Strings of the Heart (Runaway Train #3)(89)
“So I finally agreed to visit Dad for the weekend. Mom bought an outfit and some toys for me to give to you.” He shook his head with a wry smile. “The whole drive to Atlanta, while I sat with that damn package on my lap, I fantasized the whole time about rolling the window down and chucking it out onto the interstate.”
A nervous giggle escaped my lips at both his sentiment and the expression on his face. “After Mom dropped me off, Dad and Nancy gave me my space. They didn’t force you on me to start with. Finally after roaming around the house and playing basketball with AJ, curiosity finally got the best of me. I found you in the living room. You were in this frilly bassinet thingy. When I walked over to you, I had a thousand horrible thoughts running through my mind about what harm I’d like to do to you.” At my horrified gasp, Jake grimaced. “I said I was a punk kid, didn’t I?”
“Yes. But it’s just terribly hard for me to imagine that you would ever think such horrible things.”
“Ah, that’s the unfailing love you have for your big brother speaking. I was a real bastard then.”
“What changed your mind about me?”
With a ragged sigh, Jake jerked a hand through his hair. “You.”
I furrowed my brows in confusion. “Me?”
“It all changed the moment I bent over the bassinet to look at you. Even though I probably stared down at you with such hate on my face, do you know what you did?”
“What?” I questioned softly.
Tears shimmered in Jake’s dark eyes. “You smiled at me.”
Witnessing Jake’s emotions caused tears to sting my eyes as well. “I did?”
He bobbed his head before dragging his sleeve across his face. “And then just like that—” he paused to snap his fingers, “any hate or anger I had toward you evaporated. The longer I stood there, the longer you kept smiling and cooing like I was the best thing you had ever lay eyes on. Nancy came in the room and asked me if I wanted to hold you. Never would I have imagined saying yes, but I did—I wanted to feel you in my arms, snuggle you against my chest.” With tears streaming down his face, Jake smiled. “And from that day on, I’ve loved you with all my heart, Allie-bean.”
I hiccupped a sob at his words. Fumbling out of the chair, I couldn’t seem to get to him fast enough. When I threw my arms around his neck, Jake pulled me down beside him on the couch. “Oh Jake, I love you so much,” I murmured, as I hugged him tight.
“I know, baby girl. I know. I love you just as much.”
Relief flooded me when Jake’s arms came around me. They felt safe and comforting just like they always did. I hoped that meant that he had forgiven me for what he had witnessed earlier. Pulling away, I stared up into his handsome face. “Nothing will ever change my love for you or how much I need you as a big brother. Not even my feelings for Rhys.”
Jake’s expression darkened at the mention of Rhys. “I just can’t believe he betrayed me by going behind my back with you.”
Shaking my head, I replied, “He didn’t betray you. It takes two, and I’m just as guilty as he is.”
“Allison, you’re just a kid, but Rhys is a man. He knows better. Just the thought that he seduced you for his own selfish, bullshit reasons makes me want to throttle him again.”
“He didn’t seduce me.” When Jake started to protest, I held up my hand. “Didn’t you hear me say that I’ve been in love with Rhys since I was thirteen years old? Trust me, no one wanted this more or consented more than I did.”
Jake’s brows creased with confusion. “What are you saying?”
“There’s never been and never will be any man in the world for me but Rhys.”
“But how?” Jake croaked.
I laughed. “Are you asking me to explain why I love him? Because I don’t necessarily think I can. Just like I’m sure it would be hard for you to explain why you fell in love with Abby despite your differences and the fact the world was against you guys.”
Jake winced as if he knew what I was saying was true but hated to admit it. “I promise you that Rhys never set out to seduce me into his bed and make me one of his conquests. More than anything, he fought against what he felt for me because he didn’t want me to get hurt. But Jake most of all, he didn’t want to jeopardize your friendship.”
“Really?” Jake asked, his brows rising in surprise.
“Yes. Runaway Train is the only true family he has, and he didn’t want to do anything to risk it, even if it meant throwing away his own happiness and mine to keep the peace.”
Running his hand through his hair, Jake gave a ragged sigh. “I had no idea.”
“No, you’ve been too much of a stubborn ass to see anything past your own feelings,” I replied.
Jake’s eyes momentarily bulged. “Hey now.”
Cocking my head at him, I gave him a tentative smile. “It’s the truth on some level, and you know it.”
With a sheepish expression, Jake said, “Yeah, I guess it is. You know me too well, Allie-Bean.” He then glanced down at his hands and sighed raggedly. “Hell, I knew Rhys’s home life was f**ked up, but I had no idea how strongly he needed the band. Not only do I feel terrible about hitting him, but I feel like a huge ass for all of the horrible things I said to him. The truth is he’s never been like me in the way he treated women. I shouldn’t have called him out for behavior that wasn’t really his. It’s just hard to think any man would ever be f**king good enough for my baby sister, Allie-Bean.”