Street Game (GhostWalkers, #8)(123)

Jaimie shook her head. “Mack, you would never be happy in retirement. You know you wouldn’t.”

“What do I have without you, Jaimie?” He looked up at her. “I’m serious. How many times can I go out and come back to nothing? After a while you lose your incentive.”

She turned away from him and looked down at her hands. She was trembling. With fear. She wanted Mack, but did she want him to give up everything he was for her? Was that the price she wanted him to pay because he’d hurt her? She detested that she’d put him in this position. “Mack.” Her voice was gentle. Aching. “You’d grow to hate me. You live for this.”

“I live for you. I love being in Force Recon in the GhostWalker unit. That word you always want me to say to you. I love what I do. The missions. The action. The ability to make a difference in the world. I love that, Jaimie. But you’re my other half. You’re everything. I don’t know how else to say it to you. There are no words for the way I feel about you. I hurt you, I know I did. I wanted to be your everything, more than love. I didn’t want to believe you could walk away from me and I let pride get in the way. I wanted you to come back to me on your own.”

His throat closed and he cleared it, pressing his fingers to his stinging eyes. “I could never have walked away from you. I still can’t. The thought never once entered my mind. We were supposed to be together always. Always. Through everything, no matter how bad it got. It was always going to be us.”

“You said there was no future.”

“That’s what you heard, Jaimie; that’s not what I said. You were so upset over the mission. Three of my men—our brothers—men depending on me were hurt. We’d walked into an ambush. It really hit home where I’d led everyone. Most of the boys wouldn’t have joined the GhostWalker program if I hadn’t encouraged them. I probably could have stopped them all. I was wallowing in self-pity, not throwing you away. I needed you right then. More than anything, I needed you.”

He held up his hand before she could reply. “I realize you needed me right then too. In any case, Jaimie, all that matters now is what we decide to do about this. You have to make up your mind how important I am to you. If you decide you’re going to be with me, it’s forever. You can’t have one foot out the door because I’m an idiot and say or do the wrong thing. You’ve got to hit me over the head and tell me to straighten up.” He looked up at her, his dark eyes twin pools of emotion. “Say it, Jaimie. Say you choose me no matter what happens.”

He held his breath. Every cell in his body went on alert, much the same way it did on a mission. He was aware of the breath moving in and out of her body, of the way shadows chased across her face and the moonlight bathed the room in silver. Her lips parted.

His heart pounded. Say it. A whisper in her mind. A plea when he never pleaded.

“There will never be anyone else, Mack,” she said, her eyes going liquid.

He didn’t dare move. He didn’t know whether thunder cracked outside or whether it was his heart. Say it. He was rigid. His jaw set, every muscle locked, his gut coiled tight.

“I choose you forever, Mack. Forever.”

He wrapped his arms around her waist, under her silk robe, and dragged her to him, pressing his face against her soft belly. A shudder went through his body. His hands trembled. “That’s your word, Jaimie. You’re giving me your word.”

She cradled his head to her, just holding him, her fingers brushing small caresses through his hair. “Yes. And just so you know, we’re not going to run away from them. You just stopped a war before it even got started, Mack. I’m not so selfish that I’m going to try to keep you to myself. We can save our money and keep investing. Maybe I can help with that end. If we find a good place, we can all settle there and put in a first-class training facility like Team Two, but in the meantime, I’m going to be taking a big hit on my business.”

“Not necessarily.” He pressed kisses along the line from her belly button to the top of the tiny black curls, feeling the bunching of her muscles in response. “The government’s been giving you contracts because they know the caliber of the work you do and you have a high security clearance. Just indicate to Sergeant Major that you’re willing to come back full-time for analyzing and programming, but only part-time on fieldwork. You’ll have to train with us all the time, but we’ll only use you when we need your particular skill.”

“I don’t know, Mack,” she hesitated. It was so hard to think when he touched her so possessively, when his breathing changed to that harsh rasp, almost as if he was desperate to taste her. His hands were strong, moving over her body as if she belonged to him and no one else, as if every inch of her was his alone.

She bit her lip, trying to puzzle things out when her brain was slowly turning cloudy. She couldn’t say she hadn’t been exhilarated rescuing the two children, but not a shot had been fired. Things might have been a lot different if they’d had to use live rounds. As it was, she, like the others—particularly Kane—had spent a couple of days recouping from using psychic talent. “I’d be afraid of endangering all of you.”

She tried to ignore the way her nipples beaded beneath the thin silk, the way his hands shoved her robe aside, bunching the material out of the way. She heard his low growl, a sound that rocked her. She looked down at him and saw his face, the stark, raw hunger as he focused completely on her. She realized the intensity of his hunger was the way he showed her what she meant to him. Every touch, every claim and demand he made, he was telling her how much he loved her.