Sudden Response (EMS #1)(67)

She still loved working on the truck, but wanted to do that part time now. She could still work with Eric while he attended school. Once he was working full time as a medic she fully planned on picking up an overtime shift with him once or twice a month. Thankfully she'd taken the course required for basics to work with medics last year so she was all set.

"Give me the phone, Joe," he said, trying to move her off his lap so he could grab the phone.

"It's not what I want anymore, Eric," she said, trying to figure out how the hell she went from wanting this so badly to turning it down flat to take a new direction in life.

"Explain," he said tightly as he sat back and shifted her on his lap so that he was once again looking at her.

"It's all your fault," she said, deciding that was the best way to go. When his eyes narrowed on her she hastily rethought that plan and went with another approach.

She reached up and ran her fingers through his hair as she thought over all the reasons that stopped her from accepting what used to be her dream. Finally she decided on the truth.

"I love working on the truck, Eric. I love working with you, but....."

"But?" he said quietly when she hesitated.

"But I want to try other things. I still plan on keeping my ticket and working with you part time, but I've really been enjoying working in dispatch and teaching and I want to give that a try," she explained, holding back the main reason for her decision since she had no idea where he stood on the matter.

Before she used to imagine her life working side by side with him, more than happy to have at least that much. Since they came together she'd started to have other ideas for her life, things that she fought so hard not to want, but she did. She wanted a life with Eric. She wanted to get married and if that was still too much for him then she would settle for him moving in with her and she wanted a family. Not yet, but soon and she wanted that with him.

"I need to know if I'm part of the reason that you turned this down," he said quietly.

"And if you are?" she asked, not really sure that he'd be happy that she wanted something that he may not be able to give her. The fact that he was able to handle a real relationship with her should have been good enough, but she wanted more.

"Am I part of the reason, Joe?" he asked again.

She looked up and met his eyes and shrugged like it was no big deal even though the thought of him telling her that he couldn't give her anymore scared the living hell out of her. Honestly, she didn't know what she would do if he didn't want anything more than what they had now. This should be more than enough for her, she knew that, but it wasn't. She wanted to fall asleep in his arms every night and wake up the same way every morning. She wanted to fight with him over the remote, manipulate backrubs out of him every week and know that he was hers.

He pressed his lips against her forehead. "Please tell me I'm the reason, Joe."

"Why?" she asked, unable to hide her surprise. Never in a million years would she have thought, prayed yes, that Eric wanted more with her.

"Because I want to know that you want me as much as I want you," he said against her forehead.

"And if I do?" she asked, smiling as she relaxed in his arms.

His hold around her tightened as he let out a little growl that curled her toes. "I wish like hell that we weren't having this conversation at work."

"Me too," she said, sighing softly as she reached up and cupped his jaw. "I love you, Eric."

"I love you too, Joe," he said, pressing another kiss to her forehead before moving back. He reached up and cupped her face. "You know I want to marry you, don't you?" he asked as uncertainty flickered across his features.

"Now I do," she said, leaning in to brush her lips against his, but just like it usually did, the kiss quickly got out of hand.

Although they'd fooled around in the ambulance before they'd never done it in front of an audience and she had no plans on doing it now, but the second their shift was over she was tying him to her bed and using him until they both passed out.

"We have to stop," Eric said, gasping as he pulled back. She nodded her agreement as she climbed off his lap and willed her shaky legs not to give out.

She sat down in her seat and ran her hands down her face, willing her body to cool down and doing her best to resist the urge to jump him. Her eyes landed on the pastry box and sighed in relief, thankful to have something to focus on besides the sudden ache between her legs.

Without a word she handed the apple fritter over to Eric and grabbed the chocolate frosted coffee roll for herself. She took a bite and tried to focus on anything but Eric, but it was difficult being this close to him and not thinking about him or wanting to touch him. For a few minutes they sat there silently as they ate until Eric broke the silence.

"I don't want you to quit for me, Joe," he said softly, surprising her.

Frowning, she looked over at him to find him staring down at his half-eaten fritter. "That's what you wanted a few months ago."

"I know," he said, shaking his head as he sighed heavily, "but I don't want you to give up something that you love because of me, Joe. I don't want you to have any regrets later."

She reached out and took his large hand into hers. "I won't, Eric. I'm not giving it up entirely. I love dispatching and teaching and I would love to focus on that for a while. If it doesn't work out I plan on coming back to work on the truck and going to school," she explained. Of course if she went to paramedic school later on she doubted the city would pay for it.