Sweet Addiction (Sweet #6)(39)

“No,” she whispered, shaking her head.

He touched her face, stroked his fingers down her cheek as his gaze devoured her. Almost as if he couldn’t quite believe that she was here and would disappear at any moment.

“After you, I refused to participate in any practice that I didn’t extensively study and devote long hours to mastering. We wondered when we began if it was curiosity or a deep-seeded need within us. For me it was a need and now I realize it was the same for you. How perfect we were for each other,” he said ruefully. “Even more so than we ever imagined. But the truth of the matter was, I needed time to mature and grow and time to gain the knowledge necessary to provide a safe environment for you.”

“Did you have other relationships? Like ours?” she asked, though she dreaded the answer. It was stupid and hypocritical. She’d certainly had relationships. She hadn’t been celibate but somehow it hurt her to think of Cole cherishing another woman as deeply as he’d cherished her.

“Not like ours,” he denied. “Nothing like ours. My …Well, you can’t even call them relationships. They were encounters. And they were all very clinical. There were women who intrigued me. Whom I was attracted to, but the ones I was perhaps the most attracted to belonged to other men. Maybe subconsciously I felt safe in letting myself feel something for them because I knew I never had a chance with them.”

Her brow furrowed in confusion. “Why wouldn’t you have wanted a chance?”

His gaze settled on her. Deep and serious. “Because they weren’t you.”

Her breath caught and she felt light-headed.

“Ren, I loved you. I know you didn’t think so. Especially when I walked out on you. But for me there’s never been another woman who made me feel like you did. There were a few who came close and maybe if they hadn’t belonged to other men I would have enjoyed being with them.”

He caught her hand and pulled it to his mouth to kiss her palm. “I’ve been very successful in life. I’ve achieved all the goals I’ve set out to achieve. It’s brought me a measure of happiness. But there’s always been something missing and when I looked up in that restaurant and saw you for the first time in all these years, it all fell into place for me. It was like being hit by lightning. I can’t even begin to explain how it felt.”

She stared back at him in complete befuddlement. Her stomach knotted and she could barely squeeze air into her lungs.

“I looked at you and knew what was missing in my life. What I wanted in my life. I’ve never stopped loving you, Ren. I can’t make it any simpler than that.”

She swallowed but the knot didn’t go away. She had no idea what to say. How to feel. How could she make herself so very vulnerable when she was setting herself up for hurt no matter how this played out in the end?

Cole framed her face and leaned forward to kiss her lightly on the lips. “I’ve been brutally honest with you for one reason and one reason only. Because I want you to know from the start where I stand so that no matter what happens this week, no matter how hard I push you, no matter how far I take you out of your comfort zone, you know one thing if you know nothing else. You’ll know I love you and that I’d never do anything to hurt you again.”

He released her face but his gaze held her captive. “You can belong to any number of men. You can be possessed. You can be a possession. You can submit. You can be dominated. But none of that necessarily means you are loved and cherished above all else. You’ll know that with me, Ren. You’ll never doubt it for even a moment if I can help it.”

Tears gathered in her eyes. “Oh Cole.” She leaned forward until her forehead touched his and he swam in her vision as she tried to hold back the flood of emotion. “I’ve missed you so much.”

He tangled his fingers in her hair and held her close as their breaths mingled. “I’ve missed you too, darling.”

“It’s all so fast,” she murmured.

He nodded. “It is. We’ll slow down. I never thought it would be easy. You can’t imagine what it felt like to see you and know you belonged to another man. Really belong. I knew what that collar signaled and I knew that I’d have to fight for you. But there was no way in hell I was going to walk away again.”

She snuggled into his arms and laid her head on his shoulder. He was so strong and comforting. Warm. She needed that strength.

“I won’t be easy,” he warned.

She shivered at the dark promise in his voice.

“This time we have together will give you the opportunity to see who I really am.”

She glanced up into his eyes. “And you’ll see that I’m not weak. That I need your strength and the rigidity of a dominant relationship. It’s not just what I want, Cole. It’s what I need. It’s what I have to have.”

He nodded. “I understand. I’ll give that to you, Ren. I’ll give you everything.”

Contentment slid over her, loosening some of the tension in her muscles. She went limp against him as he continued to stroke her body, his touch tender and soothing.

“Now tell me about this career of yours,” he said against her hair. “Rennie Michaels? Children’s author extraordinaire?”

She laughed lightly. “It started as an escape. A way to deal with my unhappiness. My unfulfillment I suppose you could say. I would drift away, telling stories in my head and one day I decided to write them down. And then I began to draw the scenes, adding words to the pictures that danced around my mind. The second day I was with Lucas, after he moved me in with him, he came across my drawings and one of the books I’d put together myself. He insisted I submit it and so I did. To be honest I think he helped. He had connections. Before I knew it I had an agent and then an offer. They fast tracked that first book because it was already completed and little to no revisions were necessary. It released a few months ago and I’m working on the third in the series right now. The second will be released in four more months.”