Sweet Surrender (Sweet #1)(4)

He scrubbed a hand over his face and rubbed his eyes tiredly. “Yeah, it makes sense.”

She reached out to touch him, and he flinched away from her. “I don’t know what to say. Are you angry?”

A harsh sound escaped his lips as he blew his breath out in a rush. “No. Yes. Hell, I don’t know. I feel like you dropped a damn anvil on my head.”

He reached out and cupped her chin in his hand. He stroked his thumb over her cheek as he stared into her eyes. “I knew…I knew something wasn’t right between us. I didn’t expect this, but I knew you weren’t as happy as you could be. Or should be. I want you to be happy, Faith. Hell, I want me to be happy. And I guess we just don’t do it for each other.”

He quirked one corner of his mouth up in a semblance of a grin, and she relaxed.

“You weren’t satisfied either,” she accused.

His smile turned into a rueful grin. “I guess I won’t get into trouble for saying no then.”

She flopped back onto the bed and let out a giggle. “Don’t we make a good pair. Lying here naked after sex, breaking up.”

He leaned over her, his expression serious. “You’re a terrific woman, Faith. I’d hoped for more between us, and I admire the guts it took for you to tell me what you wanted.”

“So you don’t think I’m a perverted sicko?”

“No, but I want you to promise me you’ll be careful. A lot of men out there would take advantage of the type of situation you want. They wouldn’t have your pleasure or best interests at heart.”

“Thanks, John,” she said softly as she reached up to touch his face.

He bent and kissed her cheek before sliding out of bed to get dressed.

Faith sat behind her desk at Malone and Sons Security and nibbled absently at her pencil. The office was quiet today. Pop and the others were out on a job bid with the new guy, and she was left to ponder alone. Never a good thing.

John had left the night before instead of staying over as he usually would. But then breaking up had a way of pushing a man out of bed. She could console herself with the fact that apparently, he’d been as unsatisfied with her as she had with him, so she doubted he was suffering a broken heart.

She, on the other hand, was well on her way to major funkdom. Maybe she had been too subtle. Too afraid. Too ashamed of her needs and desires. It certainly wasn’t something she’d ever discuss with her girlfriends, not that she had many. They’d probably vote to kick her out of the league of women upon hearing just what it was Faith wanted in a man.

Last night had been the first time she’d actually voiced the dark desires floating around in her head. Not that she’d gone into any great detail. Just the brief mention had made her cheeks burn with embarrassment.

But that had to end. Now.

Subtlety was not her friend. It wasn’t getting her anywhere with the men she’d been involved with. Hinting and hoping wasn’t the way. No, she had to be more proactive. More forceful. If she didn’t make it clear what she wanted, then how could she ever expect to get it?

The ringing phone interrupted her melancholy train of thought, and she reached gratefully for it.

“Malone and Sons,” she greeted.

“Hi sweetie, it’s Mom.”

Faith’s heart plummeted. A sick curl began swelling in her stomach, and she had to physically restrain the urge to hang the phone back up. God, it had been a year since she’d heard from her mother. A year of no hysterics, no martyr acts, no lame excuses.

“Mom,” she said faintly. “How are you?” Stupid question. Her mother was never all right. Always some crisis.

“I’m in trouble, Faith. I need your help.”

Faith closed her eyes and bit down on her lip. Through the receiver, she heard a sound like cars passing on a highway. Was her mother at a pay phone? It wasn’t likely Celia could afford a cell phone.

Don’t ask, Faith. No questions. You don’t want to know anyway.

“Faith, are you there?”

“I’m here,” Faith whispered. If only she hadn’t answered the phone.

“I need to borrow some money, baby. Just a little to tide me over until I get another job and a place to live.”

Faith swallowed back the stark disappointment and closed her eyes to call back the sting of tears. As dumb as it was to hope that one day Celia Martin would get her act together, Faith clung to it nonetheless.

Why couldn’t she have a mother? A real mother. Someone not so bent on screwing up everything in her path who could have a real relationship with her daughter.

“Faith, I really need it this time, honey. I’ll pay you back, of course.”

Of course. What a laugh. Faith’s hand squeezed the receiver of the phone until a sharp pain snaked up her arm.

“Not this time, Mom,” Faith said, surprising herself with her refusal.

The long, silent pause that settled over the line told Faith that her mother was just as surprised.

“But honey, I need the money to get by.” Desperation edged Celia’s voice. She became more forceful. “I told you I’d pay you back. I have to find a place to live, buy gas and food. As soon as I get settled and find another job, I’ll be okay.”

“That’s what you say every time,” Faith said quietly. “Only it never ends. I can’t continue to bail you out. It’s time you took some responsibility for yourself.”