Still Jaded (Jaded #2)(21)

I shivered as I heard the threat in his voice. I caught a glimpse of the old Corrigan in my living room, the one that had a habit of getting arrested for vandalism and disorderly conduct. When only a few of his brothers seemed surprised, I knew they'd already been introduced to that side of him.

As I watched, I saw him next to one of the bars. That Corrigan wasn't present at the moment. He was the laughing and charming one. I wasn't the only one who watched him. The sorority girls had arrived earlier and stood close to his group. They were dressed to make an impression with skimpy dresses, flashy sandals, and even flashier jewelry. Their hair was twisted, tucked, braided, hair-sprayed, and woven to complete their announcement that they belonged at my party. They were there to stay.

I noticed a large group around Leah and figured they were her sisters, but I didn't care. They kept shooting dark looks towards the girls that I figured belonged to Cadence's sorority.

"Shel, you out here?"

I turned as Corrigan stepped onto the balcony. "I thought you were with your buddies."

He shrugged as he stood beside me now.

I finished the rest of my wine. Two more bottles waited on the glass table next to me and I moved to refill my glass.

Corrigan took one look and his mouth went flat. "What happened?"

"Hmm?" I played dumb.

"Wine f**ks you up. What happened? Why do you want to get f**ked up tonight?" The aloof grin was gone.

"Nothing."

"Don't bullshit me, Sheldon." Corrigan stepped closer, but he slid his hands into his pants pockets. He looked like he was brooding.

"Why should I stop? I'm so good at it."

Corrigan drew in an abrupt breath and didn't comment. I should've cared. I should've apologized. I should've made sure he knew I meant about this night, about the very recent nights, but the wine had already started to do its job.

I didn't care.

His voice dropped near a whisper. "Are you pissed at me? I thought we were good. You said we were good."

"We are good."

Corrigan wasn't the one I wanted to hurt. I gestured towards the group below us. "These people aren't here because of me. They're here for you."

He never looked. "I'm here for you."

"I know." The words ripped out of me.

It was true. I wasn't stupid. So many people tried to use me, but Bryce and Corrigan didn't. They were there for me, or Corrigan was at least. At the thought of Bryce, my grip tightened on my glass and I gulped the rest of it down. Bryce could go to hell.

"You look good." He shrugged. "For what it's worth."

I knew I looked good. The outfit was one I had purchased a while ago. I saw it in a magazine spread. I liked it, so I bought it. I thought Bryce would've enjoyed it before, but now—my throat burned with emotion.

Corrigan studied me. "This have to do with Bryce not coming tonight?"

I expelled a deep breath and cursed. "He never cared what I said before. He never gave one damn, and now I make one statement and he folds." I cursed again and refilled my glass. Life was rosier drunk. Life was manageable when drunk, not really but that night it was.

Corrigan fell silent as he watched me. He turned his back to the crowd beneath and folded his arms over his chest. "Okay. Look, I know you and me aren't how we used to be in high school."

"Not since you left Spain." There was a bitter taste in my throat.

Corrigan paused for a beat. "You're right. Things changed. Things…"

….things happened…

"…are different, but that doesn't mean you're not one of my best friends. I don't know what I want right now, but I know this is because of Bryce. He did something or you reacted to something. I don't know, but this is because of him. Not me." He waited another beat and then surrendered in a sigh. "So I guess I'll head back downstairs—"

My head snapped up. "You wouldn't have left my side two years ago."

Silence.

Corrigan didn't respond. I didn't look, but I waited and held my breath. I waited before he allowed me to breathe again when murmured, "We're not in high school."

"We're not. No."

It was easier back then. Things made more sense.

I wrung out, "You're right. Go ahead. Join your brothers." Now I turned to look at him and let my anger shine through. I was angry at the world. I was angry at being used. I was angry because Bryce wasn't fighting. I was angry because Corrigan was only half with me. It wasn't the same, not anymore. It hadn't been since I shot Marcus.

"What did Bryce do?"

"He didn't do anything. That was it. He didn't do anything."

"He said that you told him not to come."

"He didn't do anything." He didn't come. That was my point, but Corrigan wasn't hearing it.

"What happened in Spain?"

I closed my eyes and hung my head at that painful reminder. I wouldn't fold down and fall to my knees. My third glass of wine was finished before I set it back down. "I lost him. I think I lost myself."

Corrigan's eyes sparkled in an emotion I didn't dare name. His hand reached upwards with his fingers spread wide, and his palm was ready to cup my cheek. But then he froze an inch from my face and cursed before he withdrew his hand. "You're his girl. I can't say what I want to say right now because you're his girl."