Sweet Dreams (Colorado Mountain #2)(118)

“Talk to me,” Tate urged gently.

It was time, it was time to let him in but more, it was time to let me out.

I took in a shuddering breath and my arm gave him a squeeze.

“My first was my college boyfriend,” I whispered. “His name was Matt. He was lovely. When we did it, he took me to a fancy hotel and he’d arranged it so there was a bouquet of red roses by the bed when we got to the room. After he made love to me, he told me he’d love me forever. A year later, he got a job where he had to move to Tennessee and he asked me to go with him. I was young and I couldn’t even think of leaving Indiana, leaving my family. It scared me so I let him go. We tried the long distance thing but it didn’t work. He’s married now to a nice woman named Ellen. They have three kids. He calls me every year on my birthday, though. He never forgets. I call him on his. We talk forever and we laugh like crazy.”

My breath hitched as new tears threatened but I gulped them down and held Tate tighter. In return his arm pulled me closer but he didn’t speak.

“He loved me,” I said softly.

“Yeah,” Tate agreed.

“I think, in a way, he still does,” I went on.

“Yeah,” Tate repeated.

“I don’t know when it happened,” I whispered.

When I said no more, Tate prompted, “What, honey?”

“When he took me away. How he got me. How he did it,” I answered, referring to Brad and when I did Tate’s arm squeezed tight. I shook my head against his chest. “I didn’t even feel it happen. I didn’t know it. I don’t know…” My voice broke, I swallowed again and Tate’s hand still sifting through my hair dropped to my neck and his fingers curled there, giving me a squeeze and I forged on, “I don’t know why I let him.”

“He say shit?” Tate asked and I shook my head against his chest again.

“No, it was just that… just that… he was so convinced he was all that, somehow he convinced me and for him to be all that, I had to be less, not me having to be less, Brad needing to make me less and he just… just… made me feel that way and I just… I…” I pulled in breath and finished, “I just faded away.”

Tate didn’t respond and I lifted up, taking my arm from around his stomach and swiping at my face. Then I turned to him and looked in his eyes.

“I wasn’t running from him hurting me with Hayley,” I told him softly. “That’s not why I got out of Horizon Summit, why I fled my life.” My voice dropped to a whisper. “I lied to Krystal when I asked for that job but I didn’t know it then. I know it now. She was right. I got lost and I was trying to find me.”

His hand slid up my neck to my jaw and his thumb glided along my lower lip.

“You just find you, baby?” Tate asked.

“Not exactly,” I answered.

“Then what exactly?” he pressed.

“I…” My teeth bit my lip, tagging the pad of his thumb which he didn’t move so I released it. “My brain just suddenly started paying attention.”

“To what?”

“To you.”

His brows went up and his thumb swept along my cheekbone. “Wanna explain that?”

“You’re beautiful,” I whispered and watched his face change, surprise was there but it was soft, not astonished… moved.

“Ace,” he whispered back.

“I saw you,” I kept whispering, “at the hotel, meeting Neeta –”

Tate cut me off. “Know that, babe.”

“I know,” I replied. “But you don’t know that I hated Neeta instantly when I saw her throw herself in your arms. Pure jealousy. I didn’t know you, I didn’t know her. I just took one look at you and I…” I stopped speaking, suddenly embarrassed and more than a little scared and my eyes slid away. I would have moved my face but his hand tensed against my jaw.

“Keep talkin’,” he urged.

“I can’t,” I said softly.

“Baby, I think you don’t get this but you’re safe here.” His hand left my jaw and both arms wrapped tight around me, giving me a squeeze at the same time pulling me up so my face was level with his. “You’re safe, Lauren,” he murmured and my eyes came back to his. “You weren’t safe with him but, honey, swear to God, you’re safe with me.”

I felt the tears smart in my eyes and my lower lip quivered so I pressed them together.

“Keep talkin’,” he repeated, I took a breath in through my nose and nodded.

“You were far away,” I whispered, “it was night, I could barely see you…” I hesitated. “But you still took my breath away.”

His eyes closed and his hand slid up my neck into my hair and he put pressure there so our foreheads were touching.

“Christ, Laurie,” he muttered.

“The next day,” I went on, “I saw you walk into the bar and you were so beautiful…”

His eyes opened and his fingers tensed against my scalp. “All right, maybe you can quit talking.”

I ignored him.

“That’s why it hurt so much.” My voice was so quiet it was barely audible. “What you said. You being you, looking like you, breathtaking…”