Still Jaded (Jaded #2)(60)

His shoulders dropped and his throat jerked. He visibly swallowed. I watched how his hands clenched and then relaxed. He looked down at them, as if considering what I just said. "I'm sorry. I just—you make…I don't know how to say this."

"Say it."

"Okay." He took a breath and looked at me. I saw the appeal in his eyes. "I could hide from a lot of things before, but Bryce is gone. I mean, I don't know what I mean. It doesn't matter. I…just…I can't hide because of you. You don't hide anymore. I'm with you. I'm in the front seat right next to you because I want to be. But that also means that I can no longer hide from things because you don't. You face everything head on. Hell, any challenge you see before you and you want to squash it. I have to get used to it. It's a lot, sometimes. You're making me deal with shit that I might not have dealt with all my life…"

"What are you talking about?"

Corrigan sighed and smiled. His grin was brief and gone, but I still saw it. "Nothing. Nothing. Where else do you want breakfast?"

"I don't care. Pull over to the closest coffee place. I still want coffee."

Corrigan did as he was told.

After we went back to my place, I shot into the house, but I couldn't get farther than the kitchen. Every inch of my skin was itching to hide. In some ways, he wasn't right at all, but he was in other ways. There were times when if I saw a problem I knew I could deal with, I dealt with it. Maybe I didn't want Marcus to screw my life up? Maybe I didn't want him to have that power over me.

When my fridge opened and Corrigan pulled out a beer, I arched my eyebrows. "Really?"

He shrugged. "I already know what kind of talk we're going to have. The time seems to fit."

"What are you talking about?"

He gestured towards me with his beer. "Just, start."

So I did. He thought he knew me so well, but he didn't. "You're telling me that I don't hide from stuff? Do you know me? Really? Do you not know me at all? I hide from everything!—"

Corrigan got in my face. His breath tickled my chin. "You don't hide from Marcus. You face it head on. That's why you go to Sparky's. That's why you stayed in Spain, even though Bryce didn't want you there. You didn't hide from what was going on with him. You stayed there because you wanted to face it head on. You've changed, Sheldon. You've changed since—not since Marcus, but before that. Hell, this thing with Bryce would've been drawn out a few years if you were the old Sheldon. You're different. You denied it for a long time, but once he came back, you couldn't deny it anymore. Barely two weeks and you already left to regroup."

My body felt numb. "What are you talking about?"

"You were falling apart because you knew Bryce was up to something. The old Sheldon would've slept with Denton right away. You didn't. You went to his home, but you did that to clear your head. You didn't screw the guy."

My mouth had gone dry, but I wasn't sure if that was good or bad. I felt my hand trembling against my leg and I sat my coffee down.

"I know you, Sheldon. Yes, I do. I know you better than you know yourself. I know you better than Bryce sometimes. And you've changed, for the better. But give me two minutes to catch up. Please. I'm not like you. I like hiding. Sometimes hiding can be good."

I narrowed my eyes and stalked closer. "You don't hide from anything. Any challenge and you're tearing at it. You're saying I don't hide, neither do you."

He rolled his eyes and finished the rest of his beer. "I like to hide. You're wrong, Sheldon. I like to hide a whole lot, but I'm not in a position where I can anymore. That's what you're talking about. This is why I don't have girlfriends. I don't like dealing with this deeper shit."

"I'm not your girlfriend! Stop treating me like I am!"

Corrigan closed his eyes for a moment and I waited. Tense.

Then he lifted his eyes and I gulped. There was the pissed off Corrigan with a different glow in his gaze. He seemed to come alive; like he'd been in black and white and now he was in color. "You want to talk truth? Fine. Why'd you lie to Bryce?"

"We never slept together. We stopped right away."

"That's not what you lied about and you know it. Don't treat me like I'm stupid. I'm the one who's here."

I held my breath. "What are you talking about?"

"Nothing. Nothing." He turned away.

"No! What are you talking about?" I jerked forward. Corrigan stepped away, but I brought him back. My hands were on his shoulders, my face next to his. "What are you talking about?"

"Why did we go to Sparky's today? Tell me the real reason." His eyes searched mine.

"What are you talking about? Like you said, I like to face things head on." I was so confused. What were we really talking about?

"Don't bullshit me. What's the real reason? I thought that at first, but now…that's not why. You went there to rub it in their faces. One of theirs tried to kill you and you didn't die. You go there as much as possible because you like it. And you wanted to go there with me. You enjoyed that. You watched her. From the second you saw her, you watched that girl's reaction. Not only to you being there, but to me too. You liked that she's got some weird crush on me. Why? You want to feel superior to her or something? Is that what this is about?"