Sweet Surrender (Sweet #1)(63)

“When we didn’t have food in the house, I did odd jobs, babysat for neighbors so we’d have the money to eat. I can remember holding her head as she puked her guts up after a night of drinking. Of course, I didn’t realize that’s where all our money was going.”

Gray made a sound of disgust. “Christ, Faith. How old were you?”

She shrugged. “Nine, ten, I don’t really remember.”

His hands tightened on her shoulders and his rubs became more soothing as if he understood the difficulty she had in talking about her mother.

“When I was fourteen, she met and married Pop. I was so excited. I loved Pop on sight. He was so kind to me. Accepted me as his daughter. I had a major crush on Connor. What fourteen-year-old girl wouldn’t? He was twenty-four, fresh out of the army, and he was nice to me. Didn’t treat me like a nuisance. For the first time, I really thought that I’d landed in the kind of family I wanted.”

“What happened?”

Faith sighed. The memory of that night still held such power over her. It had been the worst feeling in her young life. Worse than the disappointments her mother had thrown her way.

“She got a bug up her ass one night. Got me up in the middle of the night and left. I was devastated. I didn’t want to leave. I even asked her if I could stay. She made me go with her, and I know it was because she had no one else to take care of her. It pissed me off. Pop was so good to her. He would have taken care of her if only she’d have let him. But like everything else, she f**ked things up. Wouldn’t allow anything good to happen to us.”

His hands stilled on her shoulders, and his fingers dug into her skin. He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her neck. “Where did you go? What did you do?”

Tears pricked her eyelids. “Back to our old life. Moving every few months when we got evicted. Going back to school wasn’t an option. I was too busy trying to feed us and keep a roof over our heads.”

Gray cursed.

“A year or so later, she started taking drugs. I wasn’t surprised. I had to hide money from her, or she would have used everything we had on drugs. I hated her. I wanted to leave her.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“I was young. Scared. I had no place to go. No one I could count on. And at the heart of everything, she was still my mother. I couldn’t leave her because I knew she wouldn’t survive without me.”

Gray wrapped his arms around her and pulled until she was tight against his chest. He reclined until they were both leaning back staring up at the night sky.

She closed her eyes and savored the strength in his embrace. The comfort and acceptance. The understanding.

“So what happened?” he asked.

She knew he meant how she ended up here, with Pop, away from her mother. Her lips trembled at the memory of that night.

“When I was twenty, I was working two jobs, so I wasn’t around much to babysit her. I bought food, paid the bills and never gave her money. I thought by doing so, she wouldn’t have a way to pay for drugs. I underestimated how far she’d go to get what she wanted.

“When I got home from my second job, I found her passed out in the living room of our tiny apartment. She wasn’t breathing. I called 911 and did as much CPR as I remembered. When the ambulance got there, they were able to resuscitate her and take her to a hospital.

“I can remember sitting in the waiting room at the hospital feeling guilty because I wasn’t sure if I wanted her to survive or not.” She shuddered, trying to wipe away the guilt she still felt. “How horrible is that? Wishing my own mother dead.”

Gray’s arms tightened around her. “Not horrible. It’s human.”

“They found Pop’s phone number in her purse and called him. When he and Connor showed up, I bawled my eyes out on Pop’s shoulder. Connor took me to a hotel and stayed with me while Pop got Mom sorted out. He set her up in rehab and what else I’m not even sure. At the time I didn’t care. I was too relieved not to have had to deal with it myself. He and Connor took me back to Houston with them, told me I was part of their family. Pop gave me a stiff lecture about not enabling my mother and told me to wash my hands of her.”

She shifted against Gray, turning slightly so that her cheek rested on his shoulder. He looked down at her, his eyes soft with sympathy.

“Do you have any idea how relieving it was to have someone say it was okay to take myself out of my relationship with my mother? It sounds silly, but I needed someone to tell me it was okay, that I wasn’t a bad person.”

Gray nodded and touched a finger to her chin. “Most people wouldn’t have done all you did for her.”

“When Pop told me he wanted to adopt me…I can remember staring at him, so stunned. Then I burst into tears and cried a river. He thought he’d upset me, but it was the most wonderful thing anyone had ever done for me. For the first time, I felt like I truly belonged. He and Connor were my family. Here I was, twenty years old, and I felt like a child all over again.”

Gray kissed her forehead and touched his fingers to her cheek, running invisible lines from her cheekbone to her ear.

“So you’ve been with Pop ever since.”

She nodded slightly, not wanting to knock his hand from her face. “He moved me into one of his apartments, gave me a job at Malone and Sons, and gave me a stern lecture about ever allowing my mother back into my life.”