Suddenly One Summer (FBI/US Attorney #6)(79)

Ford appreciated the gesture. And on a different night, perhaps he’d take her up on that offer. “Thanks. But I’m just hanging out with my friends tonight.”

“Sure. No problem.” With a carefree shrug, she walked back to her group of girlfriends.

A few minutes later, Tucker was at his side. He nodded at the brunette. “Huh. I thought you were in there.”

“Nah, she was just asking me for the time. Said she has a boyfriend.” Ford made a big show of shrugging. “What can you do, right?”

Tucker looked at him. Then he reached out and squeezed Ford’s shoulder, his voice turning uncharacteristically serious. “Hey. You win some, you lose some, right?”

Ford smiled slightly. “Indeed you do, Tuck.”

A moment passed, neither of them saying anything further. Nothing else to be said, really.

Then Tucker cocked his head and grinned. “So can I talk to the brunette, then?”

Ford chuckled. Some things, at least, never changed. “She’s all yours.”

Twenty-nine

ON SATURDAY AFTERNOON, for once, Victoria had plenty to say during her weekly session with the good doctor.

She paced in his office while describing her panic attack, cross-examining him about the effectiveness of his supposed techniques and her alleged progress—both of which seemed highly debatable given recent events.

“I can tell that you’re upset,” Dr. Metzel said calmly when she’d finished her rant.

She snorted. A regular mind-reader, this one.

He gestured. “Please. Have a seat.”

After debating—she’d been on the fence about coming to this appointment at all—she sat down in the chair across from him.

Yes, she was angry with Dr. Metzel because of her setback. And she needed to be angry with him—or with someone, at least. Because if she didn’t have her anger to focus on, she’d start thinking about the fact that these panic attacks weren’t going away as easily as she’d hoped, and that scared her.

She’d never been cowed by anything in her life, and she’d be damned if she’d start now.

“I understand your frustration,” he said. “But I do think you’re still making progress.”

“Tell that to the seventy people who saw me faint on the train. Or to Ford, who had to carry me off, like I’m some damsel in distress. Do you realize how embarrassing that was?” She pointed to her chest, her emotions raw. “I do not need rescuing.”

He studied her for a moment. “Why didn’t you just get off the train at an earlier stop? That would’ve solved your problem instantly.”

“I told you, I didn’t want Ford to know about the panic attacks.”

“Why not?”

She exhaled. Always so many questions. “It doesn’t matter. Ford and I aren’t seeing each other anymore. I ended things Monday night.” She pointed. “Go ahead. I’ll wait while you write that down in your notebook.” Patient shows zero progress and continues to be a general pain in the ass.

She pictured him stamping the top of her file with one word written in red ink: hopeless.

But instead, Dr. Metzel held her gaze. “Why did you end things with Ford?”

“I don’t want to talk about him.”

“I think you do. You didn’t have to tell me you weren’t seeing him anymore.”

She paused at that. This whole week she’d been trying to cover up the fact that something was off. And, frankly, it was getting a little exhausting.

Dr. Metzel slid his chair closer to hers and leaned forward earnestly, resting his arms on his knees. “I know you see me as the enemy here, Victoria. But believe it or not, I really do want to help you. And I think I can help you. If you’ll let me.”

She shook her head, knowing that opening this door would mean saying things out loud that she didn’t even want to acknowledge to herself. “I can’t have these kinds of feelings for Ford.”

“Why not?” Dr. Metzel pressed.

She met his gaze. “Because I can’t need anyone that way.” She saw him waiting for her to continue. Fine. She’d go there, just this once. “You asked how I felt that day when I came home and found my mother unconscious. At first, while I was waiting for the ambulance, there was mostly shock and fear and a lot of promises that if she pulled through, I’d be strong enough for the both of us from that point forward.”

You’re going to be fine, Mom. I’ll take care of you. Just please, please don’t leave me, okay?

Victoria cleared her throat, needing a moment to fight back the prickling sensation in her eyes.

“But when we got to the hospital, after I watched as they wheeled her off on a gurney, there wasn’t anything I could do except wait. And sitting there, all I kept thinking was that she’d wanted to leave me. My own mother. And that realization was so much worse than anything I’d felt when my father had left, because she didn’t bother to say good-bye. Didn’t even leave me a note.”

She met Dr. Metzel’s eyes. “You asked before if I was angry with her. I wasn’t angry—I felt betrayed. I was ten years old at the time, and she was all I had left. What the hell did she think would happen to me if she’d died? Did she even think about that?”

“Did you ask her that?”