Sweet Evil (The Sweet Trilogy #1)(59)

“Angels of light are extremely sensitive to the emotions of others, so you got that from your mother, which is good, Anna, but you can’t be so sensitive that you’re blind to the bigger picture. Didn’t you ever get hurt when you were little? Fall down and skin your knee?”

“Sure.”

“Does it still hurt?”

“No. I see where you’re going with this,” I said.

“I know it sounds trite. I would never suggest saying this to someone who’s in the middle of a tragedy, but even the worst earthly pain and heartache doesn’t last into the heavenly realm. And it all serves a bigger purpose.”

“But what about the suffering of the Neph?” I asked, indignant. “The way they’re treated...”

“I know. I’ve always believed the Nephilim are the strongest souls on earth. I think even the Dukes feel threatened by them. If anyone could overthrow the demons, it’s their own children.”

But the children are scared, I wanted to say. We’ve been told we’ll end up in hell. I should have asked then, but I wasn’t ready to hear it. I peeked at the clock. Time was going by way too fast.

“Tell me more,” I said. “Tell me anything. What’s the meaning of life?”

He let out a big, burly laugh.

“You thought you’d stump me with that one, didn’t you? It’s actually very simple. The purpose of life is to find your way back to a spiritual way of thinking and living—to be able to get past the physical stuff. That’s pretty much the whole test. And every soul is given talents and strengths to help them along the way.”

“That’s it?!”

He snickered at my bug-eyed response.

“It’s much harder than it sounds.” He looked up at the clock now. “Ten more minutes, little one. What else you got for me?”

There was thunder in my heart. I looked at his big, weathered hands holding mine on the table. I couldn’t put it off any longer.

“Is it true there’s a stain on my soul, and I’m condemned to go to hell no matter what? That’s not true, is it?”

His breathing had gone shallow as he stared at me. A tremble began to shake his chin, and he looked away. No. Please, no. I shook my head, pulling my hands away to cover my face. My heart ached and my eyes stung.

“Please forgive me, Anna.” His voice was quiet. “This is why I never wanted children. Please look at me.”

I moved my hands down from my watering eyes, pressing my fingers over my mouth.

“It might be different for you. Your mother’s good might cancel out my bad. We don’t know. And if it’s true, then I’ll be there with you. We’ll stick together through the darkness.”

“Why would He do that to us?” My voice rose. “To all of the Nephilim children? It’s not our fault!”

He leaned across the table, grasping my hands from my face and holding them. His eyes were set on mine.

“Nothing good comes from anger,” he said. “Trust me. It’ll keep you from thinking clearly. I know you don’t want that. Don’t lose hope. Remember, hell is only a holding place. You’ll get your shot at judgment. We can’t know everything about the ultimate plan. It’d be like trying to teach infants quantum physics.”

I rubbed my face, trying to nod and swallow the sob in my chest. I didn’t want to go to hell. There was nothing more petrifying than the idea of a place absent of love.

“Two minutes!” hollered a guard by the door. “Wrap it up and say your good-byes, folks.”

We both stood. I came around the table and went into his thick, solid arms. He smelled like soap. It was surreal to be hugged by him, but so right. He kissed the top of my head.

“I love you, Dad.”

“You don’t know how good those words sound to me. I’ve loved you every day of your life. Thank you for coming to me. I’m proud of you.”

He pulled away and lifted my chin to make me look at him.

“Remember everything I told you, got that?”

I nodded.

“And tell the Rowe boy to keep his paws off my little girl, ’cause I’ll be out soon to take care of him if he doesn’t.”

“Daaaad.”

Embarrassing.

A whistle blew and we pulled away from each other. Everyone was standing, hugging, and walking to the doors. My stomach tightened.

“Please be careful,” he urged.

“I’ll see you soon?”

“You bet.” He kissed my forehead and I grudgingly joined the other visitors leaving.

At the door I turned back. He was still watching me, tall and stoic. My whole life I’d fooled myself into thinking I didn’t need his love, but I’d been wrong. Everyone needed their father’s love.

A freshly shaved Kaidan leaned against his shiny black SUV with his arms crossed in the bright California sunshine. He stood up and took off his sunglasses when he saw me. I couldn’t look at him. I walked past and opened the door, climbing in.

He didn’t ask any questions. He just got in and drove, keeping his eyes on the road. When we’d driven five miles from the prison, I hid my face in my hands and let loose every tear I had in me.

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

FIRST SACRIFICE

Across from the hotel was a tiny Laundromat with five washers and five dryers run by coin slots. I spent the afternoon doing laundry while Kaidan went to the hotel’s gym. He’d given me his phone in case the convent called. I sat alone in a small chair, thinking, while the dryer ran.