Surrender of a Siren (The Wanton Dairymaid Trilogy #2)(104)

“Now I’m awake.” Joss’s eyebrows lifted. “What are you on about? Don’t turn martyr on me, Gray.”

“I can’t risk both of us dying, Joss. Don’t you understand? Where would that leave Bel and Jacob?” Gray rose and began to pace the cell with agitation. “One of us needs to walk out of here alive, for them. I’ve decided to plead guilty in exchange for your freedom, and that of the crew. I’ll say you objected, but I coerced you into engaging the ship. Beyond that … you never boarded the Kestrel, Joss. They’ve got no evidence against you. So just keep quiet and play along.”

“You mean play dumb. You mean play the ignorant Negro incapable of thinking for himself.” He drew his knees to his chest and stacked his arms atop them. “Is that what you mean, Gray?”

“No.” Gray stopped pacing. He looked his brother in the eye. “Yes, Joss. That’s exactly what I mean.”

Joss stared at the floor for a moment. Then he shook his head slowly.

“No.”

“What do you mean, no? You can’t possibly say no.”

“I assure you, I can. And I believe I just did.” Joss stood, brushing his trousers clean as he rose to his feet. “Here, let me demonstrate the possibility again. No.”

“You’d rather hang?” Gray crossed the small cell in two paces, coming toe-to-toe with his brother. “Joss, you have a child who needs you. A sister who needs you. Hell, I’m your brother—and I need you, too. I need you to take care of them for me.”

“I won’t do it, Gray.”

“Damn it. I’d never have dreamed you could be this selfish, to sacrifice your own son’s security for the sake of your pride.”

“It’s not just my pride you’re asking me to sacrifice. It’s my dignity. My humanity, for God’s sake. I’d rather Jacob grow up a pirate’s orphan than the son of a slave.”

“You were never a slave.”

“You know what I mean. I want my son to make his own way in the world, with his own wits and courage. What example do I give him if I swear before God and England that I can’t be held responsible for my own actions?”

Gray turned on his heel and strode to the far corner of the cell. He braced one arm against the wall and covered his face with the other hand, trying to concentrate.

Damn it all to hell. Joss and his stubborn, foolish pride. Gray had to convince him—someway, somehow. They couldn’t both die. He simply couldn’t allow it to happen. The very idea of Bel and Jacob left alone in the world made his limbs go numb.

Joss cleared his throat. “You’ve been trying to manage my life for years now, Gray. If you’re suddenly in the mood to make a grand sacrifice, do me this favor: For once, let me be my own man.”

The anger in his brother’s voice stiffened Gray’s spine. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“You’ve given me no choice in any of this. You sold my home out from under me and forced me out on the sea the first time. You knew I wanted to settle here after … after Jacob was born, but you dragged me back out again. If I’m going to die, at least let me go to my grave with a shred of autonomy.”

Now Gray was angry, too. “You love the sea, Joss. I know you do. At least you did, before Mara died and took the best half of you with her.” He saw his brother wince at the mention of his wife. Good. It was long past time they stopped mincing around it. “We had plans. We were supposed to be partners. You’re the one who went back on his word, decided he’d rather dig in the dirt and indulge this ridiculous scheme of Bel’s.”

“It isn’t a ridiculous scheme.”

“Come now, a sugar cooperative?” Gray scoffed. “One season, and you’d be bankrupt. And then how is your son supposed to respect his father, the sharecropper? How is anyone going to respect you?”

“Here’s a better question. Why doesn’t my own brother respect me? You’ve never once trusted me to make my own decisions.”

“That’s because you make stupid decisions!”

Joss glared at him. He took a slow breath before continuing. “No, it’s not. It’s because you’re forcing me into a life I don’t want, just to assuage your own guilt. It’s because you’re legitimate, and I’m a bastard. It’s because you

’re white, and I’m black.”

“Damn you, Joss. It’s because we’re brothers. Stop trying to make every argument about our disparities. You’re my little brother, and I’ve a God-given right to care about you.” Gray ran both hands through his hair.

“We had fun all those years, chasing down packet ships. Things were good between us, until Mara died. We had plans. You reneged on them and made me the villain. Is it really so terrible, that I want something better for you, for our family?”

Joss blew out a breath. “No. It’s not.”

“Then why are you so damn angry with me? For leaving with all our proceeds?”

“For leaving at all.” Joss stalked to the far corner of the cell. “When Mara died, it was hell for me. It wasn’t easy for Bel either. They were close. So Bel and I didn’t leap at the chance to go off to London and leave the only home we’ve ever known. Can you honestly blame us? We were grieving. We needed you, Gray. I needed you. All that huffing and storming you did, about what was best for the family … Well, your family needed a brother, and you just left.”