Still Jaded (Jaded #2)(79)

"Who left me?" I stepped closer, one foot. Stalking.

He rolled his eyes.

I added, "Who walked away? Who started sleeping with someone else? And why did you do it—for some stupid media thing?" I was seeing red. "Think of a better excuse."

Bryce watched me with lidded eyes. He didn't show any emotion, but I knew it was there. I felt it. It was brimming underneath his surface, and it was powerful. He was angry—no. He was furious. I was calling all his cards and throwing them away. The truth was the only thing he could give and he knew it. I was taking away all his games, but what did he expect? This was me after all.

This was me and him. This was how we fought.

I stared at him. He stared back, but the fire was there. Then I grinned. It was a small smile, but it was there and it was cruel.

Bryce took it as such and stalked forward one step. "What do you want me to say? You want to know why I started dating Guadalupe or why I screwed her? You pick."

"Which was first?"

"I screwed her."

"Then that's the one I want to know." I was cold, and I knew my eyes were too. This had been coming for a long time.

He moved forward again, one step. It was slow but smooth. Dangerous. "I screwed her because I was fed up watching the girl I loved be in love with someone else—and not just anyone, but my best friend. My best friend, Sheldon! Of all people, it had to be him? I love him too. Besides you, he's my only friend and you had to go and fall in love with him?"

"I didn't fall in love with him—" I stopped abruptly.

Bryce knew why I shut up. "That's right. You didn't just fall in love with him. You always were in love with him, weren't you? Since high school. Since us. Did you love him before you and I started together?"

I gulped. When he said it like that… Hanging my head, I closed my mouth. I had no answer because a part of me didn't want to give him the answer.

"I know that you know, Sheldon. You're right. Corrigan and I did a little experiment with you. We wanted you to admit what you were feeling for both of us, because all of us know you could repress that you're Ghandi if you wanted. So you know now. What do you know? You can't hide anymore."

How did his voice sound like it was taunting me?

"Go ahead. Ask me what you want to know." I crossed my arms over my chest and leaned back on my heels. Bryce was right. Since my breakthrough with Corrigan and since the car accident, a lot more facts had surfaced within me. He was right. I did know how I felt about both, how long I had, and when the feelings had surfaced. I wasn't ready to handle those feelings yet, not just yet.

"How long have you loved him?"

I stared him down. "Since before you."

He froze. "You knew in seventh grade?"

"No, Bryce! But yeah—I had feelings for him. We were friends before you—looking back, yes. There was probably a reason why Corrigan stuck and no one else did until you."

His eyes sparked. He almost looked hopeful.

I gentled my voice. "I don't know if I loved you or I lusted for you in the beginning. There are different types of love and you became one of them."

"And Corrigan?"

My throat was raw. "He's always been the other one. I never wanted to admit that."

Bryce's eyes went dead. "So what does that mean? What does that mean for us?"

"Us? As far as I know you're screwing someone else. I'm not that same girl from school. I won't be in love with someone who's screwing someone else. I might've been screwed up, but I'm better. I've had enough therapy. And I had my own personal shrink. I'm healthier now, a little bit."

He looked down, laughing softly.

When he didn't say anything right away, my insides were going to burst. I waited—I hoped, but I didn't know if I should have. He had chosen another woman, hadn't he?

Then he asked in a soft tone, "You still love me?"

"Are you stupid?!" I snapped. I couldn't help it. He was being the idiot this time.

"So you are?" He cracked a smile. "Still?"

For as long as I'd known Bryce, he had always had the upper hand over me. I was the mess, and he helped me clean it up. He knew me; I didn't know him, not in the same way. But now I saw the chink that had been there whole time. My eyes were clear when I looked at him. I saw someone who still had me in his heart. He loved me. He hoped that I still loved him. Then Corrigan flashed in my head, and I closed my eyes. It felt like someone stabbed my heart.

I had to choose…

I sighed, "I am going to be completely honest with you. I'm not holding anything back. I'm done with the lies. I'm done with the hiding. I want the cards out and where they fall, I think I'm okay with that—"

"Corrigan's not here," Bryce interrupted me.

"What?"

"He's not here. You're laying it all out, but whatever it is won't be fair. He's not here. I am. I don't want you to be biased because I'm here and he's not. You can't make a decision now and then regret it when you see him later. I couldn't handle losing you, again."

My eyes were hard. "Believe me. I'm not being biased towards you right now."

Bryce shut his mouth.