Sweet Dreams (Colorado Mountain #2)(92)

He cut me off with a dare. “That’s the first time she f**ked up my life, you wanna hear more?”

“But you went to Penn State,” I reminded him quietly.

“Yeah, thanks to Dad and Pop,” he returned. “I quit Neeta and went to school.”

“So, um… later you took her back?” I asked cautiously.

“More times than you got fingers, Ace. Each time, she f**ked up my life.” His arms gave me a powerful squeeze that made my breath catch and his voice got so low, I could feel it vibrating in my chest. “So I find this woman, see. High-class, great f**kin’ hair, legs that go forever but I see her when I’m pissed. I’m pissed at Bubba and I’m pissed at Krystal but most of all, I’m pissed at Neeta ‘cause I let the bitch play me again. Next day after Neeta plays me, the next f**kin’ day, that’s when I find this woman. She’s workin’ in my goddamned bar,” he growled and my heart stopped. “And I do not need that shit. Had years of that shit. I need that woman and the trouble that’s written all over her in my bar like I need a hole in my head. So I get pissed, say shit I don’t mean and what happens? I walk out after sayin’ that shit and she looks at me and I know she heard. Part of me, gotta tell you Laurie, is glad. Part of me can’t take it. Which part wins?”

“Tate –”

I got another squeeze. “Which part?” he demanded to know.

“I don’t –”

“You’re right here, Ace.”

“But I don’t understand.”

“What’s that say about me?”

“Sorry?”

“What’s that say about me?” he repeated.

“Honey, I don’t understand the question,” I whispered.

“Babe, honestly?” he asked.

“Yes.” I was still whispering.

“You’re standin’ there wonderin’ what the f**k you got yourself into after gettin’ yourself outta that jacked up situation with your ass**le ex. After makin’ two piss poor choices in the women I let in my life, what do you think I’m thinkin’?”

I couldn’t be sure but I thought I knew what he was thinking.

“I’m not Neeta,” I said quietly.

“You’re your own brand of trouble, I know that and you’re still right here,” he told me and I felt my heart start beating faster.

“But I’m a good girl,” I whispered. “I’ve always been a good girl.”

“Laurie, you strut up to a f**kin’ garage, all tits, ass and legs. Jesus, if you had a fishin’ pole, you couldn’t’ve hooked those boys faster.”

“I needed my oil changed,” I reminded him.

“Wood didn’t come out first, babe, no f**kin’ joke, the rest of those boys woulda fought to change your oil and bring you margaritas while they were doin’ it.”

“That’s crazy,” I breathed.

“Ace, hello?” he called. “I was f**kin’ there.”

“Tate,” my voice was stronger, “I needed an oil change.”

“Yeah, there it is,” he shot back, “your own brand of trouble.”

“I don’t understand what you mean!” My voice was definitely stronger since I was semi-shouting.

“What I mean is, two months ago I scraped off the bitch who’s been ruinin’ my goddamned life for over twenty years. The next day, the next f**kin’ day, you’re in it. You’re totally clueless, wanderin’ through a biker town like you’re in Disneyland. And, I’ll repeat, the day before I met you, I scraped off the woman who I spent two decades with, a different kinda clueless woman who lived in her own head.”

I felt my head twitch.

“I’m not clueless,” I whispered.

“You’re clueless and you’re lost,” he returned.

“I’m not lost either,” I told him.

“Lauren, you live in a hotel.”

“So? It’s home!”

“You can tell yourself that, babe, but a hotel is not home.”

I switched topics because he kind of had me there.

“And I don’t live in my own head.”

His face changed, his voice changed, everything changed when he spoke again.

Everything.

The whole of Tate.

I watched it and it was so dazzling all I could do was stare.

“Honey,” he whispered, using an endearment he’d never used on me in a voice he’d never used either, a voice that was quiet and sweet and the expression on his face was so tender it made my heart turn over, “you’re so deep in your head you can’t even sleep.”

I felt my lips part and I kept staring at him.

Darn it all, he had me there too.

His arm left my back so his hand could curl around the side of my neck.

“This is what we got. You got burned by that ass**le ex of yours and I got played by Neeta. We hooked up after that, for me right after that, and here we are. So what’re we gonna do?” he asked.

“I…” I cleared my throat, “I don’t know.”

The pad of his thumb pressed my jaw up as his head tilted down and his face got close.

“I ain’t Brad and you aren’t Neeta,” he said softly. “I also ain’t perfect and neither are you.”