Sweet Addiction (Sweet #6)(59)

“I’ve had five relationships that I would call full-time, serious relationships where I readily gave up control to a man. Two of the five were you and Lucas. That leaves three in …hmmm …the last nine years since I’ve been with Lucas for the last year. Of the five, I’d say I only fully, unequivocally trusted you and Lucas. I’m not saying the two other than Grant were awful. They weren’t.”

Cole watched her closely, the consternation in her eyes and how fidgety she’d suddenly become. It was apparent she wasn’t comfortable discussing her past, but it was important to him to know what had happened in the ten years after he’d left her.

“But in between those steady relationships, I visited clubs, let off some steam, did a few scenes but I always hated it afterward because it felt so fake and put on.”

He stiffened as he imagined her in some dark ass dungeon club with a bunch of wannabe dudes in way too much leather and wielding whips and chains. Christ. Over his dead body would she ever venture into another one. The mere idea of what could have happened to her set his teeth on edge and made him weak in the knees.

She waved a hand airily. “Anyway, back to Vegas and how I got there. I was living in Los Angeles when I met Grant. I’d had a falling out with my parents after my last relationship because they dropped in unexpectedly to visit me. I lived in Nashville at the time. Let’s just say they saw more than a girl ever wants her parents to see. They were horrified. They called the cops and it was a huge mess to sort out and I was embarrassed as hell. Mom and Dad were mortified. I was mortified. The guy I was with was pissed because he spent the night at the police station while I explained to the cops that I was in a consensual relationship and I wasn’t being abused.”

“Jesus,” Cole muttered. He could well imagine how that had gone down with her parents.

“I needed a clean break and some distance. Mom and Dad, after their initial horror, were pissed and disapproving and that’s the mild word for it. I was basically told I was unwelcome in their home as long as I chose to live a life of sin and that if I didn’t change my ways, I was going straight to hell.”

“Nice,” Cole bit out.

She shrugged. “You know how they are, Cole. You better than anyone know how set they are in their opinions. The first time they ever saw my tattoo I thought my mom was going to blow a gasket. She actually called and made an appointment to have it removed.”

“Still, that couldn’t have been easy for you even knowing or expecting their condemnation,” he said quietly.

She went silent for a moment. “No, it wasn’t. At first I thought I’d just give them some time. Make a clean break. Let emotions die down and then I’d contact them again.”

“Did you?”

“No. I got out to L.A. and I could use the excuse that I was busy or that I was involved with my own life, but the simple truth is I was scared—I’m still scared—that if I contact them again or actually go see them, that I’ll get that door slammed in my face and I’m not sure I could handle that. Thinking or assuming that it’ll happen is far different from the cold reality of seeing it.”

“I understand,” Cole said. “Still, maybe …”

She nodded. “Yeah, I know. I keep saying maybe. Maybe one day. Perhaps one day I will. But then I got involved with Grant and maybe in the back of my mind I thought that they were right about me because I was so miserable with him and nothing was right about my relationship with him. I just couldn’t face their judgment because a small part of me wondered if they’d been right about me all along and I had sprung from some mutant gene pool.”

Cole scowled, feeling the hot edge of anger tear through him. “And do you still feel that way?”

“No. It’s the way I felt then, but you have to understand I was a wreck and I over-dramatized everything. So to get back to the point of all this, Grant wanted to go out to Vegas for a weekend. I didn’t really want to go anywhere with him but I was still clinging to the idea that I owed him my loyalty and my obedience. I was stupid, but there you have it. I went and it was the worst weekend of my life.”

Cole’s eyebrow went up. He wanted to press. He wanted to know in exacting detail precisely what happened and he didn’t want anything left out. Lucas had covered part of it, but it had been vague. Ren had hinted at the things that Grant had done but Cole wanted hard facts because then he wanted to go kick the ever-loving shit out of the ass**le.

“What did he do to you, Ren,” he asked softly.

They were interrupted by the waiter bringing their food. Ren looked relieved, but Cole wasn’t going to let it drop. He was a patient man, and this was key information.

He waited until she’d received her food and the waiter disappeared.

“Ren?” he prompted.

She set her fork down and her lips turned down into an unhappy moue. “This is so embarrassing. It sounds like something out of a frat party instead of a thirty-something man with a reasonable amount of intelligence.”

Cole pursed his lips. “I’d say you’re being generous on the intelligence factor, but continue.”

“He wanted to demonstrate his authority over me in a very public way. He was cruel and he humiliated me at every turn. If that wasn’t enough, he also wanted to have a veritable orgy in his hotel room. An orgy he wanted me to participate in. I’m as kinky as the next person but my tastes just don’t run to women. He f**ked their brains out but I had no desire to join in. All the while he taunted me with how much of a woman they were and how much better they were at following instructions, blah blah. Well duh, he was paying them a hell of a lot of money.”