Sunset to Sunrise (Alexa O'Brien, Huntress #7.5)(7)

Europe had been my home for so long. Leaving had been difficult but important to my personal growth. Shedding my accent had occurred naturally over time. I couldn’t even fake it now if I tried. The person I was then no longer existed.

“I hope you’re burning in hell now, bitch,” I whispered aloud to no one.

I regretted not telling Alexa about my wolf. It had been trapped inside me for so long now, an echo of what it once was. I didn’t want to be the one to tell her. It had taken decades to get over the feeling of having it caged inside a form that cannot shift. Eventually I ceased to feel it altogether.

The wolf had also been forced upon me. Many soldiers were infected with lycanthropy in order to make us stronger and immune to human disease. However, it didn’t make us strong enough to take on a vampire like Eva.

I did all I could to avoid thinking of her. I would never forget the things she made me do. More than once, she starved me to the point of maniacal madness before setting me loose in a room filled with helpless victims. She kept their skulls in a large glass display case, a collection she was proud of. Rape and torture were part of who she was. No victim died at Eva’s hand without suffering first, as much as any human could withstand.

“I hope you got what you deserved.” I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to see anything but Eva’s torture room. It would live forever in my mind.

Thinking of the things we did to victims there, I couldn’t help but think of what I’d done to Alexa in the FPA basement. Forcing myself on her like that, it was disgusting, completely unforgivable. If she hadn’t fought back, I would have taken it all the way; I don’t deny that. If only she hated me for it as much as I hated myself. Her forgiving nature could very well be her undoing.

Eva would intentionally wait until the hunger was at its worst. Then together we would torment victims until their screams drove us over the edge. The memory of so many screams lived inside my head. What I wouldn’t give to be free of them. Now Alexa’s screams were among them. I would never be free.

My past was not an excuse for the things I’d done. It was merely a reason why. I sought no sympathy from anyone, which is why I would never share the darkest parts of my past, most especially not with Alexa.

Shya killed Eva, but I wished every night that it had been me.

Now so many years later, I was again enslaved. I know Alexa’s intent had been to save me, but by forcing her blood on me in a moment of extreme weakness, she made me hers as only a powerful vampiress can. And though she did not know it, in that moment she undid several centuries of careful reconstruction.

Some vampires, like Arys, don’t feel the need to feed from willing victims because they are never conflicted about their actions. They have utter acceptance, and because of that, their sanity takes fewer hits. On the other hand, I spent centuries preying on torment and screams as much as I preyed on blood. That had been a god-awful habit to kick, one I’d managed to overcome. Until now.

There was no rhyme or reason, no way of explaining how or why a vampire hunts the way it does. We’re all monsters, and we’re all mad in our own right. Some of us have just gotten very good at hiding it.

“It’s guaranteed to work or double your money back!” The forced excitement spewing from the infomercial host was starting to piss me off.

A glance at the screen revealed a redhead that looked far too much like Eva. I blinked a few times, found myself looking at a brunette and lay back down muttering obscenities. It’s terrifying to realize you’ve lost your mind.

I clenched my teeth so hard my fangs hurt. Irritated by the TV and disturbed by my own thoughts, I got up to turn the annoying box off with a smack. Then I flopped back down in bed, burying my face in the pillow.

My phone buzzed, alerting me to a text message. It was from Jez, telling me they had arrived safely in Sin City. I tossed the annoying device onto the bedside table without replying.

Jez was a good person. She was the only woman I knew personally that I could currently stand to look at. Her forgiveness after my attack on her had meant the world to me. A guy like me didn’t have a lot of genuine friends. Not that I wanted many.

Try as I might, sleep eluded me. It was almost noon when I gave up. I could only lay there waiting for so many hours. Trapped by the sun, there weren’t a lot of ways to pass the time.

I read a book. And another after that. Waiting on sunset was driving me stir crazy. At least if I’d stayed at The Wicked Kiss I would have had something, or someone, to do all day.

Two women had made me theirs. Only the death of the first had allowed me freedom. However, Alexa’s death, her transformation to vampire, would only tighten the chains that held me to her. Did I even want to be free of her? Sometimes I wasn’t so sure. It was difficult to keep my thoughts straight these days.

I loved to toy with the thought of killing her. Would I really be able to bring myself to do it though? I hoped not.

I needed a way out. Working with Scar and his pathetic band of rebels was beneath me. I knew that. And yet, it just might be what I needed to ensure the freedom I told myself I sought. Alexa would never allow me to live if I helped in an assassination attempt on Arys. Even if she did, he wouldn’t. This time she wouldn’t be able to stop him. In fact, he would have to kill me in order to reign over the city as he intended. Allowing me to live after an attempt on his life would cause others to question his authority.

That was it; at last, I saw a way out. It wasn’t the best plan. In fact, it was totally stupid. Still, all I needed was the right opportunity. I wouldn’t have to force Alexa’s hand after all. Instead, I could force Arys’s. He would be all too eager to destroy me. Honestly, he would have already if not for her.