Sweet Surrender (Sweet #1)(46)

He held up his hand. “Let me finish. Let me see if I have this right. You want to submit to a man. You want a man to dominate you. That’s what the trip to The House was all about and your allowing a complete stranger to spank your ass. In public.”

She blushed and looked away.

“Faith, look at me.”

She turned her gaze back to him.

“Am I right? You want to give up control to a man?”

Slowly she nodded.

“But that’s not what you’re doing,” he pointed out.

Her brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”

“As much as you say you want a man’s control, you cling to every vestige of control yourself.” He gestured down her body at her tied arms and legs. “You’ve set the scene just as you imagined. You’ve scripted the role, my role, and decided how everything plays out. You’ve got every detail worked out in your mind. You’re in complete control. No one else. I’m merely a puppet dangling on a string waiting on you to command me to command you and for you to tell me how to command you.”

Her mouth fell open in shock. Her pupils widened.

“I don’t work that way, Faith,” he said softly. “I told you what I wanted. A woman who’d be content to let me call the shots. Nothing about this scenario is me doing anything but allowing you to dictate how it is we get together.”

He reached down and untied her legs. Then he freed her hands. He pushed himself off the bed and looked down at her. “I’m going to take a shower. It’s been a long day.”

Faith watched him go, her entire world turned on its axis. Slowly, she swung her legs over the side of the bed and got up to collect her clothes. Not bothering with her bra or panties, she pulled on her jeans and shirt then sat back on the bed in stunned silence.

Her body ached from the constant state of arousal, first instigated by Micah and carried one step further by Gray. But she hadn’t found completion. But Gray’s words had definitely brought her down from her impending orgasm.

How could she not have seen it before? He was exactly right. She craved a man’s dominance. Wanted a man to take care of her, but she scripted every aspect of his performance. She had a detailed idea of how she wanted everything to go. Hell, if she had her preference, she’d provide him with a list of every single thing she wanted him to do to her.

She dropped her face into her hands. Oh God, what a moron she was. She hadn’t wanted a dominant man. Just the opposite. She’d been trolling for a mindless puppet.

But that wasn’t really what she wanted, was it? No, definitely not. Actually what she wanted was a man who didn’t have to be coached. Someone who could reach inside her and pull out her fantasies, her needs and provide for her. Emotionally and physically.

And even when searching for a mindless puppet, she’d been a dismal failure. She’d spent more time hinting around than she had coming right out and saying what it was she wanted. Was it any wonder she was a walking case of sexual frustration?

What a mess she’d made of things. She wanted to go home and have a good cry. She’d found the perfect man, a man who wanted the same things she did, but she’d gone about it completely wrong. Now he thought she was an idiot who didn’t have the first clue what she wanted and worse, thought she was playing stupid mind games.

She had obviously sat there beating herself up for longer than she thought because the next thing she knew, Gray put a hand on her shoulder.

She looked up to see him standing there, a towel around his waist.

“Are you okay?” he asked quietly.

She let her hands fall to her sides, and she looked away. “You were right. I didn’t even realize what I was doing, but you’re right. I was orchestrating the entire thing. It’s what I’ve done in all my relationships. Is it any wonder I’m so f**ked up?”

He sat down beside her, holding the towel up with one hand. “You’re not f**ked up, Faith. And there’s nothing wrong with you wanting to orchestrate your sexual fantasies. I merely suggested that what you think you want and what you really want might be two different things. Maybe you need to consider that you might be better off in a situation where you’re calling the shots and controlling the situation.”

She let out a frustrated sigh. “But that’s just it, Gray. That’s not what I want. I know I’m all mixed up, but what I want is a strong man. Someone who isn’t afraid to step up and call the shots, as you put it. I want, no I need that from the man I’m going to be involved with. I want…I want someone who will take care of me, who will cherish my gift of submission. Maybe that sounds horribly old-fashioned, but I’m tired of searching for something that obviously doesn’t exist.

“Maybe I went about it all wrong, but it doesn’t change what I want. I know what I want. I just haven’t figured out how to go about getting it yet.”

She stood, suddenly possessed with the need to get the hell out of there. After all, she’d made a big enough ass of herself for one day. Maybe she’d go cry on Micah’s shoulder. Or maybe she’d just go home and try to forget this day ever happened.

She chanced one more look at him and found him staring at her in faint shock. There was an odd expression in his eyes like he was puzzling over her words. Which wouldn’t surprise her, since she’d made a muck of everything else.