Sweet Temptation (The Sweet Trilogy #4)(35)

And then she says in a sultry voice, “No, Kai. Don’t stop.”

I freeze. She’s giving permission.

Don’t stop.

I have to kiss the mouth that said those words. When I do, our bodies move together, and she’s clinging to me, rocking me from the inside out. And though there’s clothing between us, it’s the most sensual and satisfying thing I’ve ever experienced.

My chest swells with an abundance of that feeling only Anna can give me. It overpowers the beast inside me with its luminescence. A single thought echoes through my mind: it’s time to stop. I don’t even understand why. Clearly, Anna is ready. She has told me as much, and her body is screaming it, rubbing against me in a way that makes me want to explode.

It’s time to stop.

“We . . . ,” I mumble. “Baby, I . . . we have to . . .” Stop.

I am baffled by this thought. It’s as if it’s coming from a greater power outside me. With sudden clarity I know Anna will regret this spontaneous decision to sleep with me, for reasons I can’t begin to understand, but I know. Something will not be right if we do this. The sureness of it is enough to scare the shite out of me.

I shake my head. My entire body goes stiff and I try to lift myself, but Anna has ahold of me, and she’s whimpering for more like a needy little vixen.

I have to momentarily close my eyes against the sight of her.

“We can’t,” I whisper.

“Kai?” The sound of the surprise and hurt in her voice kills me. I want to give her what she wants—what we both want.

It’s time to stop.

I want so badly to ignore this stupid f*cking feeling of intuition, or whatever the hell it is, and take this girl with every ounce of strength in my body, but I don’t dare. I’ve never had a feeling this strong and clear. When I attempt to move off her, she tightens her hold around my waist. Her back arches underneath me again, lifting her hips to mine in the most agonizing way. I am about to lose all control.

“Damn it, Ann, please! Don’t. Move.”

Our gazes collide, and we’re both panting with unsated need. She’s gorgeous and so bloody hot for me that I have to look away.

And move. Quickly. I get my arse off the bed, and immediately that overpowering sense of intuition leaves me, and it’s just me and the beast. Scorching pain racks me from thigh to stomach, and my head gives a giant throb. I grab my hair, pacing—I can’t stay still. What have I done to myself? It feels as if I might die. I try to shake away the excruciating headache that makes me barely able to open my eyes, but it’s no use.

“You don’t want me.” Anna’s small voice shoots straight through my ears and down to my core, making me groan with animalistic longing. Her eyes water and she looks lost.

Can she not see how I want to ravish her like the devil I am? I like to think of the beast and myself as separate entities, but I’m fooling myself. We are one and the same. Right now I want to give in to my darkest urges, throwing caution and gentleness aside, shredding every scrap of cloth between us, and overpowering her body with mine to see how loud her sweet voice can get.

“Don’t do that,” I struggle to say. “That was the single most difficult thing I’ve done in my entire life.”

I stand, trying to clear my head.

“I don’t understand, then,” she whispers.

No, no she doesn’t. And neither do I.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, okay? And don’t think for a second I don’t want you—” I push my knuckles against my pounding forehead. “But it shouldn’t be like this.”

“Like what?” she asks.

Everything is wrong. I don’t even know how to explain it. I’m so bloody frustrated. Why is she asking me these questions? Is she blind to the kind of person she is, and the kind I am? None of this is good enough for her.

“Uncommitted,” I say. “In a hotel room.”

“Then commit.” Her voice is resolute. As if it’s that simple.

I throw my arms out, at a loss. “I can’t!” That is not my life, and will never be. She can try to slum it with me all she wants, and fool herself into thinking it’s okay, but I know the difference between us. Eventually, she will, as well.

“I’m not taking your virginity,” I tell her. “You would regret it.”

I lean my forehead against the wall, but the pain in my gut is too powerful to stand. I turn and slide to the floor, elbows on my knees, face in my hands. My abdomen contracts in anger as I force myself to breathe.

I hope she understands. I hope she can forgive me and move on with her life, realizing how narrowly she escaped being ruined by the biggest bastard she’ll ever meet. I will take her to that convent and then we must go our separate ways. She and Patti can move to the middle of nowhere and she can attempt to live in peace. It’s good that we didn’t have sex—this way she’ll be able to forget about me, and she’ll be okay.

I look up at her, feeling a sliver of hope for her, and that’s when I see it.

She’s staring right at me, and floating around her body like a grand cotton-candy swirl is the pink of love. For half a second my heart rejoices—she loves me. And then I realize . . . I’ve ruined her anyhow.

I shut my eyes and lose all energy.

In a perfect world I would stand and take her in my arms. In a perfect world I would be her stupid boyfriend and make love to her all night without worry. In a perfect world I’d tell her the words I’ve been too afraid to admit to my own self.